Very wrong?

I guess I'm just using this blog to exhaust my frustrations, or just to hear myself from everything I'm overthinking these past few days.

Disclaimer: To my UK friends, I hope yall wont get shocked with my posts here. Just in case anyone on you happen to find this.

I'm quite confused with my feelings for this Brit guy I used to see. He was the one I mentioned in my last entry. After that July happening, he texted me around October up until December. We just annoyed each other and didn't come into terms about things. Being the stubborn person that I am, I just argued with everything he said. We did see each other again before New Year and talked about kinda serious things. He told me about this girl he likes, and I told him that I like someone else as well (which is true). I even said to him that we should stop everything in 2019, which he reluctantly agreed.

Idk if I'm being such a forgetful person, that I texted him after New Year and he reminded me to stick to my word. After that, I stopped messaging him.

But these past few weeks, I can't help but think about him. Weird, but I miss his annoying ass sometimes. This is where things get confusing, because I think I like him but I just deny it to myself. Or maybe I just miss his attention. I dont know anymore.

We did texted each other yesterday, and he seemed different: not as arguing as before. It's nice to be talking like normal people, but I'm not used to it. A part of me wants to annoy him, but I feel like I'm proving myself more that I'll be forever childish.

This shouldn't be a problem, but I just can't stop thinking about it. Ugh.

Comeback comeback comeback

I decided to go back to blogging and journaling after I realized that I'm not updated with myself these past few months. I feel like I'm spending a lot of time in my room doing nothing and never achieve anything. Since it's summer, I decided to make a travel blog entries on my Wordpress account. Wish me luck!!

----
Quick update!
After that friendzoning, to cut the story short, nothing changed! I mean, I expected that we'd naturally drift apart but we didn't. Instead, we grew closer and became a lot more comfortable. We still go out together but we're not even dating. Hahaha. He can date whoever he wants, and I can too.

Sooo, here's the juicy part. I decided not to spill about this guy, but anyway my friends knew about him already. He's British, and just a little less a year older than me. He looks like a fine English gentleman, but with a naughty and cheeky side.  Lol. I mean, I like Nikko so much but it seems like me and *this* guy are each other's back up. Honestly, I don't even like him but he likes me! 🤣

Moving on, he kept on inviting me to go on dates but I kept on ditching him for Nikko. I'm quite surprised that he was never mad about how I ditched him last time. But yeah, the heart wants what it wants!! I know Nikko is such an impossible case for me, but let me be happy, universe. I'll take care of my feelings, and I'll try my best to be his friend.

Comeback post

So yeah, I've been away from blogging here for quite long and I've been enjoying my life in London so far, especially that I now have friends who go out with me :)

Quick update!
I passed my OSCEs already, felt new and learning things (still!) all over again, and inproving my skills day by day. I got stressed as well due to my packed schedule and dreaded for a break since February but I can't. I had breakouts on my forehead and that added to my work stress as well. I went through rough mood swings for 2 weeks, and was so emotional during that. But yeah, I survived!!

The real deal
So here ya go. I have a crush on someone since February and we just met 2 weeks ago. He had no clue who I was but he accepted my IG following then, but had to unfollow him and then added him up again. Lol.

We met again this weekend, had few drinks with friend, and went out with them the next day. To cut things short, I like the guy's personality. While on my part, I feel like I did a lot of dumb things, but honestly, it was just me. Wafakels if he got turned off (I'm used to that, you know!) from my madaldal self (esp when I was drunk) or how annoying I am at times (hahaha, reminds me of how I used to ask A if he finds me annoying).

My friends are doing a lot of work for me and I'm so grateful for that, but they can only do so much. At the end of the day, it's still me who has to do the entire chunk of stuff. I feel like I was rushing myself to be liked by him as I am doing this entry, maybe because I am afraid of being delegated to the pits of friendzone again. Lol. But yeah, I should've just laid the friendship foundation first, rather than jump to those subtle banats and open arms. Hahaha. I dunno. I'm just worried since I won't get to see him in 2 weeks (or prolly longer than that, or not at all because of my dumb self).

As much as I want to maintain our communications, I feel like it'll be hard to do. I mean, I have my pride and he prolly knows that I like him a lot, so I want to regain my pride and refrain from talking to him. Sorry, this is just me.

------
There ya go, I just want to express myself here again. I'm being weird again. K.

Yo Momma!

I woke up super early today so to kill the time, I decided to watch We Got Married (well, especially the episodes where the CNBLUE boys appeared). While browsing the episode guide, I was quite curious in an episode where Seo Hyun (yes, SNSD) met Yong Hwa's omma (mother). To share what happened during their meeting, YH's mom was really accomodating, cute, funny, and appreciative. Looks like she approves SH as her daughter-in-law (WGM is just a virtual marriage show). And I just noticed that SK guys adore their moms so much.

Actually, that episode gave me the reason to blog today. Well, I won't fangirl on YongHwa this time but I want to explore my inner thoughts if ever I would be a soon to be daughter-in-law, and maybe a future mother-in-law.

In my current situation, I don't think that I'll be qualified to be a soon to be daughter-in-law because I don't even know how to cook. Well, I'm doing good in frying lately and then I also cooked adobo (which tastes very good). I think I would be more proud if I'd be able to cook my favorite sinigang and nanay's signature beef steak. (And my tummy says *growl* literally) Moving on, aside from the cooking skills that I lack, I think I'd definitely get a plus points when I get to talk to my future in-laws. Haha, you know me, I'm really good in conversations. :) I know that I'm not the kind of person who likes to give presents, so I have to make up for it. But if fortunately I have to budget, well I'll definitely buy something. It's just that I'm not good in choosing gifts. HAHAHA. Since elementary, I already had a "biyenan" (mother-in-law)! Hahaha. Well, she was my classmate-slash-crush's mom. She's very good to me, and until now, she still calls me to check me up. There were times during high school that they wished that I could be a future member of their family. Lol. It's funny that I get to share these things here but you know, I'm not really serious with the in-law thingy before. It's just that our families were very close before :D

Moving forward, even though I don't have any kids yet, I feel excited to be a future mother-in-law! HAHAHA. (Funniest thing you've ever heard from me) Well, I always wanted to have a son and it would be really perfect if I get to meet his future wife. I'm always the ecstatic person in every event, you know. Even to my friends' bf/gf, I get too excited to meet them. Well, the excitement would be much different when it comes to my son. Haha. As of now, I don't have any qualifications for my future daughter-in-law because as you all now, I myself doesn't even have my future in-laws. HAHAHAHA. Well, I'll just think about it few years from now. :)

-------
I just noticed that my blog can already be a family guide. Haha. From tales of an NBSB, to marriage, how to raise your kids, and how to be an in-law. HAHAHAHA. :)

Realizations in a rainy day

~Last night, I witnessed some facets of former friendships. It's quite hard to explain but this just only involves four persons, yet you will be able to see a lot of sides by just knowing the story of those two former inseparable buddies. This entry would definitely end up like a novel if I'd write their POVs here. Haha.

Realization 1: "Iba pala pag napagod ka ng magtanong ng 'Ano ba talaga?'"

Realization 2: So close yet so far

Realization 3: Avoidant personality disorder.

Like I've said before, I won't explain much (basta!) in sorts like this. I never imagined that time flies just like that. It feels just yesterday when you've seen them hanging out like BFFs but now seemed like he's just someone whom she/he only knows, by name.

Is it that hard to mutter a single word? Even a single syllable word like "Hi" or "Hello?" Does even saying that hurts your pride? Or just your silence is the only way for you to cover up your "weak side?" Is taking the initiative to eats you up as a person? Wow, ang arte mo po --I would easily say that, even to myself. But I understand that people has their own personal reasons for their actions.

Distance can be measured from millimeter to kilometer, even miles and light years. But I think, the real measure of distance isn't by the use of those metric systems, but it's the absence of connection, or communication. Yes, you might be sitting right to each other, but without connection or communication, that millimeter distance could turn to light year-like one.

I know communication is vital to every friendships, because it is the fuel that keeps up the flame of friendship between two people. But losing that "fuel" could make a big difference, even at a short time. For me, communication is important, but the real test of friendship isn't the one that is always updated with what's hot or what's not, but being the same old friend that kept his flame of friendship alive despite of the time (and challenges) that passed between the both of you (despite the absence of the fuel). 

Lastly, acceptance is important. There will be times that you'll feel like you can't mend what's broken already. Yes, you'll give up and walk away. But wait, take time to understand why things went that way, ask yourself on what you've done already and if no avail, give up, but learn how to accept why those things happen. There must be a reason, always.

