Gratefulness

Sometimes, if not most of the time, things that you aren’t expecting is definitely the best one.

Earlier, a woman came to ER to personally thank the nurses who took care of her kid. Her son came to ER with ongoing episode of seizure and has hydrocephalus. I cannot remember the feelings that I had during that time but I remember inserting him an IV with Mam Janett giving Diazepam. I was also the one who admitted him to the ward. Aside from having a patient like him with a special case, I just treated it like a usual night at work. But with that mother coming to us thanking personally, and telling how we made a good job taking care of him and even inserting an IV at one try (he didn’t had any reinsertions at the ward), that made me totally feel great and made me smile up to my ears.

 I wasn’t expecting anything but that gratefulness from her ignited me to work better. I was just doing my usual job, and for them, just my IV insertion to his kid is a big thing already since his IVs usually gets infiltrated or he easily gets hematoma after insertions. I just got lucky because his veins are good at that time.


The moment when the mother came in, our nurse supervisor (Mam Nic), my senior nurse (Mam Janett), and my co-nurses were all there and heard the good things that the mother said to me. I felt like I hit the jackpot even though I wasn’t promoted (if I got promoted, I will totally feel ambivalent. Seriously). Haha, good words are much better. Hihi

I guess, that was one of the beauty of working in a public hospital: having people with nothing appreciating every single deed you make. With this as a confirmation, I might be doing a good job and just continue what I’m doing. I hope this will always remind me to work well in the future.

Leggo Nurse Lei!!!!!

Annyeong!

('Cause I can't think of a decent title.)

I'm a bit surprised that there are some people who are still visiting my blog. Sorry guys if I'm not posting any "juicy" entries here since my life has been bland these days. Well, my life has been very bland since I graduated, and blame it to my unemployment. -______-

I've been very busy these past few weeks as my cousin's alalay. I've been accompanying him to his interviews, and then after he was hired, I still served as his alalay from getting his NBI clearance to completing some of his requirements for his job. He was lucky enough to be hired after a week of his interview. *cries*

Well, I'm "quite" happy that he's here since I'm not a waetoriya (loner) anymore but I feel like I'm not comfortable sharing an apartment with someone after a long time. Another thing is, since we're blood type O, we're both messy and there are times that I feel like it's suffocating already. Hahahaha. Kuya and I gets along well but I scratch my head very hard whenever he asks me about some directions here in Manila. For 2 weeks already, we've toured Metro Manila but he can't even remember those places we went. Worse, I already taught him how to commute from this place to our apartment but can't remember a single thing. Gahd, it was a hard task to make him remember those places I pointed him. -_________- Haha, my girl cousin was way better than him in terms of commuting or going to places she's unfamiliar with, alone. (I think this became a rant entry already. HAHAHA) Another thing that pisses me aside from his sense of direction was his sense of closeness. (Lemme explain. Example: "Uy Lhea, anlapit lang pala ng Eastwood dito." And I was like "WTH with malapit??") Well, I know he's not that familiar with some places here in Manila but whenever I accompany him, he doesn't make the effort to know the places we're going to, the jeeps we've been riding, or the area we dropped off. There was also a time when I already got off the jeep and then he's still there sitting, not noticing that I already went off the jeepney. That was a facepalm moment. -_______- I hope he'll improve his sense of direction, commuting skills and manners when he starts his training this Monday. Well atleast I could work on my applications already :)

Last Monday, I already got my certificates at Lung Center of the Philippines and I was ranked 19 in our batch. Originally, I've been eyeing the top 10, but since I had 6 absences and had a not-so good impression with the Division Chief (which later on changed when she observed that I'm an enthusiastic kid, and that single absence in our seminar[which caused a big ruckus in our batch] doesn't define me as a nurse trainee and as a person. Well, her blood pressure went up because of me when I asked her why she only pointed us when there were other kids that was absent since the start of our seminars, and worse, faked that they attended the seminar! [Haha, I know I have a point, so why not defend it?]), I expected that I will be on the average pack. It kinda surprised me that the staff nurses and the head nurses gave me good grades during our exposures in the  wards. Ugh, I only spent my summer in the hospital (training) and at home (sleeping). I could'nt imagine how boring it is just to go home and sleep then wake up just to attend your duty. Well, that's a nurse life. #dealwithit.

Moving on, after 3 months of delay (we've finished our manuscript last May and was checked by the panelists for more than a month [longer than the period I stayed in Palawan]), our thesis was already printed and bookbind. Well, before those printing and bookbinding happened, I've met with Cyruz at Infinitea to compile our thesis, then found out that the bibliography was missing. Well, after what happened in our early thesis days, I had this phobia whenever I do "palpak" things around him. I feel like he would scold me like a dad anytime. Well, I'm scared of how his voice would go down. Good thing I  found in in my mail. After we got our certificates, he already began laughing and I was relieved that he would never be pissed again. Hahaha. Actually I'm scared of him more than my dad. gahd, I'm scared on someone who's 6 months younger than me. Err #medyonakakahiya.

These days, I'm LSS with Super Junior's Mamacita. Hahaha, I know you'd hate me if I'll write things about them in detail here. I became a fan of SuJu because of Heechul since there were vids on Youtube where FT Island's Lee Hong Ki talked about him and I watched some of his vids as a SuJu member then later on went hooked with his drama, Flower Grandpa Investigative Team. After that, I became interested with their group and watched their variety shows. I'm familiar with their song, Sorry Sorry, since I heard them in college and there were a lot of people dancing it before. Haha, I was also able to danced a bit of it for our health teaching program. Then, Heechul became my bias (favorite), then later I had an eye on Siwon (I don't usually like looking on someone's abs, but his were reaaaally distraaaaactiiiiing!), Leeteuk (we had the same personlity, well uh, leeteuk+heechul), and Sungmin (he's sooooo cute whenever he's doing some aegyo, which also reminds me of FT's Minhwan). Everyone in the group has good singing voices but I'd say that Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, and Yesung has the best voices. I'd add Sungmin also since he's a musical actor (obviously he could sing), and Heechul (whose voice will bring you back to 80's or 90's. His voice fits well in love songs and ballads). :)

Any, my wrist is aching already so I need to end this here. I'll update you soon guys!

Early morning realizations

Lately, I've been asking myself what I really want to do in my life. After my 3-month training, I'm back with my unproductive self, and doing exactly nothing just like last year. Honestly, I really want to work already but opportunities aren't even coming my way.

Earlier this week, I searched for some BPO-related jobs online. Luckily, I was invited for an interview in a company somewhere in BGC. I went there not knowing what to do. I just thought that I'll just go with the flow. If ever they'll accept me, then it's good. If not, then maybe I'll just think about it later. I was just desperate to have a job that's why I tried my luck there. They told me that the result will be released after a day, and unluckily, I didn't received any email from them. Turns out, I failed.

A day before my interview, I told myself that if I won't get hired, maybe that job isn't for me. And it looks like it. Actually, I'm just the one pressuring myself to get a job because I feel that I'm already a heavy burden to my family. Well, I still get allowances from Lola and Papa and I never heard them ranting about my unemployment or even pressuring me to look for a job. I should've applied for a job after I passed the exam, but I chose to get a rest instead.

Sometimes, I blame myself for choosing a course that doesn't have good job opportunities. I know that Nursing isn't in demand nowadays, or even during my college life but I still pursued it. I also thought about shifting to Mass Communications but because of Nanay's last wish, I continued Nursing. There are times that I think I suck in my decisions but I know later on, I will learn from it.

Last Sunday, I started watching Emergency Couple. I enjoyed that drama because it was set in a hospital's ER. Of course, there will be patients, doctors, and especially nurses. Unknowingly, I was already shouting in front of my laptop on what the doctors and the nurses should do, and even brainstorming (on my own) on what was the patient's diagnosis. And because of that, I realized what I really want to do in life. I want to be a person who will save other people, and make them feel well. I guess I was really born to be a life saver. LOL. I wanted to be a doctor, in the first place. But because of some circumstances, I decided not to pursue it anymore and chose to be a nurse instead. Well, they're performing almost the same and works side by side. I guess, I should just stick with  my own profession :)

I guess I just have to endure any problems that will go along my way. I'm fortunate to have a good family, and I know that time will come, and I will be able to repay what they've done. This unemployment will surely come to an end. I should work well, pray hard, and trust whatever God has planned for me.

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I've been worrying a lot these days. Well, I felt better after blogging this one :)

Training kemps #2

I just finished doing our group report. Gaaah, my hands are tired since this morning because of our BLS return demo, and then when I arrived at home I immediately typed our report.

