What about now

It frustrates me so much that I've been so unproductive after I took the boards. I could've worked already after that, or went home to take care of Lola and some family matters. Gahd, I never expected my life could be this oh-so boring.

Just moments ago, I saw a picture of my classmate's visa in FB (Tomorrow's her first int'l flight. Well yeah, a nurse who happened to choose being a flight crew than working in a hospital). Not that I feel envy or what, I just thought that most of my classmates are working or should I say earning already, yet I was like a polar bear still hibernating in my comfort zone, or maybe a turtle feeling lazy to get out of its shell. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now (aside from "other" feelings).

Well, I've been bombarded with a lot of problems last week. I had to deal with some dilemmas that could make or break something (I'm telling you, it's a SERIOUS matter. Much serious than my relatives asking me if I have a boyfriend already). Good thing I have a supportive family who backs me up whatever happens, and gives sound advice.

Dealing with problems should not be  faced with a crumpled-like face, I think it's much better if you'll take a deep deep breath (that would even balloon your lungs until your bronchioles explode. LOL) then flash a bright smile. Not that you're being "plastic" with yourself, but it's the best way to start with.

During the series of problems, I was in Bicol with my cousins. Good thing I was in a place where I could breathe fresh air that will help me think much better, than here in Manila where I could take polluted air that will soon shrink my corrupted brain. Going back to Manila alone (bus ride) was a challenge because it was my first time. I don't have anyone to talk to when I feel bored or what. I happened to sit with a woman (in her late 20's or early 30's). At first, I'm not comfortable sitting with someone, especially when I'm alone (so call me selfish then).

Since I can't sleep during the trip, I stayed awake thinking about random things, and reminiscing those Bicol trips I had with Nanay when I was young. Twas kinda cool that I still remember some places we passed by before. While we're entering Lopez, Quezon, we heard a loud kablaam at the back part of the bus. I felt nervous at first, because hello?? Turned out that the rubber something of the back wheel exploded/bursted/shrinked (whatever). Good thing we're not running that fast, so an impending accident didn't happened. And because of that incident, my seatmate and I started to talk about what happened and talked about a lot of things like a long-lost friends.

During the latter part of the trip, it was me who talked and shared a lot of things about family and how I grew up. And after that very long conversation, I realized how lucky and blessed I am as a kid, as a person, and as a part of my family. Well despite of the problems I had days before, I was able to pass through it. I think that my real blessings are not money or anything, it was the people around me who made me like this. I'm blessed with a very supportive family and a good crop of friends. Some people may say that they don't need a lot of friends, but for me "Why limit your number of friends? You'll never know, you might get to know someone who'll make your life different."

I remember during my high school senior days when Lola told me not to make friends when I get to study in Manila. Actually, I cried hard that time because I feel like they're cutting some of my body parts. I talked to Lola on that very same day and told her what I feel and explained everything, and why she shouldn't control or limit me when it comes to choosing friends, or who to be with. And now, Lola's very happy that I found a lot of friends that helped me survive in the jungle of Manila. Like I found brothers and sisters, good friends, cheerers, etc. Those people who helped me in my studies, problems, and even during the haggard-est days of my life, the board review.

Having or picking good friends isn't as easy as ABC, sometimes there will be people who will hurt you soon. But wanna know my secret? I actually prayed for it (really hard). It's hard to pick a person and then ask God if he will be a good friend or not, so why not pray for it before you happen to know someone? I also did the same thing before entering high school. Instead of contemplating at the end part, why not pray for it before it started?

Last Friday, I had another dilemma that made me feel like I'm torn between someone I really love and my own future. Since I can't find someone to talk to, I just slept early and prayed that I'll be able to think better the next day. And the next day, the solution came as fast as a text message! Mommy and tita called me up to discuss something and then adviced me on what to do. Baam! Solved problem! :)

I'll probably go back to Palawan (after 2 years!) this week or next, to take care of Lola. Since I'm already a nurse, it's about time to take care of her and give back. She sacrificed a lot for me since I was young, so now that she's old, it's my duty to do the same for her. Then maybe after a month, I'll come back here in Manila and find a job :)

Actually, Lola's encouraging me to move back to Palawan. But I can't. So Mommy told me to spend a month there and go back to Manila to finally look for a job. It's kinda hard to move back to province when you're already used to live in the city. It somewhat makes me feel like I'm regressing. I know Lola will understand. :)

NEXT MONTH, I'll be looking for a SERIOUS JOB. I SWEAAAAR!