-----

I understand that my entry is quite difficult to comprehend. Sorry, sabog lang ako from duty :D

 

Hashtag RELATE

*Don't take it too seriously guys!*

Flashback: It was my last night in Puerto Princesa when this "Friendzone" MMK episode was aired (it was later on when I learned that it's title was Wedding Booth). Too bad I wasn't able to watch it til the end because Kuya and I went to an event. So two nights ago, I planned to watch its replay online, and then decided to make this entry to air my side.

*Please watch it guys!*
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2-qupjGELQ
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N22sGVnybNM
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1THj5VVNLA


So there, medyo relate ako sa episode na yun, not because I'm a hopeless romantic, but I was also "friendzoned" twice. Yes, T-W-I-C-E. I know you KNOW who those guys are, but I won't mention their names here again because I made a promise not to mention them again here (and because, yeah, we're friends). The first one was the "unseen" while the other was the "always there" friend.

There are some parts of the episode that I can't relate, especially when Marq dated and had a relationship with Gel's best friends (Dina= college BFF; Belle= work BFF). Okay, let me react to this, isang HASHTAG taksil na BFFs para sa kanilang dalawa. Yes,  I would feel betrayed if the same thing happened to me, too. Like yeah, those people knows how Gel likes Marq but they somewhat "snatched" him from her. I know there's an unwritten law for BFFs, na hindi mo tataluhin yung bet/jowa/ex-jowa ng best friend mo. With what happened (if I were Gel), it's much better to lose them than keep them. Yun pa nga lang eh may ka-traydoran na, what more kung sa ibang bagay pa? (I'm really putting myself on Gel's shoes. And yes, I'm feeling it.)

But what really hit me was the confession part of Gel. I think it could even match Jolina's line as Bujoy in her past movie. Hahaha. Too bad I have to watch the episode again and write the whole conversation here.

KFine, I'm doing it.....

-----
Marq: Uy Gel, kamusta ka na?
Gel: Uy Marq.
Marq: Sorry nga pala kung di ako nakapag-text sayo, naghahanap kasi ako ng trabaho... Siguro magpa-part time turo na muna ako dito sa NOCC. Masaya yun diba? Magkakasama tayo uli.
Gel: Tingin mo talaga okey sakin yun ha? Tngin mo okey sakin na makita ka uli? Ganyan ka ba talaga ka-manhid, Marq? Di mo ba talaga alam yung nararamdaman ko sayo ha? Tingin mo okey lang sakin na makita ka lagi? Wala ka ba talagang pakialam sa nararamdaman ko? Di mo ba napapansin na matafak na kitang mahal, ha? Hindi ba? Sinubukan ko naman eh. Pinilit ko namang di maramdaman tong nararamdaman ko eh. Pero kasalanan mo rin. Pinaramdam mo sakin na yung mga kilos mo sakin, yung mga sinasabi mo, yung mga pinaramdam mo. Pinaramdam mo na espesyal ako.
Marq: Espesyal ka naman talaga sakin Gel.
Gel: Pero bakit hindi ako? Bakit hindi ako? Bat laging sina Dina? Bat laging sina Belle? Bat laging kaibigan ko, best friend ko pero never ako, ha? Bakit? Marq, may mali ba sakin? Bat di mo ko kayang mahalin? May kulang ba sakin? Meron ba?

--------

And next is Marq's part which was really something that I heard already. :P

Marq: Walang mali sayo Gel. *silence* Sa tingin mo ba hindi ko naisip na ligawan ka? Na hindi ko ginusto na higitan pa yung pagkakaibigan natin? Napakadali sakin na mahalin ka ng ganun, Gel. Pero ayoko, ayoko Gel. Alam mo naman siguro kung anong nangyari samin ni Dina. Nagkahiwalay kami. Pagkatapos nun, ni pagkakaibigan walang natira samin. Ayokong isugal yun sayo. Dahil ikaw ang isa sa mga pinaka-importanteng babae sa buhay ko. At natatakot akong mawala ka sakin. Pasensya na kung nasaktan kita, kung pinaasa kita. Di naman yun ang intensyon ko. Ganun lang ako siguro magpakita ng alaga at lambing sa mga taong mahal ko. At mahal kita Gel. Mahal na mahal kita. Sana pagkatapos nito, di ka mawala sakin.


Okay, so lemme react first on Gel's "abrupt" confession. For me, the honest way of confessing to someone was not the planned one. I mean, ang mga ganyan, biglaang sinasabi, walang plano plano. Kapag pinlano mo, medyo hashtag scripted na yan because you plotted what will happen eh. While in the abrupt one, your honesty is at its peak. No holds barred ika nga.

With what Gel said, I love the honesty and how she pointed out why it was always her best friends. Though the story has its own lapses since it really focuses on Gel, I wanted to know how Marq and Dina/Belle became that close and developed their feelings and how they broke up. Hahaha. Ang demanding ko yata?

Pero kung ako kay Gel, the moment Marq and  Belle entered the party and the guy acknowledged Gel's presence, sana man lang eh nag-plastic smile na lang sya para kunwari eh keri lang. Medyo halatado kasi si Gel. :P

------
On Marq's confession, gusto kong magkaroon ng bad girl and good girl's POV. Sorry, may alter ego ako.

Bad girl: I already heard his lines before. Let's just say that someone had thrown me that killer line before, and that I didn't know how to react because I didn't understood it well. Good thing I had a guy friend like June Ace who was really intelligent in debunking guys codes. Since Marq's line was somewhat similar sa narinig ko before, lemme insert June Ace's POV here. He told me that a guy would find it hard telling a girl like Gel (sabihin na nating kagaya ko.) that he loves her. Parang hindi raw honest. If I were to summarize yung mga sinabi ni Marq, Juneys would definitely say na pang-cover up lang yung sinabi ni Marq. Walang honesty at all. Hahaha. Mean guy is mean. K. But in my point, Marq is so selfish. Masyado nyang pinangunahan yung mararamdaman nya. I mean, he loves her yet pinigilan nya yung sarili nya kasi ayaw nyang masaktan si Gel. Hello, you could have been happier or the both of you could've been happier kung hindi ka natakot. Medyo natawa ako sa part na "Ayokong mawala ka sakin" kasi it just proves his selfishness. Nasaktan na nya si Atey and yet he wanted her to stay? Medyo magulo ha.

Good girl: Marq did the right thing, na inexplain nya kay Gel yung side nya. Mabuti lang it didn't took quite long for him to tell his own story kasi in my case, it took a year din ha. It's much harder kapag yung agrabyadong party yung nagsi-seek ng explanation pero yung kabilang partido is denying you of that precious explanation you deserve since day one. Well, until that fateful day came. Going back, Gel deserves an explanation from him. It took a lot of courage from her to tell him what she feels. Kahit na she felt rejected already, pero sinabi nya pa rin para maging honest sya kay Marq and sa sarili nya. It's difficult to fall in love with a friend, kasi feeling mo tina-traydor mo sya. He knows you as a friend, pero may hidden feelings ka pala sa kanya. I also liked the fact na ayaw nyang magaya si Gel sa ex nya who happened to be Gel's estranged BFF-slash-college roomate. Sabi nga nila, wag mong pitasin ang isang bulaklak kung sisirain mo lang. :)

"Never assume unless otherwise stated," yan yung sinabi ni Gel nung una, pero nung huli eh kinain din nya yung sinabi nya. No, hindi ako kontra kay Gel, actually kaisa nya ko. :) Sabihin na lang natin na sadyang sweet lang si friendd kaya napa-assume ng bongga si atey. Well, sweet sya kasi Gel is dear to him...as a friend. Sabi nga rin ni Marq na pwede nman nyang i-level up ang friendship nila eh, kaso sayang. Hay ewan. Medyo ambivalent ako ha. Pero I'm glad that Marq knows his intentions. Ang hirap kasi kung ni-level up nga nya yung friendship yet unclear sa kanya yung intentions nya and then eventually eh iiwan nya sa ere si girl kasi pati sarili nya eh hindi nya maintindihan, kung ano ba talaga yung nafi-feel nya or kung ano intentions nya. (Okey, I'm speaking based on experiences again.) But as a real friend that he is, he doesn't want to lose Gel as easy as that. Sabihin na lang natin na challenge lang sa friendship nila yung nangyari, pero nung huli eh they remained friends pa rin naman. I'm happy that friendship prevailed between them. Gaya nga ng sinabi ni Gel na " Kahit mabigat ang pinagdaanan nyo, basta malalim ang pagkakaibigan, kaya nyong magka-ayos sa tulong ng time and space." (Nung bata pa ko, ang time at space eh pang-measure ng distance. Ngayon eh paraan para mag-move on na! Hahaha. Ayos!)