I'm quite disappointed with my BLS. I think I suck in it. HAHAHA. I went "bobey" during my AHA BLS (but I think its worse) and I almost failed the exam. Though I felt disappointed, it was my groupmate Jam who made me happy today. She's from FEU-NRMF and we're partners for BLS since yesterday. We're the GC kids of our class. Haha. Any, I felt like I'm distancing myself from my 4 friends. I know I'm weird but I feel comfortable with silent or loner type of people and I can't keep up with the topics of my 4 friends. Well, I really can't explain now since I feel sleepy already. I just blogged just to update the world wide web on what's happening in my life. Well, it's also some sort of documentation, you know :)

I feel 'toxic" with our RetDem for Respi skills. Gaaaaah.

K. Good night!

Waiting

You don't challenge me to a waiting game because I can patiently wait, how long it will take. :D

Huhu, but it's different now because I'm dying to see that holy email from those hospitals that I applied. I keep on checking my mail everyday, hoping that someone would contact me about those job-related thingy but looks like I'm hopeless.

I called one of the first hospitals I applied to ask when will be the start of their Batch 1 training and the training officer answered that it will be on February 17. But, a trainee will be included if he/she received an email from him. Uhh, actually I haven't received any email from him regarding this month's training. I dunno whether I'll be happy or not since I prefer those hospitals which are near to my place. Any, that hospital was actually my first choice but... Haha, I can't tell why.

Another thing is, there's also a hospital that is 2 rides away from my place and their training will start by next month. I heard that not all their trainees are being absorbed, but I think I should still try. Malay mo diba? Any, I'll be finishing all my applications this week so that I will have a peaceful vacation this weekend with my cousins. Hundred Islands adventure, yaaaay!

Since I'm a bit frustrated with my current state, my tita told me that maybe my birthday gift will be the job I've been waiting for.


Christelle and Justine: Pati sa trabaho, pinaghihintay ka pa rin?



Hay. Buhay abanger (sa trabaho).

Gomenasai!

(It means sorry in Japanese)

I know I've been so inactive in the past few days. I don't update my Facebook much and I don't blog that often compared to my college days, to think that I'm much available now compared before.

Honestly, I'm not doing good these days. I was sick last Wednesday and Thursday. Even though I'm not in the mood to take care of my self, I can't stand drooling over my pillow sheets and my blankets. Aside from that, I need to avoid having Tonsillitis because those streps might invade my heart (realistically speaking). So, I had to get up and go to SM San Lazaro to buy meds and foods, too. I tend spend quite much whenever I'm sick. I would buy foods I don't usually buy whenever I'm trying to be thrifty. Anyway, I need to take care of myself because no one would do it for me.

I felt better come Friday. And yuhoo, I just ended my CS problems since I opted to donate instead to serving that whole 58 hours (though I was able to render 12 hours already at the Marketing Office. Any, I also had a good time there with Mam Pink and Sir Ian). Then I also paid for my TOR and then I will be getting it today (together with my Good Moral cert). So, my last problem is my NBI clearance, but I have to call the main office regarding on my queries. Honestly, I wasn't able to copy the accomplished online form of my NBI clearance. I'm hoping that I'll be able to finish my requirements this week.

Last Thursday, I ditched that interview at a specialty clinic somewhere in Makati and then didn't attended my Nursing Proficiency Exam at PGH (since I think I won't even get a chance to pass in the next few steps. Quite a pessimistic attitude of mine). Well, I do have a valid reason: I'm sick. :P

Lately, I don't blog a lot about my inner thoughts since I'm quite cautious of what I'm saying lately. Well, I have a journal that keeps my thoughts privately. I realized that there are some things that I don't need to say to other people. Now, I learned to be more private compared to my usual "open" self.

I observed that I don't bond or go out with my Advo friends much this month. Haha, sorry but I have some financial problems lately and I don't want to spend beyond my budget. And aside from that, I don't wanna go far and I'm afraid of traveling alone especially at night. But I don't regard myself as a loner since I do hang with some of my FEU friends whom we call as "Brobabes." :) We're four in the group, one "bro" and three "babes." Bro and I are from IN and the two other babes are from IAS-Psych. They're quite older than me, so they regard me as the "bunso" yet I feel awkward at times when I call them ate or kuya so I try to call them with their names :D

For two weekends already, my BFF and I are having some ultimate bonding experience here at my apartment (since yeah, I'm in a budget). We reminisce our high school days and our island life in Cuyo. What I love about my best friend is that she knows me through and through. We were schoolmates in Prep School, High School up to College (because yeah, I followed her in FEU.) We might not bond as often as my other college friends, she knows about me more than them. There are some things that I could only open up to her esp. about family matters (yeah again, because she knows my family well). I'm hoping for more bonding moments with her :)

Moving on, I'm trying to ask myself whether I feel pressured about being unemployed or not. Honestly, I'm quite in a rush of looking for a hospital to work at. Luckily, I found that a nearby hospital is looking for a staff nurse. I want to work there since I don't have to travel far to get to my workplace. Hahaha. Lazy kid as always. Any, I'll still pass my requirements to other hospitals. :)

Aside from what I stated above, my source of entertainment is watching Asian dramas. Yesterday, I just finished Yamato Nadeshiko. Well, I'm a big fan of its anime version, and it's live action didn't disappoint me. Though at first, the actor who played Kyohei didn't even look like the anime Kyohei, but in the end, reality is different from fiction. But hey, he's handsome and I like his hair! (I dunno why I like guys with long hair lately.) Kazuya Kamenashi did a good job as Kyohei. Huhuhu, I can't help but cry with its last episode. Go Kyoheiiii. Another thing, I also watched Vic and Barbie's MARS. I'm a big fan of them since Meteor Garden days. As a fangirl, MARS was a dream come true since they're both the leads. :) Vic Zhou is soooo pogi with his long hair (haha, long hair again). Their acting was superb and I like the story because of its uniqueness and its unpredictable twists. :)

If you are an avid reader of my blog (...in short, you're from Advo), I know you'd ask about my lovelife... Well uhh, crushlife. So far, all I have are two crushes: my idol crush and my happy crush. Haha, and they're both from IN and both of them are my former seniors. :) I think I need inspiration like them to strive with my unemployed life. Hahaha. They will always remain as my crushes since I really can't reach them (and I'm younger than them.) :D

I know I'm living a lonely life but don't worry, I always find ways to be happy in what I do. This solitude will surely give me a lot of lessons that will be useful in the future. :

On Gospel's Parenting Lessons

Not that I'm planning to raise a kid this early, but I'm such a fan of those things related to parenting.

I happened to click a link directing to Radyo Palawenos livestreaming, and then they're airing the Cuyunon mass straight from Puerto Princesa Cathedral. I'm really happy because it's been a while since I last heard a Cuyunon mass. It was Fr. Jess (who happened to be our neighbor in Cuyo) who was the celebrant/officiating priest. Sakto na naabutan ko pa yung second reading and then yung Gospel. It's about Joseph's dream of sending Mary and Jesus to Egypt because of King Herod's threat (oh yes, I'm too familiar on this one. Since I studied in a Baptist-run school in Kindergarten, ilang beses na namin tong inulit ulit :) ). Any, I remember that today's the feast of the Holy Family.

Fast-forward to sermon (Gospel din yun diba?), Fr. Jess shared a story about a young thief caught by a policeman. So, the policeman asked the little kid why he committed that crime and where are his parents. And the kid replied that he had nothing to eat, and that his father is a drunkard and his mother's doing nothing at home. The policeman asked about his the kid's and parent's name, and then he answered that his mom is "bruha", his father is "demonyo", he is "demonyito", and they're living in "impyerno." Pissed with the little boy's answer, he accompanied the kid on his way home and then found out the reason why the kid answered his questions that way. Kahit di pa sila nakakalapit sa bahay, naririnig na nila yung away ng mag-asawa and yung pag-banggit ng mga ganung pangalan.