Dun sa ending, medyo nag-expect ako na they would end up together, kaso they remained friends pa rin. Well, I wish them all the best. Malay mo, sila pala meant to be. Hahaha. Salamat sa MMK, medyo iyak-tawa yung ganap ko sa episode na yun. And props to Alex Gonzaga for nailing the confession scene, and kay Arron Villaflor na bet na bet ko :))

Baaaam!

Since I can't organize my thoughts well, medyo sabog lang talaga tong post na to :D

• Been watching Snow Queen and reading about Sungkyunkwan Scandal lately. And gaaah, can't resist with these good-looking long-haired guys (with some facial hair, beard and moustache)! I'm into guys like them who poses a very mysterious aura. Though in reality, I never had a crush like them. Well, I always tell my crush before to shave off his moustache and keep his haircut short and decent! hahaha. But hell yeah, pagbigyan nyo na ko sa dalawang to :D

Moon Jae Shin (Sungkyunkwan Scandal)

Han Deuk Gu (Snow Queen)

• I'm planning to work already this month (Yaaaay!). While some of my friends are already done with their basic and advanced trainings and now trying to gain experience in big hospitals in the metro, and the others are heading on a different field (training as a flight crew, pursuing medicine, working as an office staff in companies), I'm still here at my apartment sleeping 12 hours a day. Hay, feeling ko magde-deteriorate ata health ko neto. I was never this lazy before (hyperactive kid heeeeere!), pero siguro nga nagsilabasan na lahat ng pagod ng katawan ko from the past 4 years.
• Wala pa akong nasisimulan sa article na binigay sakin. I feel like nawawala na rin yung writing ko lately. Honestly, tinatamad akong isipin kung pano ko gagawin. But I can't help but think na ang gandang article nito kung sakali. Challenging, pero iba yung atake nung topic ng article. Ugh.
• And I found myself clinging to a sunbae (hahaha, something I learned from watching KDramas; means senior or someone older than me) last Sunday when FEU lost to UST in double overtime (sounds like a sports lead huh!). Actually, that sunbae was an RN who graduated from IN in 2010 (too much rhyme!). I was already expecting that FEU will win the game until he predicted that the game will reach an overtime. And heck, it did happened. Since super nail-bitter yung game, I found myself clinging on him and hiding on his back during the crucial minutes of the 2 OTs. Gaaaah. 

          So why did I posted this? I fear na baka tuluyan akong magka-crush kay Kuya! Oh no!!! Srsly, ngayon lang ako natakot uli ng ganito. Meron kasi akong mala-psychic feeling pag magiging crush ko ang isang tao. But this time, it's a noooooo. First, he's my Kuya. Second, madalas kaming nagkakasama sa games. And third, ayokong magka-crush nga kasi mahahalata ng dalawang ate ko (na lagi naming kasama). Huhuhu. Sayang, ang cute pa man din nya. Hahahaha. And I really found it weird na naging clingy ako bigla nung kabado periods ng game. Lechugas na game to o! Di ako clingy, srlsy.

• My apartment is a complete mess. Akala mo dinaanan ng bagyo.
• Gonna get my license this month! Yeaaaah!
• And lastly, I can't help but fangirl over Song Joong Ki. Sorry for my KDrama addiction!
• I really don't have any idea with SoKor's government, pero lately ko lang nalaman na may compulsory military service pala yung mga lalaki sa country nila for 2 years. So, sa 2 years na yun, nasa camp sila nagttraining, then made-delegate sa ibang fields like Army, Marines, Navy, and Air Force. Medyo nakakabigla lang nung nalaman ko na kahit mga artista pala sa kanila, pinagttraining and service din! So wala talagang exempted. Naisip ko lang, bakit walang ganun dito sa Pilipinas? Kaya tuloy andaming loko-loko at napapariwara satin eh. Sa panahon ngayon na medyo delikado ang bansa natin na inuunti-unti ng China yung teritory natin, sana lahat naman ng kalalakihan sa bansa natin eh kaya tayong ipagtanggol. (Medyo sexist lang yung last sentence. LOL) Ayun, naisip ko lang :)
• Gusto ko na umuwi ng Cuyo, kaso anong gagawin ko sa apartment ko na kayang magpakain ng isang pamilya yung renta. XD 
• Sana ma-push yung pinsan ko na mag-UST/FEU/CEU next school year at dito na lang sya tumuloy sa apartment ko para may kasama ako :)
• Medyo masakit sa ulo at mata ang UAAP standings ngayon. Nakakaloka ever.
• FEU, anek na? Isa pa lang panalo natin. Anubey.
• Okey, yun lang. Bayie :D
• Another sabog post. Bow

                  

Back

Note: Isang walang kwentang post. Bow.

I actually planned to keep this one as a secret, but in the end, bakit ko nga pala kelangang i-sikreto to? Ano to? Buhay ng high-profile na tao? XD

Last Wednesday, I was with Joshua. Yes, you read it right. Just click the Joshua tag to know more about him. Pero kung lagi kang nagbabasa dito, malamang alam mo na.

Moving on. Last week pa namin napagpasyahan na manuod ng game, syempre suporta naman sya sa childhood friend nya. The day before the game, nag-usap na kami kung san kami magkikita, which was Baclaran Church (bat kase anlayo?!).

Nung mismong day na yun, around noon, eh nagtext sya na ayaw daw syang payagan ng girlfriend nya. (Teh, wag masyadong magnet kay jowabels okey? Pasalamat ka eh martir sayo yang jowa mo kahit na... Nevermind!) So I told him na bahala naa sya umeskapo sa girl friend nya. Ayoko naman maki-join sa di nila pagkakaunawaan. After an hour, nagtext na si Joshua na paalis na sya. So pumunta na rin ako ng FEU para kunin yung tickets at nag-LRT papuntang Baclaran.

At nauna syang dumating sa simbahan kesa sakin, at late ako ng lampas 30 minutes. Aba, galit pa na late ako? May 'wtf' pa sa dulo ng text. Aba, walang murahan dre!

Any, pagdating ko ng simbahan eh nakita ko agad sya. Well, naka-white v-neck shirt (gaaah, kahinaan ko ang vneck shirts!) and acid-washed pants plus sneakers. Pagkakita ko sa kanya eh hinatak ko sya papuntang simbahan bilang magpe-pray muna ako bago umalis. Di na ko nakabalik uli dun after exams.

Since ambilis ko maglakad (at ang kupad nya), nauna na ko sa kanya pero paglingon ko eh andun naman sya sa likod ko at pa-ngiti-ngiti pa (medyo abnormal na ngiti lang). Pagkatapos nun eh naglakad na kami papuntang sakayan. Jusko, bat ba antagal maglakad neto? halos masunog na balat ko sa init. Ang hirap pa eh geographically-challenged pa tong kasama ko. Medyo masarap isumpa kasi ke-lalaking tao, di marunong mag-commute!

Pagsakay namin sa jeep, kwento agad sya about dun sa jowa nya na ayaw syang payagan at ginawa na nya lahat ng paraan para payagan sya. Hay, ganyan talaga pag medyo desidido, gagawin ang lahat. Sabi ko nga eh sana nagpaalam na sya agad nung nagsabi sya na manunuod kami. At dagdag ko pa "Ako nga eh, nagpaalam ako agad kaya pinayagan ako!" (Tunog may jowa kuno!) HAHAHAHA.

Pagdating ng MRT, kinawawa ko na naman sya sa kahahabol sakin sa paglalakad. Ayoko kasi ng makupad na tao. Makupad ako gumalaw pero mabilis ako maglakad. -_________- Hanggang papunta dun sa mismong sakayan eh halos hingalin sya sa kakahabol.

"Hahawakan na nga kita, baka mawala ka na naman eh." (Jusko, bat kinilig ako sa parteng to? HAHAHA) Ang bilis ko raw kasi maglakad. Medyo 10x nya ata inulit sakin na ambilis ko. So hinawakan nya yung bag ko habang naghihintay kami sa tren. (Jusko MRT Taft, bat lagi akong kinikilig pag napupunta ako dito? LOL)

Nung andun na kami sa tren, magkausap pa rin kami at medyo magkaharap kami (parang nangyari na to dati? Kaso medyo "close" ata yung nauna dahil siksikan to death sa LRT 1). Super random lang ng usapan namin, minsan inaasar ko sya na ang tanda na nya dahil 21 na sya at dapat eh nung 2012 pa sya graduate pero ngayon di pa rin sya graduate, tapos yung height nya na naungusan ko na, at yung pagiging martir nya (dinaig nya ko sa pagka-martir! Wag ka! XD). 