So, the priest asserted that parents should be the model of every kid because in the end, they will mirror how their parents raised them up. Not 100% accurate, but many of us still believe in the saying "Kung ano ang puno, sya rin ang bunga." (And I remember Lola saying "Alangan na mamunga ng mangga yung barantiong (also known as wintermelon) !!") Some kids nowadays forgets about the precious lessons shared to them by their parents. They want to do things "their way" rather than seeking advice from them. I think they're just too excited to grow up, but forgets how to act like a matured one. Being a grown-up kid won't assure you any maturity. Physical maturity maybe? It doesn't mean that even you're old enough to decide for yourself, then you don't need advice from your parents. I think it's your parent's obligation or purpose in life to guide you all the way, and you, as their child, you also have to follow them because, yeah, they're right and they know what's good or not. And this one was related by Fr. Jess to Joseph who followed God's order through his dreams without any complaints or second thoughts. And because of this, Jesus grew up as a good son, and still followed Him to die for our sins.

At the middle of the Gospel, the priest shared about the three important lessons by St. Paul. Those are "mababa leba" or humility, "mapatinawaden" or forgiving, and "mapinasinsayen" or understanding. He said that those are also or should be the main lessons that parents should teach to their kids. I think those are just basic things that are automatic already in every people, but when you think about it, most of us already forget to incorporate those things in our daily lives. He said that these things are learned at home, not in somewhere else. And as a family, it is a must to pray together because prayer is like a strong bond that holds them together.

He also had another story about a little kid who eats with his maternal grandfather. Due to old age, his grandfather started to lose his eyesight already, and always breaks his plate whenever he's eating. And because of that, he was being scolded by the lil kid's mother. So one day, the kiddo's mom saw his son making a plate made on wood, and when she asked him why he made it, he answered that when she gets old, she will use that wooden plate so that she won't break it when she accidentally drops it. I find it really touching since the kid is fully aware on different things about him. Although his mom served as a not-so bad example of a child scolding his parent on his mistakes as an elderly, but then the kid chose to think about the good things he will do if her mother reached in her old age already. Since I grew up with my grandparents, I really know how it was like living with elder people. Yes, they commit mistakes but you can't blame them because it happens when you're old already, and during those times, they need you to be there for them, not as someone who will scold them like a little kid. For me, it is a great achievement to serve your parents (on my part, it's my grandparents) because you owe a lot to them. You will not be here in this world without them. I'm lucky enough to live with my grandparents because I was able to experience the way they raised my mom, although I was quite spoiled by my lolo, being the only grandchild left in Cuyo.

According to St. Paul, those people who take care, love,and respect their parents will receive four graces from God. Those are 1)akabayad sa kasalanan (Your sins will be easily forgiven); 2) masasabat nga lagi ang pangadi (Youre prayers will be easily answered); 3) manggad sa lugta ig manggad sa langit (richness in heaven and Earth); and 4) papalabegen ang kabui (Long life).

Despite of those God's graces I mentioned, serving or following your parents doesn't need something in return. For everything that they have done for us, they didn't asked us to pay them back. But as a good children, they also deserve something from us. Being a good son/daughter who fears God is, I think, enough for them already. Because whatever may happen to us, they will embrace us wholeheartedly. :)

Looking.. Searching..

It's December 20 already and 2014 is just few kembots away. And to update myself, I'm on my 5th month as an unemployed RN. Moving on, I'm going to pass my resume already by next week but I'm a bit anxious since undergoing training (hospitals don't usually hire nurses right away) is somewhat a different arena compared to those duty days I had in college.

Yesterday, me and my friends are talking about something when I asked one of them if what was the skills he wrote in his resume. Hahaha. Honestly, I've been having a hard time in making resumes since my Advo application days. I had to follow Cindy's outline then because I don't know where to start. Any, they just joked that I should put "bed making" skills there. Hahaha. Well, bed making is also a part of our RLE Skills Lab then, so it's a bit correct if I would write it there. LOL. But one of them asked if where am I going to apply for a job, and I told him a certain hospital that was a bit far from my current place. So, he suggested that I should pass an application in SLMC-QC since it was just a 15-20 mins ride away.

So here's my current problem now, after searching about the application chuchus for some hospitals, I found myself staring blankly, thinking about those requirements I have to pass. Aaaand, I also read some blog entries about Post-Graduate Nurse Training (PGNT). Honestly, I'm a bit excited and a bit nervous about it. But yeah, it's natural to feel that way. I'm just praying that I would start my 2014 training already. I'm tired being a lazy kid, sleeping the whole day inside my room. And this sedentary lifestyle would definitely kill me. Any, let's just do hope that I would get accepted. If not, then I'll look for another hospital (kahit saang parte pa ng Manila yan!)

Any, GO LHEA! (Self motivation is the key!) :)

Alert!

I think I need to push the panic button now. As in now na.

Haha. Okay, I know it's kinda creepy but I'm stalking someone's FB right now. Since most of my readers here are my Advo friends, guys wag nyo na hulaan, di nyo sya kilala at wag nyo na syang hanapin pa sa Facebook ko. Haha.

Ayun nga, medyo weird tong pangsstalk ko ha. Medyo kamakailan ko lang sya nakasama pero last year ko pa sya nakilala. Okey lang naman bilang ka-institute ko naman, and syempre medyo iba din kasi pag ka-insti mo, may mga bagay na kayo-kayo lang ang nagkakaintindihan. Moving on, keri lang naman, pogi sya. K. Kaso, ang problema ngayon eh bet ko na yata sya. Nooooooooo! Hindi pwedeeeeeee!

So eto na nga, ayoko sya maging crush kasi ine-expect ko na magiging hopia na naman ako. Hahaha. Pero masasabi kong improvement to kasi ngayon lang ako uli nagka-crush mula sa IN. Hahahaha. Wala eh, nasa higher batches pala yung mga bet sa IN eh. (Ayan, clue na yan!)

Wala namang masamang magka-crush kasi nga pwede naman talaga, kaso hindi pwede eh, bunso-zoned agad ako neto. Huhu. Ewan ko ba, basta bet ko sya. Natatatawa nga ako na tina-type ko to kasi isa na naman tong kabaliwan na pagsisisihan ko sa huli kung bakit ko pa pinost. Pero hindi talaga pwede, ayoko sya maging crush, pero shet, kinikilig ako sa kanya.

Huhu, mga dyosa ng mga bigo sa crush, tulungan nyo ko. Wala akong pag-asa dito eh.

KFine, sana pala lumipat na sya ng hospital para maging future co-staffers kami (Yes? Co-staffers? Advo lang? Co-nurses siguro?) :D

Weird dream is weird

I slept for more than 10 hours today, and I woke up dahil sa hindi ako makahinga due to a sever chest pain (which is bad because I have a heart problem for years already). So I positioned myself in high fowlers just to aid my breathing. I thought nalulunod ako pero di naman pala. But, my dream isn't connected with drowning or whatevs. It's kinda related to something na madalas na dumadaan sa isipan ko lately.

Hindi sya magkakasunu-sunod so per scene ko na lang sya ikukuwento.

The first one was a car racing. I dunno kung pano sya napunta sa parteng yun since ang naaalala ko eh nasa isang construction store (provincial setting) ako para bumili ng pako or whatevs and may pinapalabas na boxing match sa TV.

The next thing I remember eh sinave nya ko dun sa car racing. Weird lang diba?

Next, pababa na kami ng parang hill ng may nadaanan kaming children's park na overlooking a very beautiful place. Pero, ang sabi ko eh Cuyo yun, pero based dun sa itsura ng setting eh hindi naman. But the cute part there was when he's holding my hand. Yes, he's a HE. Baka naman babae yung naiisip nyo ha. Charot.

I dunno kung bakit ako kinikilig, hahaha, pero throughout my dream, ilang beses namin inuulit-ulit na we're friends. (Alangan naman na magkaaway kami?)

And the last one was nung may nabasag syang glass windown nung nasa town proper na kami. Di ko alam kung bat nabasag yun, may bumato ng bote o sapatos eh. So the owner of the house asked us to come inside and talk about what happened. Since si "friend" lang naman ang may kasalanan, he (the house owner) invited him in a room (which I first thought was an office).

Since antagal ko na sa may sala, nagsuspetsa na ko na baka may maling nagaganap though wala naman akong naririnig na pag-aaway. So nag-ninja moves na ko. Lumabas ako at sumilip sa window kaso wala akong makita at wala akong marinig. In the end, I went back inside of the house and kicked the door really hard when I found the house owner doing something "EEEW!"

(OKAY. RATED SPG. AND DI KO KINAYA)

Lemme say what I actually said in my dream, PUTANGINA! Well, I rarely curse someone, but that was really something I can't handle anymore. Dahil sa sobrang hiya nung house owner (tangina, di pa sya nahiya!), pumasok sya ng CR para ayusin sarili nya. Ayos-ayusin nya naman sarili nya, pati utak nya!!!

So ayun, balik sakin ang eksena. Nagsusumigaw na ko sa loob ng room na yun tapos andami kong pinagsasabi. Yung ibang sinabi ko, di ko na maalala though yung iba naaalala ko pa. Wanna know what I said? Secret. Charot. Malamang umiiyak ako sabay sabi ng mga walang hiya yung lechugas na house owner na yun and chuchuchu. Tapos eto naman ako kay "friend" na kawawang kawawa. Aaaand, parang sinabi ko na rin na betchikels ko si friendlaloo.

Honestly, di ko ineexpect na ganun magiging dream ko. Nakakaloka lang yung subconscious mind ko, ang weird lang talaga. Feeling ko, kaya ko napanaginipan si friendlaloo bilang napag-usapan namin sya ni BFF last Saturday. Yun siguro yun. Although medyo may guest appearance din tong si friendlaloo sa mga past dreams ko, medyo disturbing lang yung panaginip ko kanina.

Pero kidding aside, I know there's a deeper meaning kung bakit napapanaginipan natin yung mga tao. Maybe we're denying that we're thinking about them but in reality, deep in our hypothalamus, it will always be them who we're thinking about. I know it's not right or wrong to think about him, we're friends, right. Pero disturbing lang kasi yung pagdadrama ko dun sa last part, parang it says that I still like the person.

I think it's not bad to still like a person. Well, we all like a certain person, it might be a friend or not. Pano mo ba magiging friend yung isang tao kung hindi mo bet maging friend, diba? Haha, I think may point naman yung argument ko, right? I may still like a friend, but let's just leave it for being as a friend alone.

Sometimes, natatawa ako when my other friends tells me to "move on." And I'm questioning myself, "Ano ba ipagmu-move on ko?" So babalikan ko uli yung pinaglalaban ko lagi na, it's not wrong to like someone, then tell it straightly to him that you like him BUT you're not asking him to like you back, or to love you. So liking someone without assuming or exxpecting something in return isn't really bad. Aaand, it won't hurt that much. Trust me.

There are some times that I felt that I already lost my pride for doing that, but hey, I didn't lost anything. I still have my old self, my friend, our friendship, that's all. And, I also wanted to say that there's no romance that happened between the two of us. Maybe that's why other people needs to "move on" because they we're used to have romantic ties, and dahil nasanay na sila sa ganun, kapag nawala na yung romance eh kelangan naman nilang kalimutan yung mga nakasanayan nila. Well, same goes dun sa mga umasa, pinaasa, landian, MU kunwari or kahit ano pa man. Asus, pinagdaanan ko na rin yang MU "kuno" (not related with the friendlaloo person here) and at first ang hirap,  kasi nakasanayan mo na may nagke-care sayo (kahit thru text lang. WTH!). Ah basta, parang ganun na rin yun no. Siguro sa parteng yun, applicable ang pagmu-move on diba?

So if ever there will be other people who will soon tell me to "move on" (again), I think walang point yung pagmu-move on, kasi wala naman talaga :)

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Sa sobrang freestyle ng blog entry ko na to, nailabas ko na naman mga ibang hanash ko. :D Sige lang guys, malay nyo may ma-realize din kayo sa mga ka-hanash-an ko :)

What about now

It frustrates me so much that I've been so unproductive after I took the boards. I could've worked already after that, or went home to take care of Lola and some family matters. Gahd, I never expected my life could be this oh-so boring.

Just moments ago, I saw a picture of my classmate's visa in FB (Tomorrow's her first int'l flight. Well yeah, a nurse who happened to choose being a flight crew than working in a hospital). Not that I feel envy or what, I just thought that most of my classmates are working or should I say earning already, yet I was like a polar bear still hibernating in my comfort zone, or maybe a turtle feeling lazy to get out of its shell. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now (aside from "other" feelings).

Well, I've been bombarded with a lot of problems last week. I had to deal with some dilemmas that could make or break something (I'm telling you, it's a SERIOUS matter. Much serious than my relatives asking me if I have a boyfriend already). Good thing I have a supportive family who backs me up whatever happens, and gives sound advice.

Dealing with problems should not be  faced with a crumpled-like face, I think it's much better if you'll take a deep deep breath (that would even balloon your lungs until your bronchioles explode. LOL) then flash a bright smile. Not that you're being "plastic" with yourself, but it's the best way to start with.

During the series of problems, I was in Bicol with my cousins. Good thing I was in a place where I could breathe fresh air that will help me think much better, than here in Manila where I could take polluted air that will soon shrink my corrupted brain. Going back to Manila alone (bus ride) was a challenge because it was my first time. I don't have anyone to talk to when I feel bored or what. I happened to sit with a woman (in her late 20's or early 30's). At first, I'm not comfortable sitting with someone, especially when I'm alone (so call me selfish then).

Since I can't sleep during the trip, I stayed awake thinking about random things, and reminiscing those Bicol trips I had with Nanay when I was young. Twas kinda cool that I still remember some places we passed by before. While we're entering Lopez, Quezon, we heard a loud kablaam at the back part of the bus. I felt nervous at first, because hello?? Turned out that the rubber something of the back wheel exploded/bursted/shrinked (whatever). Good thing we're not running that fast, so an impending accident didn't happened. And because of that incident, my seatmate and I started to talk about what happened and talked about a lot of things like a long-lost friends.

During the latter part of the trip, it was me who talked and shared a lot of things about family and how I grew up. And after that very long conversation, I realized how lucky and blessed I am as a kid, as a person, and as a part of my family. Well despite of the problems I had days before, I was able to pass through it. I think that my real blessings are not money or anything, it was the people around me who made me like this. I'm blessed with a very supportive family and a good crop of friends. Some people may say that they don't need a lot of friends, but for me "Why limit your number of friends? You'll never know, you might get to know someone who'll make your life different."

I remember during my high school senior days when Lola told me not to make friends when I get to study in Manila. Actually, I cried hard that time because I feel like they're cutting some of my body parts. I talked to Lola on that very same day and told her what I feel and explained everything, and why she shouldn't control or limit me when it comes to choosing friends, or who to be with. And now, Lola's very happy that I found a lot of friends that helped me survive in the jungle of Manila. Like I found brothers and sisters, good friends, cheerers, etc. Those people who helped me in my studies, problems, and even during the haggard-est days of my life, the board review.

Having or picking good friends isn't as easy as ABC, sometimes there will be people who will hurt you soon. But wanna know my secret? I actually prayed for it (really hard). It's hard to pick a person and then ask God if he will be a good friend or not, so why not pray for it before you happen to know someone? I also did the same thing before entering high school. Instead of contemplating at the end part, why not pray for it before it started?

Last Friday, I had another dilemma that made me feel like I'm torn between someone I really love and my own future. Since I can't find someone to talk to, I just slept early and prayed that I'll be able to think better the next day. And the next day, the solution came as fast as a text message! Mommy and tita called me up to discuss something and then adviced me on what to do. Baam! Solved problem! :)

I'll probably go back to Palawan (after 2 years!) this week or next, to take care of Lola. Since I'm already a nurse, it's about time to take care of her and give back. She sacrificed a lot for me since I was young, so now that she's old, it's my duty to do the same for her. Then maybe after a month, I'll come back here in Manila and find a job :)

Actually, Lola's encouraging me to move back to Palawan. But I can't. So Mommy told me to spend a month there and go back to Manila to finally look for a job. It's kinda hard to move back to province when you're already used to live in the city. It somewhat makes me feel like I'm regressing. I know Lola will understand. :)

NEXT MONTH, I'll be looking for a SERIOUS JOB. I SWEAAAAR!

My take on Family/Famealy Day

Okay, I know you're all familiar with that Lucky Me commercial where a bullied kid tries to talk to his parents but his mom and dad are busy talking to their phones (in short, they're not paying attention to their kid). Why did I try to write about this? Because I hate it when kids are not given proper attention or guidance in their critical years.

I really didn't had a "complete" family, my mom died and my dad works abroad. So, I was left under the care of my grandma and nanay. Since they're also quite busy, sometimes you can't demand too much time from them and the only chance you get to be with them is during meal time.

If I were the kid in the commercial, I would transform as a big badass who continues to talk even though they're busy with their businesses. (Sorry for that badass thing, but I also did the same thing when I was young.) Being bullied is a serious thing. It makes you feel smaller as a person, and also vulnerable to other "feeling macho/superior" kids. It's also good to be talkative and open to your parents even if they don't do the same for you. You might never know, they might be doing the same eventually.