Nagku-kwento rin naman sya tungkol sa studies nya, sa OJT, sa buhay-jowa nya, at ibang bagay about sa childhood friend nya. Yung ibang mga chismis na nababasa ko sa twitter, medyo sa kanya ko vine-verufy. At sa sobrang tanong ko, nasabihan pa ko na " Stalker ka talaga ni Terrence no? Alam mo lahat lahat!" Excuse me, may ibang tao na mas may alam no! Ang pinagkaiba lang eh part ng work ko ang mag-research. Chos! :P

Pagdating ng Cubao Station, andami nyang pinagsasasabi. Haha, nakakainis yung kadaldalan nya. "Bat ba ang adik adik mo sa FEU? Oo nga pala, "alumni" ka nga pala." "Sorry ah, puro FEU kami sa pamilya eh," sagot ko naman. Nung dun na sa Farmers, hinihingal na naman sya sa kakasunod. "Ano ba, ambilis mo maglakad. Para tayong hinahabol o may hinahabol." Hello? Eh kung alam lang sana nya kung pano mag-commute eh di nakapanuod pa kami ng 1st game! Walanjo naman to!

Hay, mula Baclaran hanggang Cubao, di ko mabilang kung ilang beses kami nag-away. Jusko, di talaga fit ugali namin. Teka, di naman sya ganito katigas ang ulo dati (DATI) at di naman ako mapang-asar at mainitin ang ulo. Nagagawa nga naman ng 2 years na away-bating friendship na may kasamang isnaban.

Nung nasa loob na kami ng Araneta, napagkwentuhan naman namin yung last year na nagkita kami, at kung pano ko sya tinalo sa basketball, pano nya ko tinalo, at kung pano rin sya tinatalo ng gf nya na nakaka, 100+ points pa. Ikaw na te!

Medyo patapos na yung game nung dumating kami. Buti na lang eh nag-overtime!

Nung FEU na yung nagwa-warm up, andami nyang kwento about dun sa childhood friend nya. Wala eh, sya na maraming alam. Nung nag-start na yung game, halos di ko na sya makausap, masyadong tutok sa game, at tutok sa pagte-text kay jowa sabay share sakin kung ano pinag-usapan nila. (Bat kasi walang nagte-text sakin???!) Moving on again, pag may gusto syang ikwento, bubulong sya lalo na't di kami magkarinigan. Ang lakas ba naman ng drums!

Pagdating ng halftime, iniwan ko sya dun sa inuupuan nya at lumipat ako dun kay Kuya Kit. Hahaha, bat ba? Ang boring nya. (Though medyo nag-iimprove sya everytime na nagkikita kami, which was one in a blue moon, or once a year).

Nung second half, medyo dikdikan na yung laban. At nung nagpe-pray na ko, aba! nagpe-pray na rin ang loko. "Pag natalo kami, lagot ka sakin." Ayun nga, natalo kami. JINX! At in-enumerate ko yung mga games na nanuod sya at natalo ang FEU. 2010 PCCL Semis, 2011 UAAP Finals, 2012 FEU-DLSU KO game, then ngayon naman. Jusko, jinx nga!

Paglabas namin, kinukulit nya ko na ihatid sya sa MRT. My goodness, mas lalaki pa nga ata talaga ako kesa dito. Buti at nakita ko yung daddy ni Terrence at may makakasama na sya pauwi. Hay. Bago kami nagkahiwalay, may picture pa kaming dalawa. Thanks to Jocas! 

(Wala eh, mukha pa naman kaming bagay dito sa picture na to! HAHAHAHA. Pero in all fairness, mas matangkad na ako ng kaunti sa kanya.)

Ayun, nagkahiwalay na lang kami ng walang good bye o kung anuman. Oh well, sanay na ako dyan.

(Hello there Joshua Enrico! HAHAHA. Putek, ang boring mo pa rin kasama! Next time yung gf mo na lang isama mo sakin, baka mag-enjoy pa kami. I'm so proud of you! Pinaka-martir na friend, ever!)

After one year, ngayon lang kami uli nagkita. Medyo nakakatuwa lang yung feeling na nakita mo uli yung isang friend mo na kahit medyo hindi kayo in good terms eh mukha naman kayong close friends. Mukha lang. Kahit na medyo hindi okey ang nakaraan ko dito (at di ko naman pinagsisisihan yun), nakalimutan na rin namin yun.. Actually sya, parang wala ng maalala, medyo ako na lang ang may naaalala pa.

Matagal man naayos yung friendship namin, bilang andami kong tanong ssa utak ko, eventually naayos din :) Sana naman maayos ko na rin tong sarili ko at nang maayos ko na rin yung isa pang friendship na medyo na-spoil ko ng kaunti dahil sa gabundok na pride at pag-ooverthink.

hay friendship!

What's new?

Ano na? Anong balita? :P

• I passed the board exam. Okey. I got 75.20. I'm proud. :P HAHAHA. I don't care if I got a low score. Partida balasubas pa ko nung review nyan ha. I failed the pre-boards, I skip classes, I sleep during reviews, I tweet a lot, yet I passed. Thank you!
• Watching UAAP games religiously. Parang di ako gumraduate eh no? Ang pinagkaiba lang, tamad na tamad akong magsulat about the game. I'd rather comment about what's happening than write about it.
• Been dying to have an out-of-town, pero di napu-push. Walang kasama eh.
• Realized that I really needed someone. Someone na lagi kong makakasama. Well, it doesn't mean jowa kasi I'm not yet ready emotionally, psychologically, and mentally. Ah basta! It started while doing some grocery alone tapos uuwi ako na super daming bags na dala at wala man lang akong katulong magbitbit. 
• I don't want to work. Yes, feeling ko nagbabakasyon pa ko.
• Naubos na pages ng journal ko. 
• Wala pang regalo si Papa sakin :D

Okey, that's all. Hello nga pala sa mga fans ko. LOL. 

At sa mga nagtatanong about sa last entry ko, sorry, basted ang loko :D

Hay buhay! :)

Flatter me more

After watching Kamisama Hajimemashita, I still feel so kilig with Tomoe and Nanami until a BBM contact made me feel grumpy this morning.

He greeted me "good morning" while I replied the same, too. And then, he asked me if he could add me in Facebook and I said it's okay. Then after seeing my DP, he started saying that he finds me cute or whatsoever (and I don't really care). Actually, those flattering descriptions didn't made me happy, but it made me annoyed. Srsly. I hate it when someone spoils my day, especially when my day isn't even starting because I haven't slept yet. 

Aside from that, I find guys like him annoying. They can be easily blinded by superficial beauty especially by judging through facebook pictures. He also sent me a picture of my DP through BBM. Srsly, I HAVE MY OWN COPY OF THAT IMAGE, STUPID!

Few days ago, a former HS batchmate who studied in our rival school before chatted me through FB and asked me if what am I doing now since I already graduated and chuchu. Since I KNOW guys like him (KAMOWN! Do I have to enumerate my high school suitors before who made the same move? THEY'RE SO PREDICTABLE. PLAIN. NONSENSE), I was able to know where our conversation will flow. And then he ASKED me if I have a BOYFRIEND right now. 

Honestly speaking, I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. So what?

But I told him that I ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND who's also from FEU. He even asked for more details about MY ALLEGED BOYFRIEND, so I made a story that we've been together for 2-3 years already and we just kept it a secret to my family and friends. Then, he told me that he was actually thinking that P (not that person's initial) was my boyfriend! HAHAHA. And what made him think that there will be a possibility that P and I will make a couple? HAHAHAHA. Lunatic.

Any, P was T's (the FB chatter) classmate from Elementary to High School. Last year, P tried to court me but I dumped him that very same day telling him that I dont like him. Sorry for being harsh, but I don't want to commit myself to a person that I don't like. I didn't felt a bit of pity for P. He persisted to court me and even went to FEU all the way from Perpetual-Las Pinas (he was a football varsity there) to meet me, but I didn't had any plans to meet him in that very same day and I don't want to give false hopes. Besides, it will be such an effort for me to go to school even though I don't have any business there. Sadly, I dumped him thrice. His elem friends (who were my HS friends) explained everything to him why I dumped him. Even though I wasn't able to explain myself (and I don't need to!), my friends were there to defend my side. Now, he added me on Facebook and on Twitter but I blocked him. 