Kids needs someone behind their back, that's why they have parents. As parents, giving everything to your kid is not a measure of being a really good parent. Actually, it doesn't even count as a part of good parenting.

Let me remind you dear parents, having children is not just a gift, but also an obligation given to you by God. It is your obligation to raise someone who mirrors God. In the end, whatever happens to your kids will boil down to you because it will reflect you as a parent.

To those kids out there, I can't ask you to be like me, an outspoken kid way before I could remember. Even as a lil kid, you can stand up for yourself. Remember that those people who does bad things against you will remind you that you should do good, and that you'll be the opposite of them. Be close to your parents even if they're not doing the same for you. Make them realize that you need them and you love them. You are lucky to have parents unlike those youngsters who don't have a complete family, and who lack guidance and love.

I dunno what to feel about this Famealy Day, because having meals with your family should be an everyday routine, and doesn't really have to happen once a year. But yeah, it's kinda good that there's a lone day like this that will remind everyone about this.

Since I lived with lola and nanay for 14 years, we rarely eat together during the day. Actually, they can pause what they're doing and join me at the dining room. At first, I didn't complained, but as I grew up, I started telling them that we should eat together no matter what. I think I was already in high school that we ate together until I went to Manila for college.

Question: Did I lacked guidance or love from them? No. Why? Because it's not just during meals that we show love, guidance, or talk over some family-related or serious things at home. For I am a clingy kiddo, I always go wherever they are. Like whenever Lola's sewing some dresses, I stay beside her, look what she's doing, and ask her how to do this and that. Then after she finished here work, we would talk about random things. And from her, I became interested on parenting. When it comes to Nanay, I think she never lacked anything. I have her full attention, actually. Well, sometimes it really depends. hahaha. I learned to be clingy from her. She would always call me to go where she is around the house, then would hug me and ask me to stay with her. Sometimes, I would find it reaaaally weird.

Lastly, Family Day. Some says that Sunday is Family Day. And I don't care. Family Day is not even written on the calendar so I won't say that it's done just during Sunday. Family Day must be EVERYDAY.

Honestly, in my 14 years of being with Lola and Nanay, we don't celebrate Family Day. That's it. Like what I said, it must be everyday. Sometimes it annoys me (especially in college) whenever someone uses Family Day or going to church as an escape to its obligation. (hahaha. And my sports writing days enters the scene!) First, you have an obligation, so it's a must that you will fulfill it. And second, you're adding some problems to other people who doesn't have time to rest just to cover what you'll fail to do. Sometimes, I would say that "Sana pala tinakwil na  ako ng family ko dahil 3-4 years na akong di sumasama sa Family Day!" (hahaha, don't worry. I already moved on with that) Not that I'm ranting too much here but I know I'm saying what's right.

Those kids are lucky enough to be with their parents even in college. Do they ever mind those people who tried to live on their own while surviving in this jungle? They are just one lucky beings to be pampered by their parents. I think, being absent on one family day won't hurt that much, right?

Fine, I dunno how to end this but I will leave piece of advice that may be already painful to the ear since you heard this gazillion of times already. Be a good children to your parents. Bow :)

Baaaam!

Since I can't organize my thoughts well, medyo sabog lang talaga tong post na to :D

• Been watching Snow Queen and reading about Sungkyunkwan Scandal lately. And gaaah, can't resist with these good-looking long-haired guys (with some facial hair, beard and moustache)! I'm into guys like them who poses a very mysterious aura. Though in reality, I never had a crush like them. Well, I always tell my crush before to shave off his moustache and keep his haircut short and decent! hahaha. But hell yeah, pagbigyan nyo na ko sa dalawang to :D

Moon Jae Shin (Sungkyunkwan Scandal)

Han Deuk Gu (Snow Queen)

• I'm planning to work already this month (Yaaaay!). While some of my friends are already done with their basic and advanced trainings and now trying to gain experience in big hospitals in the metro, and the others are heading on a different field (training as a flight crew, pursuing medicine, working as an office staff in companies), I'm still here at my apartment sleeping 12 hours a day. Hay, feeling ko magde-deteriorate ata health ko neto. I was never this lazy before (hyperactive kid heeeeere!), pero siguro nga nagsilabasan na lahat ng pagod ng katawan ko from the past 4 years.
• Wala pa akong nasisimulan sa article na binigay sakin. I feel like nawawala na rin yung writing ko lately. Honestly, tinatamad akong isipin kung pano ko gagawin. But I can't help but think na ang gandang article nito kung sakali. Challenging, pero iba yung atake nung topic ng article. Ugh.
• And I found myself clinging to a sunbae (hahaha, something I learned from watching KDramas; means senior or someone older than me) last Sunday when FEU lost to UST in double overtime (sounds like a sports lead huh!). Actually, that sunbae was an RN who graduated from IN in 2010 (too much rhyme!). I was already expecting that FEU will win the game until he predicted that the game will reach an overtime. And heck, it did happened. Since super nail-bitter yung game, I found myself clinging on him and hiding on his back during the crucial minutes of the 2 OTs. Gaaaah. 

          So why did I posted this? I fear na baka tuluyan akong magka-crush kay Kuya! Oh no!!! Srsly, ngayon lang ako natakot uli ng ganito. Meron kasi akong mala-psychic feeling pag magiging crush ko ang isang tao. But this time, it's a noooooo. First, he's my Kuya. Second, madalas kaming nagkakasama sa games. And third, ayokong magka-crush nga kasi mahahalata ng dalawang ate ko (na lagi naming kasama). Huhuhu. Sayang, ang cute pa man din nya. Hahahaha. And I really found it weird na naging clingy ako bigla nung kabado periods ng game. Lechugas na game to o! Di ako clingy, srlsy.

• My apartment is a complete mess. Akala mo dinaanan ng bagyo.
• Gonna get my license this month! Yeaaaah!
• And lastly, I can't help but fangirl over Song Joong Ki. Sorry for my KDrama addiction!
• I really don't have any idea with SoKor's government, pero lately ko lang nalaman na may compulsory military service pala yung mga lalaki sa country nila for 2 years. So, sa 2 years na yun, nasa camp sila nagttraining, then made-delegate sa ibang fields like Army, Marines, Navy, and Air Force. Medyo nakakabigla lang nung nalaman ko na kahit mga artista pala sa kanila, pinagttraining and service din! So wala talagang exempted. Naisip ko lang, bakit walang ganun dito sa Pilipinas? Kaya tuloy andaming loko-loko at napapariwara satin eh. Sa panahon ngayon na medyo delikado ang bansa natin na inuunti-unti ng China yung teritory natin, sana lahat naman ng kalalakihan sa bansa natin eh kaya tayong ipagtanggol. (Medyo sexist lang yung last sentence. LOL) Ayun, naisip ko lang :)
• Gusto ko na umuwi ng Cuyo, kaso anong gagawin ko sa apartment ko na kayang magpakain ng isang pamilya yung renta. XD 
• Sana ma-push yung pinsan ko na mag-UST/FEU/CEU next school year at dito na lang sya tumuloy sa apartment ko para may kasama ako :)
• Medyo masakit sa ulo at mata ang UAAP standings ngayon. Nakakaloka ever.
• FEU, anek na? Isa pa lang panalo natin. Anubey.
• Okey, yun lang. Bayie :D
• Another sabog post. Bow

                  

Back

Note: Isang walang kwentang post. Bow.

I actually planned to keep this one as a secret, but in the end, bakit ko nga pala kelangang i-sikreto to? Ano to? Buhay ng high-profile na tao? XD

Last Wednesday, I was with Joshua. Yes, you read it right. Just click the Joshua tag to know more about him. Pero kung lagi kang nagbabasa dito, malamang alam mo na.

Moving on. Last week pa namin napagpasyahan na manuod ng game, syempre suporta naman sya sa childhood friend nya. The day before the game, nag-usap na kami kung san kami magkikita, which was Baclaran Church (bat kase anlayo?!).

Nung mismong day na yun, around noon, eh nagtext sya na ayaw daw syang payagan ng girlfriend nya. (Teh, wag masyadong magnet kay jowabels okey? Pasalamat ka eh martir sayo yang jowa mo kahit na... Nevermind!) So I told him na bahala naa sya umeskapo sa girl friend nya. Ayoko naman maki-join sa di nila pagkakaunawaan. After an hour, nagtext na si Joshua na paalis na sya. So pumunta na rin ako ng FEU para kunin yung tickets at nag-LRT papuntang Baclaran.

At nauna syang dumating sa simbahan kesa sakin, at late ako ng lampas 30 minutes. Aba, galit pa na late ako? May 'wtf' pa sa dulo ng text. Aba, walang murahan dre!

Any, pagdating ko ng simbahan eh nakita ko agad sya. Well, naka-white v-neck shirt (gaaah, kahinaan ko ang vneck shirts!) and acid-washed pants plus sneakers. Pagkakita ko sa kanya eh hinatak ko sya papuntang simbahan bilang magpe-pray muna ako bago umalis. Di na ko nakabalik uli dun after exams.

Since ambilis ko maglakad (at ang kupad nya), nauna na ko sa kanya pero paglingon ko eh andun naman sya sa likod ko at pa-ngiti-ngiti pa (medyo abnormal na ngiti lang). Pagkatapos nun eh naglakad na kami papuntang sakayan. Jusko, bat ba antagal maglakad neto? halos masunog na balat ko sa init. Ang hirap pa eh geographically-challenged pa tong kasama ko. Medyo masarap isumpa kasi ke-lalaking tao, di marunong mag-commute!

Pagsakay namin sa jeep, kwento agad sya about dun sa jowa nya na ayaw syang payagan at ginawa na nya lahat ng paraan para payagan sya. Hay, ganyan talaga pag medyo desidido, gagawin ang lahat. Sabi ko nga eh sana nagpaalam na sya agad nung nagsabi sya na manunuod kami. At dagdag ko pa "Ako nga eh, nagpaalam ako agad kaya pinayagan ako!" (Tunog may jowa kuno!) HAHAHAHA.

Pagdating ng MRT, kinawawa ko na naman sya sa kahahabol sakin sa paglalakad. Ayoko kasi ng makupad na tao. Makupad ako gumalaw pero mabilis ako maglakad. -_________- Hanggang papunta dun sa mismong sakayan eh halos hingalin sya sa kakahabol.

"Hahawakan na nga kita, baka mawala ka na naman eh." (Jusko, bat kinilig ako sa parteng to? HAHAHA) Ang bilis ko raw kasi maglakad. Medyo 10x nya ata inulit sakin na ambilis ko. So hinawakan nya yung bag ko habang naghihintay kami sa tren. (Jusko MRT Taft, bat lagi akong kinikilig pag napupunta ako dito? LOL)

Nung andun na kami sa tren, magkausap pa rin kami at medyo magkaharap kami (parang nangyari na to dati? Kaso medyo "close" ata yung nauna dahil siksikan to death sa LRT 1). Super random lang ng usapan namin, minsan inaasar ko sya na ang tanda na nya dahil 21 na sya at dapat eh nung 2012 pa sya graduate pero ngayon di pa rin sya graduate, tapos yung height nya na naungusan ko na, at yung pagiging martir nya (dinaig nya ko sa pagka-martir! Wag ka! XD). 

Nagku-kwento rin naman sya tungkol sa studies nya, sa OJT, sa buhay-jowa nya, at ibang bagay about sa childhood friend nya. Yung ibang mga chismis na nababasa ko sa twitter, medyo sa kanya ko vine-verufy. At sa sobrang tanong ko, nasabihan pa ko na " Stalker ka talaga ni Terrence no? Alam mo lahat lahat!" Excuse me, may ibang tao na mas may alam no! Ang pinagkaiba lang eh part ng work ko ang mag-research. Chos! :P

Pagdating ng Cubao Station, andami nyang pinagsasasabi. Haha, nakakainis yung kadaldalan nya. "Bat ba ang adik adik mo sa FEU? Oo nga pala, "alumni" ka nga pala." "Sorry ah, puro FEU kami sa pamilya eh," sagot ko naman. Nung dun na sa Farmers, hinihingal na naman sya sa kakasunod. "Ano ba, ambilis mo maglakad. Para tayong hinahabol o may hinahabol." Hello? Eh kung alam lang sana nya kung pano mag-commute eh di nakapanuod pa kami ng 1st game! Walanjo naman to!

Hay, mula Baclaran hanggang Cubao, di ko mabilang kung ilang beses kami nag-away. Jusko, di talaga fit ugali namin. Teka, di naman sya ganito katigas ang ulo dati (DATI) at di naman ako mapang-asar at mainitin ang ulo. Nagagawa nga naman ng 2 years na away-bating friendship na may kasamang isnaban.

Nung nasa loob na kami ng Araneta, napagkwentuhan naman namin yung last year na nagkita kami, at kung pano ko sya tinalo sa basketball, pano nya ko tinalo, at kung pano rin sya tinatalo ng gf nya na nakaka, 100+ points pa. Ikaw na te!

Medyo patapos na yung game nung dumating kami. Buti na lang eh nag-overtime!

Nung FEU na yung nagwa-warm up, andami nyang kwento about dun sa childhood friend nya. Wala eh, sya na maraming alam. Nung nag-start na yung game, halos di ko na sya makausap, masyadong tutok sa game, at tutok sa pagte-text kay jowa sabay share sakin kung ano pinag-usapan nila. (Bat kasi walang nagte-text sakin???!) Moving on again, pag may gusto syang ikwento, bubulong sya lalo na't di kami magkarinigan. Ang lakas ba naman ng drums!

Pagdating ng halftime, iniwan ko sya dun sa inuupuan nya at lumipat ako dun kay Kuya Kit. Hahaha, bat ba? Ang boring nya. (Though medyo nag-iimprove sya everytime na nagkikita kami, which was one in a blue moon, or once a year).

Nung second half, medyo dikdikan na yung laban. At nung nagpe-pray na ko, aba! nagpe-pray na rin ang loko. "Pag natalo kami, lagot ka sakin." Ayun nga, natalo kami. JINX! At in-enumerate ko yung mga games na nanuod sya at natalo ang FEU. 2010 PCCL Semis, 2011 UAAP Finals, 2012 FEU-DLSU KO game, then ngayon naman. Jusko, jinx nga!

Paglabas namin, kinukulit nya ko na ihatid sya sa MRT. My goodness, mas lalaki pa nga ata talaga ako kesa dito. Buti at nakita ko yung daddy ni Terrence at may makakasama na sya pauwi. Hay. Bago kami nagkahiwalay, may picture pa kaming dalawa. Thanks to Jocas! 

(Wala eh, mukha pa naman kaming bagay dito sa picture na to! HAHAHAHA. Pero in all fairness, mas matangkad na ako ng kaunti sa kanya.)

Ayun, nagkahiwalay na lang kami ng walang good bye o kung anuman. Oh well, sanay na ako dyan.

(Hello there Joshua Enrico! HAHAHA. Putek, ang boring mo pa rin kasama! Next time yung gf mo na lang isama mo sakin, baka mag-enjoy pa kami. I'm so proud of you! Pinaka-martir na friend, ever!)

After one year, ngayon lang kami uli nagkita. Medyo nakakatuwa lang yung feeling na nakita mo uli yung isang friend mo na kahit medyo hindi kayo in good terms eh mukha naman kayong close friends. Mukha lang. Kahit na medyo hindi okey ang nakaraan ko dito (at di ko naman pinagsisisihan yun), nakalimutan na rin namin yun.. Actually sya, parang wala ng maalala, medyo ako na lang ang may naaalala pa.

Matagal man naayos yung friendship namin, bilang andami kong tanong ssa utak ko, eventually naayos din :) Sana naman maayos ko na rin tong sarili ko at nang maayos ko na rin yung isa pang friendship na medyo na-spoil ko ng kaunti dahil sa gabundok na pride at pag-ooverthink.

hay friendship!

............

And today's the 2nd death anniversary of Nanay. Yes, I'm literally living alone for 2 years now.. Two years of longing for a Nanay who's always there, 24/7 to give me the TLC that I really need.

Well, to share a some bits of my life here, Nanay is a vital person for who I am now. Let's just say that she took care of me even when I'm still not yet born. Yes, it is. When Mama was still alive (and I was still a baby then), I had my biological mom (which is Mama), and a nurturing mom (Nanay). Since Mama has to work, it was Nanay who's keeping an eye for me the whole day. And then until her remaining days, she made sure that I'm okay.

Growing up, I see Nanay as a real superwoman. Like, yeah, she can do anything. Sometimes, it makes me think that we don't even need a man to made those things done. She can even repair our roof too! You gotta love Nanay!

I can say that it was her who witnessed those "firsts" in my  life. She's also my first teacher, and even the first one who taught me how to play the piano (unluckily I didn't took it seriously. Not musically-inclined tho). She's really patient to teach me this and that.