I have refused guys during my senior year because I liked someone, but now it's a different story. Since I'm in the REAL world now, I have to be careful with who I wanted to be with. I'm not an experimental person, once I decided on a serious thing, I want it to be permanent or long-lasting. 

From ranting about that certain BBM contact, to that FB chatter T, and P, it made me conclude that I'm already a man-hater now. HAHAHAHA. After graduating, I'm really not in the mood to mingle with "boys" because I'm currently looking for a "man." Back-off kiddos, I'm gonna find my man, soon! :)

Tapatan 2013

And I'm going to tell him that I like him.

There's no turning back, I need to do it now. At first,  I have no plans of telling him about it. But there's an internal struggle that I must release. Any, I wouldn't ask him anything, I'll just tell him that I like him. That's all.

Ever since, I never asked someone to like me back. I think it's pathetic and not nice to look at. Well, might be a case-to-case basis. Last October, I was able to settle my issues with Joshua, umm, as well as his issues too. I told him that I really like him, but I want to get rid of it because I want to move on. But one of the reasons why I'm still stucked because I still have a lot of unanswered questions. After our serious talk, I finally understood everything. And just like old friends, we tease each other about our craziness. That's it, no dramas and all chuchus.

This time, it'll be different. I'll be confronting someone whom I consider as one of my closest guy friends in college. My partner-in-cover, my instant companion, and an elder brother that I consult with some serious matters. This second sem, I always think twice whether to tell him about it or not. But whenever my friends teases me, I feel like he already knows about it, and he did! I always prayed that he wont act awkward whenever Im around because it'll definitely hard for me to approach him. Knowing that our sections are tag-teams, we will surely be inseparable during our covers. But few months ago, I started to act strangely whenever he's around. Like when he enters or exits the office, I try not to look or notice him. And I rarely talk to him whenever we're inside the office. IDK, maybe my hormones are just acting up. Lately, aside from acting strange, I felt something gushing in my blood. Some kind of energy, neurons, or whatever you call it that makes me feel,.... jealous. HAHAHA, you read it right! I know it's really bad, but that's what I feel. I dont tell anyone about it, and I always try to swallow it up, and ignore it as much as I can. HAHAHAHA. Braaaave! LOL

Moving on, I'll just tell about it then.... ding! Okey, move on! hahahaha

#ICAPSLOCKMOPARAINTENSE

These past few days, di ko maintindihan sarili ko. Ewan ko ba kung anong nangyayari sakin? Signs of aging na ba to or what?

Earlier, asa duty ako sa QI. I seem so okay naman pero nung dumating ako ng FEU, I don't know what happened. Bigla na lang akong nagbehave na parang wala sa sarili, KJ. 6pm ako dumating sa school tapos mga 6:20 lumabas ako sa EB pav at natulog. Sakto nagising ako eh 7:30 na then bumalik nung andun na si Janice. Asa office nun ang Sports (cindy, rogie, rj), Photos (armen, marione), EB (jerome, etc). Low-pitched pa naman boses ko kanina tapos sabay sabi na "Tara, uwi na tayo (Janice). Mata-traffic pa tayo" sabay labas. So nagmukhang nag-walk out ako, na kung ide-describe ni Jerome ay "storm-out exit." Actually I don't mean to do that "storm-out exit" thing, kaso feeling ko I'm in an awkward situation na di ko maintindihan. Since asa labas na ko, diretso CR na lang ako nun. And napagtanto ko na ang bobey ko for leaving the office like that. Ano na naman ba pumasok sa utak ko? Kumu-quota na ko sa pagiging bobey. Bumalik lang ako ng FEU para may makasamang mag-milk tea sa Moonleaf. Tapos nung inaaya na ako ni Don, ayoko pang sumama. "What's going on, Lhea?" tanong ni Facebook. Nung pauwi na, ganun pa rin ako, walang pagbabago.

pagdating ng apartment, napahiga na lang ako. Super blanko utak ko. Ewan ko ba? Napa-facebook na lang ako sabay nood ng 2012. I even texted Joshua pa pala, telling that I'm not okay (well, as if he really cares, or wala na namang load since single na naman ang lalaki). Si Jerome lang talaga yung naglakas-loob na nagtanong sakin tungkol dun sa ganap ko kanina. Hayy. I even shared some hints in Twitter that Im not okay. Minsan kasi pag nasanay na yung ibang tao na lagi kang okay, di na rin nila namamalayan kung kelan ka hindi. It happens to me all the time. Sometimes I really hate people na nandadamay ng kabadtripan nila sa mga taong walang alam. Well in my case, I'm having this internal struggles that i cant even explain.

Super pili lang ata mga nakausap ko ng medyo matino tonight. Yung iba, one-liner reply lang, yung iba trip ko lang replyan, may mga importante lang talaga, etc. Nagtext si JH dahil dun sa 2012 at resmet nya, na nireplyan ko lang ng isang nursing-related thing, si Ate Chin na iniisip na baka hormonal imbalance lang ang ganap ko, at si tito June Ace na gusto kong makausap kasi andami ko ng utang sa kanya :)))

May mga bagay pa akong ayaw ko pang i-share dito kasi baka matingnang rason kung bakit ako nagkakaganito (which is, di ko alam kung related ba o hindi).

Hayy, sana hormonal imbalance lang to, sana normal lang to. Siguro stress lang o kung ano pa man. hayy.

When awkwardness strikes

Kung kelan matutulog na ko, dun na naman ako nagka-urge mag-blog. Anyway, fast post lang kasi ayokong ma-BV til tomorrow and I still have a lot of work to do.

I hate myself for having this awkward feeling sa taong super dalas ko kasama. Well, he already knows about "it", so since kanina yung 1st time na nagkita kami ngayong pasukan, nagaganap na naman yung peg ko nung November na "walang-pansinan-kasi-wala-naman-akong-sasabihin" or yung "so-ano-naman-kung-andyan-ka?-so-kelangan-may-sasabihin-ako?". Ayan na naman tayo sa pride or pagiging overthinker ko. HAHA, kaya natalo kami sa Advolympics kasi masyado kaming nag-iisip sa isang petty na bagay. Moving on, pinansin ko lang sya dun sa haircut nya (MADAYA!), tapos after nun, puro indirect convo na.

Feeling ko nagiging scripted na galaw ko. Im too conscious of my actions. Hello? may huhuli ba sakin kung tatawa ako ng malakas? Since di ko na rin gusto yung ganap eh kinausap ko na si Don at inaya ko sya sa quad. Isang factor kaya nagiging awkward ako ay dahil sa pang-aasar nung mga kasamahan ko. It's okay na magloko-loko pero wag naman yung andyan yung tao. Tama si Don na kapag over na, kelangan eh kausapin mo na yung taong concerned para matapos na. Im not comfortable anymore. And besides, since he knows about it, baka may maisip sya. Ugh, im overthinking again! Stop it Lhea.

Pwede pang lumala tong awkwardness sa loob ko since I wont be seen in action sa school for almost 5 days. Asa school lang ako every Wed (free day nya) and Thursday (6pm naman labas nya). So wala talaga akong oras to fix this awkwardness. Ayokong mauwi sa impaired friendship to, pero.... Ugh, ang hirap ikwento dito sa blog eh. BASTA!

Holiday rundown

Since isa akong napakalaking tamad, iso-sort ko nalang yung topics keme dito :))

Acads:

Seryoso, nakakapagod! Partida 1 month and 1/2 pa lang yan? Buti na lang may Christmas break! Sana may Valentines Day break din! :)

Advo Christmas Party:

Seryoso, sa byahe ako super napagod. Papunta and pauwi, grabe yung dinanas ko (exagge yung grabe ha!). Maria Clara-Morayta-Ortigas-Buendia-Pansol. tapos nagtext si Joshua na sa Morayta daw sya. Malas naman, nagkita pa sana kami. Kaso nakakainis, nagpapaload sakin? Wow, ano kami? Magjowa? Ngek! fast forward! Sa byahe, di ako ma-kalma kasi gagabihin na ako then wala pa akong nabibiling food. Good thing eh updated ako sa ganap ni JH kaya sya na lang inutusan ko. Tapos nung di sya makontak ng madla, ako pa tumatawag. Haynako, call center na akez. Super forward! Pagdating sa venue, medyo nahirapan ako mag-blend sa mga tao. Ewan ko ba? Since may nararamdaman ako sa katawan ko, hormonal imbalance to malamang. Buti na lang eh di ako nag-iisa sa pakiramdam na yun at nag-bonding kami ni Pinsan Marione sa rooftop. Pagbaba namin, wala ng food. Kdie. Halos di ako makasingit as videoke, pila-pila eh. 

Tapos nung may inuman na, uminom na ko para lang may magawa ako sa buhay ko. Lame. Nung games na, ayun nagkandahilo-hilo ako. Tapos may games din samin na outgoing na super tagal kaya inabot kami ng madaling araw. Tss. So ayun nga, nag-swimming na lang ako after with Cindy and Sports tapos may pare-pare session na naman dun sa gilid pero di na ko sumali. Grabe, para akong biik na hinahatak papunta dun kaso ayoko. Hello? Tinatanong pa ba yun? Ayoko sumali kasi andun si JH. Eh baka sabunin ako. Pag minamalas ka nga nman, ako pa unang challenge. Iki-kiss daw ako ni JH. SERYOSO KAYO? Eh syempre conservative ako kaya ayoko. Eh pano kung na-push yun? Jusko, baka nilunod ko na sarili ko on the spot. Pinuntahan pa nya ako sa kinauupuan ko ha. He knows me very well, syempre bilang andami ko na naikwento sa kanya. Kaya nung sinabi ko na "No, JH. You know me", di na nya tinuloy. Pero seryoso number2, iba yung tono ng pagkakasabi nya ng "game". 

Juskupo! Moving on, tinanong ako ni Cindy kung okey lang ako. Well, wala naman akong problema, sanay na ko pag may kalokohan ang barkada kaya napagpapasensyahan. Pero si JH syempre iniisip ko kaya kinausap ko sya. Chill lang naman na usapan, tropa-tropa. Di nga lang napatagal kasi kinorner sya ni Cielo at hanggang nag-inuman na sila hanggang umaga. Samantalang ako, bantay sarado ni Cindy. HAHA. Syempre 19 pa lang ako tapos 21 na sya, halos papasa na syang guardian maliban sa editor ko :))

Nung umaga na, certified bangenge na sya. HAHA. Ume-english na eh tapos iba-iba na facial expressions nya. Nakakatuwa lang. Haha. Naloka ako nung sinabi nya na "Lhea, kakanta pa tayo ng boyband!". naalala pa nya yun? Eh tagal na namin napag-usapan yun ha. Tapos meron pang "Kita mo, kahit lasing na ko nakakanta ko pa yan ng maayos", "Ngayon lang ako nalasing ulit after 1st year", "Aware pa naman ako sa mga ginagawa ko", "Masaya naman. Bawal ba maging masaya?" :)

Nag-split na kami nung maliligo na sya at maliligo na rin ako. After nun, dumiretso ako sa kubo para manuod ng Inuyasha tapos nakatulog ako habang nakasandal si pinsan Marione. Nung nagising ako, andun na si Cindy then lumipat na ko sa girls room with pamangkin Aaron. Paggising ko, exchange gift na! Eh naiwan ko pala yung regalo ko kay Marione! FAIL! :P Binigay ko na rin gift ko  kay Cindy and Sports boys. Umakyat kaming lahat sa rooftop then picture na with the whole advo. 30 pala kami eksakto! Nung medyo nagkakagulo ang people, binigay ko na yung gift. Ayun, masaya naman sya. tapos may picture pa kami na parang bigayan lang ng diploma! HAHAHA.

Nung umalis na yung 1st batch, tumambay muna ako sa may billiards (2nd floor) then nag-videoke with Buts and Jerome. Nung huli, magka-duet na kami ni JH plus rap session pa. Moving on, umuwi na yung 2nd batch then gumala pa kami ng calamba. As usual, kami na naman magkasama. then picture picture dun sa bantayog ni Rizal then SM Calamba. Dami na naman naming napag-usapan pati na mga cake. Since matagal ang food sa chowking, pumila kami para sa cake. Tapos nung pauwi, hinatid nya kami sa sakayan ng bus. Then 2 hours byahe namin. Nakatulog na ko ha, tapos nagising ako, Makati na. tapos nag-jeep pa kami ni rogie. KFINE.

Christmas Shopping

Anlaki ng gastos ko SWEAR! Aabot ata sa 5K. Tepok ako neto. Kaya namumuhay ako ng tipid after christmas. HAHA

Christmas Gala.

Ilang beses na rin ako gumala. Una with Ate Reich, Don, Janice then Bro Franz. Di na ko napagod eh no.

Advices.

Puro love lang naman inaadvice sakin eh. Isa raw akong napakalaking bobo. Sabi nga ni Catherine "matalino ka nga sa academics, bobo ka naman sa love". HAHAHA. Thank you friends! :P Since super vinavalue ko ang sinasabi ng ibang tao, parang gusto ko na gumawa ng aklat. HAHA. Syempre iba pa rin pag may advices. Mahirap maging impulsive, dapat pinag-iisipan lahat ng bagay.

Reminiscing Christmas with Lola and Nanay.

Miss ko na sila. Miss ko na yung simpleng Nochue Buena namin. Magsisimba, tapos uuwi ng bahay na may pancit, sinakol, suman and cake. tapos anlamig pa ng simoy ng hangin. Aww. naiiyak ako. Di na mauulit yun kahit kelan. Naiinggit ako sa mga bata na kasama pa nila nanay nila, sana i-treasure nila yung mga moments na magkakasama sila kasi di mo alam kung hanggang kelan kayo magkasama. Partida super tinreasure ko moments namin pero ang hirap pa rin pala. 

OC attack. 

Since 2 na lang kami ni Ate, malinis na ang bahay. Yuhooo! :D

Katamaran

Di ako pumunta kina Tita Flor. Tinamad ako eh!

----Di man lang pala ako nakapagsimba -_____-

Go for it

"Go for it" na siguro ang pinaka-overused na sinasabi sakin ng mga friends ko. Well, pagdating sa lovelife ang kaso.

So this blog knows everything when it comes to my love-este-crush life. Yeah, I actually like someone from my org, and you guys already know who he is. We're actually close buds and we share each others' secrets and other stuffs.

Recently, he posted a status in his Facebook "chemical engineering board exam results <3". So, without any malice, I immediately liked it (though he posted it 9 mins ago before I cliked the "like" button, and no one has yet liked it). Then after few minutes, he deleted it. And by that action, I pondered why he erased it. The next day, yun na lang ang iniisip ko. Andami kong naisip, super dami like.... ah basta, akin na lang yun. I even asked my groupmates about his action and they gave me a lot of scenarios. HAY.

Nung hapon, I was shocked na magccover din pala sya ng Track and Field (na iccover ko rin!). Pagdating dun, I had a chance to ask him about that, pero pa-joke naman. Ang hirap kasi ikwento dito. Pero ayun, he just laughed na parang wala lang. Well, gaya nga ng sabi ni Chelsea, "baka dahil sa may pinagsamahan sila". May ugali kasi ako na pag may sasabihin ako, pinapahulaan ko pa sa kanya. Ang gulo diba? Example: May sasabihin ako sayo. Hulaan mo :) Parang ganun. Kasi kilala naman din nya ako eh. Nung mga nakaraan nga eh, halos wala na akong ikkwento kasi alam na nya. Haha, galing!

Seriously, selosa po ako. HAHAHAHA. Di halata. Kung pwede nga lang bakuran sya, gagawin ko na. Lol. Ang hirap pala pag friend mo yung gusto mo. Oh well, mas nauna ko sya maging crush kesa maging friend. Kaso after team building, mas nanaig yung friendship. Ngayon kasi ang gulo ng utak ko. Pag nagka-gf sya, pwede na mag Dec.21 anytime, handa na ako! LOL.

I know na focus muna sya sa studies nya, and Im happy to hear that. Haha, may sinabi pa sya kaso di pwede i-share. Char. Sorry for acting this way, ganito lang siguro yung feeling ng ga-graduate na tapos wala pang ganap sa lovelife mula pumasok ng FEU. Feeling ko parang end of the world na, NBSB pa rin ako. Pressure ba? LOL.

Lately, nagiging conscious na ako sa mga galaw ko, though gusto kong maging natural lang kasi awkward din yun sa parte ko. Una, isa akong napaka-annoying na tao, madaldal na, maingay pa, tapos magulo at makulit din. Sinong hindi maiinis at maiirita sakin. Minsan kasi ayoko ng taong naka-simangot at tahimik. Feeling ko mahahawa ako sa pagiging lowbat nilang tao. Like yesterday, dumating ako sa venue na tahimik sya tapos nakatingin lang sa kawalan. So ayun, kinukulit ko sya. Ganun lang.