When it comes to my attitude, she has no problem with that. She respects the way about I think about a certain thing, or how I react. Though she's the one who taught me to cry silently, "Baka isipin ng kapitbahay, namatayan tayo." XD

BTW, she loves to sing. HAHA. Naalala ko lang bigla yung version nya ng " We are the world..... we are the children" and "....may sariling kakayahaaaaaan." Hahaha. Okaaaaay.

But a lot of things have changed after her death. Yes, I almost got a boyfriend after her death! Hahaha. Well, both of us just got it wrong. Aaaaaand! I almost failed my promise to Nanay if I happened to continue that thing! :P Then,  I have to deal with my problems alone. I do talk to Lola about my problems, uh, in terms of finances or acads, or family matters, but not my personal problems, because I find it too petty to talk about. Aside from that, there are some things that I have to do now without anyone's help. Like, washing my own clothes, cooking my own food, going to the grocery, cleaning my apartment, budgeting my money for the whole month. Yes, those things may seem really petty to some of you, but not to me.

After her death, I learned a lot from what I have experienced. You have to be strong for yourself in order to surpass those obstacles. Always stick to your own values, because it will always remind you where you came from and how you were raised.

I thank God for giving me a wonderful Nanay who served as my second mother, my life mentor, and my inspiration. I know she's happy that I finally made my dream (and also her dream) come true :) I love you Nanay and I miss you so much. Hope you can visit me sometime! :P hihi

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Hahaha, I really can't arrainge my thoughts well. My hands were wet because I'm wiping off my tears! :D

Flatter me more

After watching Kamisama Hajimemashita, I still feel so kilig with Tomoe and Nanami until a BBM contact made me feel grumpy this morning.

He greeted me "good morning" while I replied the same, too. And then, he asked me if he could add me in Facebook and I said it's okay. Then after seeing my DP, he started saying that he finds me cute or whatsoever (and I don't really care). Actually, those flattering descriptions didn't made me happy, but it made me annoyed. Srsly. I hate it when someone spoils my day, especially when my day isn't even starting because I haven't slept yet. 

Aside from that, I find guys like him annoying. They can be easily blinded by superficial beauty especially by judging through facebook pictures. He also sent me a picture of my DP through BBM. Srsly, I HAVE MY OWN COPY OF THAT IMAGE, STUPID!

Few days ago, a former HS batchmate who studied in our rival school before chatted me through FB and asked me if what am I doing now since I already graduated and chuchu. Since I KNOW guys like him (KAMOWN! Do I have to enumerate my high school suitors before who made the same move? THEY'RE SO PREDICTABLE. PLAIN. NONSENSE), I was able to know where our conversation will flow. And then he ASKED me if I have a BOYFRIEND right now. 

Honestly speaking, I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. So what?

But I told him that I ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND who's also from FEU. He even asked for more details about MY ALLEGED BOYFRIEND, so I made a story that we've been together for 2-3 years already and we just kept it a secret to my family and friends. Then, he told me that he was actually thinking that P (not that person's initial) was my boyfriend! HAHAHA. And what made him think that there will be a possibility that P and I will make a couple? HAHAHAHA. Lunatic.

Any, P was T's (the FB chatter) classmate from Elementary to High School. Last year, P tried to court me but I dumped him that very same day telling him that I dont like him. Sorry for being harsh, but I don't want to commit myself to a person that I don't like. I didn't felt a bit of pity for P. He persisted to court me and even went to FEU all the way from Perpetual-Las Pinas (he was a football varsity there) to meet me, but I didn't had any plans to meet him in that very same day and I don't want to give false hopes. Besides, it will be such an effort for me to go to school even though I don't have any business there. Sadly, I dumped him thrice. His elem friends (who were my HS friends) explained everything to him why I dumped him. Even though I wasn't able to explain myself (and I don't need to!), my friends were there to defend my side. Now, he added me on Facebook and on Twitter but I blocked him. 

I have refused guys during my senior year because I liked someone, but now it's a different story. Since I'm in the REAL world now, I have to be careful with who I wanted to be with. I'm not an experimental person, once I decided on a serious thing, I want it to be permanent or long-lasting. 

From ranting about that certain BBM contact, to that FB chatter T, and P, it made me conclude that I'm already a man-hater now. HAHAHAHA. After graduating, I'm really not in the mood to mingle with "boys" because I'm currently looking for a "man." Back-off kiddos, I'm gonna find my man, soon! :)

Lessons

Sometimes, watching Koreanovelas can help you realize something.

Lately, I feel like I'm such an insensitive daughter to my dad. Even though we live now under the same roof, still, we don't talk that much. Maybe because I think he's "busy" with other things or I'm just not in my regular self. As you all guys know, I can't stand a day without talking to someone. But now, since I'm getting used of being alone, I can do it already.

Awhile ago, Mom (my Mama's only sister) called me up and asked me about my very BUM life. She also shared what Papa told her when they had a chance to talk. Papa said that I'm making him as my servant, but I said that it's just natural for a parent to serve his daughter since it's been a while (or should I say, in my lifetime) that he haven't served me as a visible parent.

Aside from that, I'm also ranting about some chuchuness and chuchu to Mommy. Good thing I know how to control myself whenever I'm talking to Papa. I admit that my father and I have a "strained relationship" but it didn't hinder me to be a good daughter. I finished college without causing a lot of trouble. I think it's the essence of being a good and well-raised daughter.

After talking to Mommy, and spending the whole night without uttering any single word (mag-isa lang ako sa apartment), a lot of things are running in my head especially what mom told me. I know my dad is a passive person. He doesn't initiate a conversation, or raise his voice, or argue on a topic. But honestly, I hate it, because I hate lame people. Okay, let's say that we have our own individuality, but why can't he adjust himself for his daughter? I know it's not right to blab these kind of things here, but I need to release it. As what my Tito Alvin told me "Don't be like that to your dad. Lalayo yung blessings sayo." And growing up with Lola and Nanay who values tight family bonds, I think I forgot what they taught me when I was young. My mind was overshadowed with shallow thinking and minding what I want and what I hate. Maybe I need to adjust myself to my dad (whose personality that I really don't know since I didn't grew up with him and I don't really know how to deal things with him).

May God give me enough patience and understanding most especially that I'm in my young adulthood stage and I need a lot of it as I cruise in this roller coaster life.

Going solo

Living independently isn't all about fun and carefree life, this will test you if you're to survive, alone. Yes, starting today, mag-isa na lang ako sa apartment. This is it, ang araw na kinakatakutan ko noong bata pa ako. Honestly, I don't want to live alone dahil isa akong "linta" (based on our psych review, which is "dependent'). Many people couldn't believe that I'll be able to continue life even without Nanay because I really depend my life on her. She does everything for me, like waking up early to prepare my breakfast and so on. Gaya nga ng sabi ko kanina, eto yung araw na kinakatakutan ko, yung araw na iiwan na ako ni Nanay dahil matanda na ko at kelangan ko ng mabuhay mag-isa dahil kelangan ko ng magtrabaho. Well, in my present case, medyo napaaga ata. 

It's not the first time na namuhay ako mag-isa sa apartment. Last year, I was left alone here dahil umuwi ng Palawan yung kasama ko dito dati. So, mga 3 weeks akong nag-isa rito. Actually, nag-enjoy ako mag-isa, and dun ko lang nalaman na OC pala ako pag mag-isa sa bahay. Pag may konting kalat, walis agad at kelangan naka-ayos lahat ng bagay :) Medyo di nga lang nakakatuwa na tulog ako sa umaga at gising ako sa gabi bilang paranoid si Lola na baka pasukin ako ng magnanakaw o di kaya atakihin sa puso. As far as what I learned, RHD will not result to heart attack, unless sepsis. Haha. And for the first time, biglaang nag-overnight ang EB 11-12 bilang gabi na sila umalis ng school nun. Haha, inuman agad sa bahay. Then nag-overnight din si Ate Reich after nung Tagaytay trip naming dalawa. :)

Struggles: Di ako marunong magluto. Prito maybe? Hahaha. Sain, prito, laga ng itlog, luto ng noodles lang alam ko. Nagsisi talaga ako na di ako nagpaturo kay Nanay magluto nung bata pa ko dahil confident ako na makakasama ko pa sya ng matagal. Next, mahirap maglaba. Nung bata pa ko, gustung-gusto ko maglaba kasi ginagaya ko si Nanay dati. At bilang sakiting bata ako, konting babad lang sa tubig, sipon na agad. Poor me. Buti na lang may washing machine kami, unluckily sira yung dryer. Then isa pang struggle sakin eh yung pagkakahiwa-hiwalay nung mga damit base sa kulay. Hay jusko! Marunong naman ako sa ibang gawaing-bahay maliban lang sa dalawang yan.