Tsaka ramdam ko, there's something wrong with me. Yung mga galaw ko kasi, lakas makapang-friendzone. yung friendzone na ako yung nangfi-friendzone at ako yung nafi-friendzone kasi very tropa ako gumalaw. parang ganun. Di rin kasi ako malambing eh. Kay Nanay at Lola lang ako ganun. Sa iba, hindi na. :D Siguro, yung masasabi kong lambing eh yung akbay, sandal ulo, tsaka pag-aayos ng bangs nya. HAHAHA. ganun lang. Di rin kasi ako cuddly na tao. Di ako mahilig mang-hug tapos di rin ako malambing magsalita, uhh, minsan malambing din. Depende sa sitwasyon. :)

Ang hirap kasi kumempet sa taong di marunong magreciprocate sayo. Sabi ng mga groupmates ko, kemehin (landiin) ko raw. Eh pasensya kayo day, di ako marunong gumanun. HAHA. Well, poor me ba? Lol. Di kaya. Babaeng torpe po ako gaya ng sinasabi ni Donabels (Don Carlo). HAHAHAHA. Eh ito namang lolo nyo, di ata marunong kumempet! Aba, nagsama na kami. Buti pa malalandi, nakakakahanap ng kasing lalandi nila o naaattract sa malalandi. Eh ako naman ayoko sa mga malalandi eh. :D Moving on, di ko alam kung manhid ba sya o hindi. Well, baka yung friendship namin yung mga-hold back sa kanya. Eh tropa nga kasi kami eh.

Yung iba kong friends, iba naman din advice nila, like "I-feel mo lang muna ang mga moment nyo na ganyan", "Di pa nya alam kung ano gusto nya", "baka di nyo pa time ngayon", "Darating din kayo dyan, hintayin mo lang". Ang tanong, kelan pa? pag gumraduate na ako? Wow, do I sound like desperada sa lovelife? Di naman uy! grabe kayo ha. Ganito lang kasi yung feeling ng magkakahiwalay na kayo ng tao, ilang months na lang eh. Mamimiss ko yung mga times na nagccover kami ng magkasama, magdi-dinner ng magkasabay, chismisan sa byahe, magkasamang naglalakad, magme-merienda sa hepalane or tayuman, magpapasama sa bookstore o sa pag-iikot ng campus. hay, ramdam ko na yung feeling ni Dairen dati.

Basta! Come what may. bahala na si batman! :D

Aside

This evening, nakumpleto ang "Don's Angels", with me, Yon, and Beatty. So usually pag magkakasama kami, puro asaran o lokohan lang. And this time, ako ang puntirya nila lalo na ni Beatty Lyn. HAHAHA

It started nung paalis na kami ng office para mag-merienda sa R. Papa. Sabi ni Beatty, mang-invite pa ako, so nang-invite naman ako ng mga iba pang friends namin. Eh syempre tropa, puro malisya na naman kina Yon and Beatty bilang nasa loob si JH at iniisip nila na sasama samin. Nung paalis na kami, lumabas si JH and nakisabay samin til LB. Magre-research pa raw sya sa library kaya separate yung ways namin.

Pagdating ng Hepalane, edi ako ang bida ng tuksuhan. The last time na nag-usap kami ni Beatty, sa Starbucks P.Noval pa.

Me: Beatty, I learned a lot from you since nung last tayo nagkita.

Beatty: eh ano ginagawa mo?

Me: Ayun, di ko pinapansin pag pumapasok ng office. Tapos di  magpapansinan, hintayan kung sino unang magsasalita, then pag nagpasama sya/ako sa labas, dun pa kami magdadaldalan.

Beatty; Ba yan Lhea! Very wrong ka!

Me: 2 weeks ko na ginagawa yan eh.

B: Hello? Eh parang iniiwasan mo na yung tao eh! Di ko sinabing tuluy-tuloy, dapat paminsan-minsan lang. Kinareer mo naman?

M: oo, kinareer ko. Sabi mo kasi eh.

B: Hahaha, Nako Lhea wag ganyan, darating yung araw na di na talaga kayo mag-uusap.

M: Ay ganun ba? Aww, sige. Mali pala ako.

B: hay, nakikita ko talaga sarili ko sayo Lhea.

---Kitams, may coach ako o! :) HAHA. Kailangan sumunod sa nakakatanda :)) Ika nga ni Lola "Eksperyensyado na" :)

So, pagbalik ko ng office, di na ko nang-iisnob. Haha, di naman kasi snob yun, nagtitimpi lang ako na di sya pansinin, or di ako dapat ang maunang pumansin sa kanya. Pati si Beatty eh nakakahalata na di kami nagpapansinan.

Moving on, before uwian nagpicture-an kami sa bagong Pavilion. Yeay! Buti na lang maganda ang ilaw! :) Pansin ko yung mga the moves nina Don, Beatty, Yon. HAHAHA. Kayo talaga gumagawa ng paraan eh.

---

Nung pag-uwi ko, nagka-text kami about long weekend and work. Nakakaloka lang kasi mas busy pa sya sakin! Hay, di ko tuloy alam kung mas toxic ang Fine Arts kesa sa Nursing.

Since thesis mode si JH ngayon, andami nyang dalang libro. Ayun, mga 1:30, nagtext sya na nakita raw nya ang Cuyo sa Phil. Tourism book na hiniram nya and ang ganda raw, sarap daw puntahan. HAHA, Kfine. Edi sama na lang sya pag umuwi ako after graduation nya (which is RN na ako nun in god's will!) tapos with Advo friends din. Naiimagine ko ang kaguluhan sa bahay--eh nagsama-sama mga taga Advo eh (Okey lang, ako lang naman ata magiging tao sa bahay pag-uwi ko ng province).

Okey, i need to sleep na! LONG WEEKEND! :))

Crumble

And at the middle of reviewing for my NCM quiz for tomorrow, I just felt the urge to burst what I feel here in my blog. Actually, Im having mood swings since monday night. Ugh, hormonal imbalance.

Last Monday, JH accompanied me to C and E to buy my NCLEX reviewer. The last time we went there was when we bought his History book. Since it was already 6:30pm and I still have my duty at 9pm, we had our dinner at KFC. It's just a normal dinner with a friend but what made that dinner awkward was the mirror in front of us! (KFINE, hirap na ko mag-english! lechugas naman.) And another thing is, magkatabi kami. Di kasi ako sanay na pag dalawa lang kami ng kahit sinong kasama ko eh tabi kami, sanay ako sa magkaharap lang. Then, pag nag-uusap kami, sa salamin na lang kami nakatingin. Medyo matagal-tagal din kasi bago nai-serve yung food kaya mahaba pa yung time namin mag-usap.

Recently, I noticed na di kami magka-chika ng madalas pag nasa office pero pag nasa labas, super daldal. Well, siguro ganun lang talaga.

Pero kasi Im having this kind of dilemma from sembreak up until now. IDK. Iniisip ko na siguro kagaya lang to ng mga crush ko before, etc. Then I dont want to ruin our friendship since he's one of my closest guy friends sa org na napagkkwentuhan ko ng halos lahat. Tapos issue pa yung status nyang "I hate that I miss you" plus sabay pa yung pang-aasar ni Yon. -____-

As of this post, kakatapos lang namin mag-usap sa phone regarding dun sa isang tanong nya. Haynako Lhea, ayan tayo sa lovelife eh. Nakakarelate ako kay Dairen, oh my!"

@Dairen; "IAS-IARFA. So much for the girls I know who once dreamed of finding their Mr. Right in that institute." --hahaha, IN-IARFA. Chos. Pero relate much ako sib. HAHAHAHA. Bakit kasi andaming candidates sa IARFA? HA?

---Lhea, tulog na te. itulog mo na yan. makikita mo naman sya bukas.

Usapang K

K is for keme, kempet, kemps, etc. --Keri na? At yan ang ieeexpect mo sa blog kong ito.

SRSLY, matagal na akong walang kempet. Siguro ang pinakahuling matinong kempet ko eh si Joshua pa, pero that was like ages ago na. HAHA. After him, mga dumaang kempet lang na nagpapalipad hangin. Tapos may isa pa na nagse-seryoso na talaga kaso sorry, di ko sya bet eh, "the girl who cant be moved' pa ang peg ko nun.