At dahil sa mga nakwento ko, pwede na ring sabihin na buhay prinsesa ako mula pagkabata. Haha. Medyo ganun na nga. Ang kelangan ko lang gawin noon, mag-aral. No choice, nakakapagod kaya maglaro, and take note, di ako pwede sa mga sports eme dahil sakiting bata ako. Pero di naman ako yung bata na kelangang may breakfast in bed at kelangan pa ng seremonyas. No, normal din naman akong bata noon. Since pagsasaing at prito lang ang alam ko, yun yung kadalasang pinapagawa sakin. Tapos ina-assist ko rin si Nanay magluto at si Lola pag nagsasaing (Pag si Lola ang nagsaing, parang pagkain ng maysakit, Lugaw). Ako rin yung taga-tikim sa bahay, haha, pinakamasarap na trabaho ever. Nagwawalis din ako, at required na ako yung maglinis ng kwarto ko kasi ako lang nakakaalam ng mga ganap dun. Ang masasabi kong "dirty job" ko dati, ang magpa-apoy nung uling or kahoy kapag nagsasaing (Buhay probinsya at it's finest). Every summer, ako ang naka-toka sa pagsasaing, pamamalengke, paglilinis ng kusina, paghuhugas ng plato, pagwawalis ng bahay, at pagpapakain sa pitong pets namin (cats, dogs, fishes, love birds). Since around 11am eh ready na yung lunch, as early as 9am eh nagpaparikit (tama ba yung nagpaparikit? haha, di ko alam! basta nagpapaapoy yun!) na ko sa kahoy (swerte kung uling!). Jusko, halos mamaga na mata ko sa kaluluha kasi ang sakit sa mata nung usok at ihip ako ng ihip. At bilang dakilang tamad ako, binubuhusan ko na lang ng gaas. HAHA. Minsan naman pinapaypayan ko nung nigo (Nigo din ba tawag sa tagalog nung ginagamit na pantalop sa bigas?), eh pinagbawalan ako ni Lola kasi *insert pamahiin here*. Halos isang oras ang struggle ko ha! Well, nung una lang yun no! Sa pamamalengke naman, naka-budget na mga bibilhin ko. Madalas ako bumili sa mga suki namin kaya madali na lang yung pamimili. Gusto ko yung humihiwa ako ng bituka ng isda tsaka nung gills. Haha. Kunwari duguan yung daliri ko :P

Present struggle: Ang magising ng maaga at i-budget ang 500 pesos (hangga't di pa dumarating yung next allowance ko). Struggle magising ha, maliban sa stressed ako sa pagrereview til dawn, eh feeling ko ngayon pa lang yung "inupang" days ko ("inupang"-basta yung period na lumalaki ka. Yun! Basta, mahirap i-explain!). Saan aabot ang 500 pesos ko? Actually di ko alam! Maghihigpit na lang ako ng sinturon sa mga susunod na araw.Huhu, eto na ba yung buhay-unemployed? Eh kung pwede lang di mag NLE, malamang may trabaho na ko no? Di naman ako makapamalengke kasi mahal yung bilihin at di ako marunong magluto. Worse, may Galunggong Ban! Di ako makakaprito ng favorite fish ko :( So buhay-karinderya to death ako. No Starbucks, and fastfoods muna. Siomai rice everyday na lang, pantawid gutom. Huhu. This is the reality of life. Uy ha, di porke prinsesa ako eh di ko kaya mag-cope sa ganito? Pano pa't naging taga-probinsya ako? Haha. :)

Okey, bilang wala akong makausap, dito ko na lang binubuhos yung kadaldalan ko. Eh ganun talaga eh. :)) Hello nga pala sa mga fans ko, lol. Miss ko na yung mga fans kong sina Ate Clar, Dairen, Janice, Cindy at sa mga non-Blogger friends ko na binabasa yung blog ko lalo na pag may gusto ako ikwento na na-blog ko na :)

Mild anxiety

Sabi nga ni Mark Dagli (my former classmate), okey lang magka-mild anxiety dahil healthy ito sa panahon ngayon. Well actually, parang gusto ko pa pindutin ang panic button dahil 21 days na lang at NLE na. Honestly, hindi pa ako ganun ka-ready sa NLE. I know my reviewers are all good and I learned a lot from them, but iba pa rin pag ikaw na mismo sa sarili mo. These past few days, my anxiety was pretty relieved when I visited Nanay's grave. It was nice to share my thoughts and feelings to her kahit na nakikita naman nya ako at nababasa nya kung ano naiisip ko. 

I wanna scold myself again for skipping my class earlier. Di ko kinaya magising dahil antok na antok ako sa kaka-self review. Siguro ganun talaga, sa lahat ng ginagawa mo, may mga bagay kang kelangang sina-sacrifice. Even though di ako pumasok, I still made my day a productive one. Yeah, productive dahil nagreview naman ako mag-isa. I reviewed some of my MedSurg concepts and answered some sample questions. Now, I just finished anwering a pre-board preparation exam and unluckily, I failed. I know that disappointments will come my way to tear me down, but no, I won't let it ruin my dream! I still have few more days to go to study and make things "perfect." As far as I observed, di naman ako totally bobey sa ilang questions eh, medyo nagkakamali lang ako dahil sa clinical judgments ko. Yes, we need to stick and follow a certain judgment para maging tama ang sagot namin. Di pwedeng eto-yung-gusto-ko judgment, dapat may clinical basis.

I really envy my classmates who have their study buddies. Iba pa rin kasi yung may kasama ka mag-review kasi may nakaka-share ka ng knowledge and insights. And I pity myself for being a loner dahil nagso-solo ako sa mga bagay na may makakasama naman ako. I admit that Im good when it comes to group review, ewan ko ba, napansin ko lang to nung 1st year college pero hindi ko na nagawa after nun. Any, going solo is really a struggle dahil nung una pa lang, di ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan yung mga bagay bagay. Chaos lang talaga. Last week, I asked my classmate na kung pwede kaming mag-review sa apartment nya since solo lang sya. She agreed pero nung huli, waley na. One reason why I wanted her to be my review buddy because her notes are all complete (and since I skipped a lot of our sessions, I badly need her copies). Hay, feeling ko lang tuloy parusa sakin to dahil andami kong absences. :( Last Wednesday, I asked another classmate of mine to get me some copies of MedSurg since I will be going somewhere and she agreed. Then yesterday, I asker her about those copies and told me that she forgot to get some extra copies for me. I really felt bad, parang wala na ata akong maaasahan. But then again, I blamed myself because it's still my fault anyway. Umasa ako sa isang tao na wala namang pakialam sa classmate nya. Sorry for this pero para sakin naging "selfish" sya in a way na parang wala man lang syang empathy, and kasalanan ko rin kasi iba yung inuna ko. Minsan talaga fail ako pagdating sa decision-making. 

Kahit na medyo may struggle ako sa review, there are still a lot of people who makes me feel loved and empowered. Thanks to my Advo family for cheering me up and for reminding me to "top the board exam." I know it's hard to reach and still impossible as of this moment, but who knows, miracle might just happen in June 2-3 :) Thank you to my ate-slash-classmate who scolds me whenever I skip classes, arrive late in our review, and tweet while taking the exams. Thank you ate for making me feel guilty when you scold me, feeling ko tuloy may nanay ako sa review ;)  Thank you also to a friend of mine na lagi akong pinagsasabihan na nag-cut ng class pag nahuhuli nya ako sa Twitter. Sorry pows. If you happen to read this, 2 days after mo mag-tweet, absent uli ako. Sorry for breaking my promise again.

Lastly, thank you Blogger for being there for me. Actually medyo nahihiya ako kasi naturingan akong writer pero pansin ko lang sa last post ko, sabog na sabog yung diwa ko. And I don't purely write in English. Pero sabi nga ni Dairen sa post nya dati, mas okey pag Filipino kasi mae-express mo talaga yung nararamdaman mo.

I still have a lot of time to review, no need to stress myself. I'll just enjoy answering those questions and nail the board exam. 21 days to go, at kelangan ko ng patunayan na si Future Nurse Lei, magiging Registered Nurse Lei :)