Moving on, dalawang kempet lang ang ita-tackle ko dito bilang sila ang pinaka-recent. PAUNAWA: Meron bang attorney o judge dito? Kung wala, okeygopushforit tayo.

First: He's a good friend of mine na matagal ko ng crush. Medyo lumamlam nga lang ang ilaw nya sakin nung nagka-kempet ako at after few days eh nagka-kempet na rin sya. Pero aaminin ko, crush ko pa rin sya. :) Come October at waley na akong kempet nun, gusto ko pa rin sya (di ko pa alam na may kempet sya nun).

I admit, mababaw na pagka-crush lang yun nun kasi nga madalas kami magkasama, in and out of school (okaaay, may idea na kung sino!). Di ko rin maalala kung paano kami nagkasundo ng taong to. The last thing I remember eh yung Welcome Freshmen pa na umabsent ako sa 1st day ko sa Rizal then magkasama kaming nag-iikot sa quadrangle.

Last night, nagbabasa ako ng entries ko ng january, and may napansin ako na usapan namin ni older brother about sa kanya.Kasi itong si older brother, may pinapakiusap sakin na medyo di ako sigurado kasi nahihiya ako. Then umabot pa sa tipong pati posts sa FB eh pinag-uusapan namin and kiber lang ako kasi wala kaming communication.

Come May 2012, HORRAY! He's back! At first he was asking me about something na connected sa kanya. I was really hoping na he would come back until nag-tweet etong si crazy friend tungkol sa pagbabalik nya. So balik dating buhay na naman kami, more bondings and more chikahan.

Everything changed nung early September when our older brother left. Parang that prompted him to speak and share his own part or story. That was also the first time I saw him crying. And I was like "uyy! wag kang umiyak! di kita pinapaiyak ha!". I think, anlaking part ng traffic nun na makapag-kwento sya ng super tagal.

I admit na madaldal ako pero I dont ask some sensitive questions right away. I respect their privacy. Pero minsanm di mo inaasahan na yung gusto mong malaman, sila na lang magkkwento sayo. Sa part ko, natutuwa ako na they trust me kasi syempre di madaling magkwento diba?

After few more days and weeks, mas napaparami na ng kwento, mas diverse na ang usapan and minsan sya na rin ang nag-oopen ng topic, tsaka yung mga bagay na bigla nyang maaalala. Honestly, I still act normal around him pero pag wala sya and friends ko lang kasama ko, mukha akong may epilepsy :D

Nitong last week na lang ng October medyo nagka-something. Di naman sya something na may quotations, pero iba lang kasi. Medyo di ko iniisip, not until the "cuddle time" thing came tapos yung sa Batangas pa! HAHA. Recently, sinamahan ko sya sa institute namin para mag-enrol sa isang subject nya. Habang nasa pila, kinwento nya sakin yung hardships nya, makuha lang ang subject na yun. Final na yung IN kasi punuan sa ITHM, kung san pumila sya from AM to PM tapos waley ganap. Nagshare din sya kung paano nya pinaglaban yung subject na yun sa parents nya. Clap clap lang talaga reaction ko. I know na he's doing his best para ma-achieve yung goal nya and alam kong kaya nya yun.

Complete package na sya eh, matalino, mabait, kwela, masipag, dedicated sa ginagawa nya, goal-oriented, talented, and marunong makisama. Isa lang ang medyo di ko bet-- maaga sya matulog. :P 12am tulog nya, ako naman 1am! Pero ayun, I like him as a friend. I really treasure him as one of my closest guy friends na comfortable akong magkwento ng mga ganap and hanash ko sa buhay. :)

Second: isang tao na kapangalan ni former kempet! hahaha, SMALL WORLD. It all started with BBM, and then yung simpleng banat and the rest is... nevermind. Balak ko talaga syang i-basted agad, kaso iniisip ko, sayang tsaka para may makausap din ako paminsan-minsan. Nung una, di talaga ako comfortable kasi bumabaliktad sikmura ko kapag magkausap kami sa bbm. EK! Ganun talaga!

Tapos nung medyo pumo-porma na sya ng "lhea ko", mas di ako naging comfortable. Natutuwa ako sa mga korning bagay, pero meron ding hindi. Sorry, masstereotype ko sya as someone na "player" kaya ayoko ring makipagclose masyado. Though I know he would be a good friend.

Sabi ko nga, imposible namang magka-gusto ako sa kanya kasi may gusto naman akong iba eh. Pero kapag naging something to, baka maungusan pa nya yung isa. HAHA. Which is ayokong mangyari.

Comment: Okey naman sya, keri lang. I cant comment more on him kasi di ko pa sya ganun ka-kilala. and di naman kasi sya nagpapakilala eh. Yung ayoko sa kanya, mabagal magreply, tapos binabasa lang bbm ko ng wlang reply. honestly, ayoko ng lame na kausap (lame sya). HAHA. Ayun!

---YES? May duty pa ako later tapos nagbblog pa ako then ka-BBM ko si Cindy then katext ko naman kanina si Ji Hoo. HAHA. Si Ji Hoo na maaga matulog (cant blame him though, he needs rest).

Good night! Sorry sa isang napaka-walang kwentang entry! Di ko pa masulatan yung diary ko kasi di ko pa tapos yung salaysay ko dun about sa October 12 na ganap ko :)

Cuddle time XD

--as popularized by Ji Hoo (just ask me if you dont know him)

Recently, madalas kaming magkatext (though tonight eh waley, pasukan na eh) bilang sembreak :) I admit, i'm a Miss Know-it-All (pag writer ka, may ganyan kang mentality. Akala mo lahat ng words, alam mo), pero mas napatunayan kong well deserve ko pala ang pagiging Auditor ng Bobey Soc na founded ng batch namin sa Adbokeyt! :)

Me: Uy, miss ka na ng plates mo!
JH: haha, ayoko na sa kanila.
Me; haha. :) Bat di ka pa tulog?
JH: Wala. Sawa na sa unan. Hahaha XD
Me: Ha? bakit naman? Di ko gets!
JH: Cuddle time! XD
Me: Ek? matutulog ka na?
JH: Walaaaa XD

Siguro narealize ni JH yung kabobeyan ko. Kinain ako ng buo eh! :)

So kinabukasan, nasa bus kami papuntang Batangas with Ate Reich, Ate Lora, and Ate Criz. Then I randomly asked Ate Reich kung ano yung meaning ng cuddle time. And she said, "Lambing", "hug", parang ganun. Then I said to myself, "Gosh, ang bobey ko. Yun ba yun? Akala ko matutulog na. Parang meme!". And the three of them laughed so hard! Grabe, ganun ako ka-bobey! Kaya pala ganun reply ni JH sakin.

Nung gabi ring yun, I told JH that I misunderstood his 'cuddle time" reply, and he just said HAHA and talked about another topic. EPIC!

Moving on, nung sumunod na gabi, I always tease him the 'cuddle time" thing until he told me something that made me think deep. At di kinaya ng powers ko kaya kino-coach ako ni Ate Criz. Nanay Lora told me "Di pa nya alam kung anong gusto nya. Wag ka munang umasa." Tapos si Ate Criz kase, imba mga one-liner nya eh, sakto nasa beach kami nun. :)))

Kanina, meeting ng Sports, nakwento ko sya sa mga co-staffers ko. Then and unang nagreact eh ang June Ace reinvention na si Justine. "Ate Lhea, iba yan ha! Ang meaning ng cuddle time saming mga lalaki, lambingan, lampungan. Parang ganun. Basta ganun yun! (laughs)". So parang may something lang talaga ata dun sa cuddle time na yun. SRLSY. Pero ayokong umasa teh ha!

And just recently, medyo lumuwag na yung passages ng utak, at cardio-respiratory system ko kay Joshua. Tapos may isang Joshua  na naman sa buhay ko. Joshua Sar** sya. tapos Joshua Sarinas naman yung isa. BUHAY NGA NAMAN! Pero pag nakikita ko name ni Joshua2 sa bbm ko, si Joshua1 yung naiisip ko and parang ineexpect kong nagreply (eh magkahawig pa naman!)

Honestly, kinakabahan ako dito kay Joshua2 na to eh. Iba pakiramdam ko, parang takot ako sa maaaring ganap. HAHAHA. I mean di ko naman sya gusto eh, kaya hinahayaan ko lang sya. Tsaka mahirap na, may nabanngit na sakin na something yung friend ko. hahahaha Kay Joshua1 kasi, best of friends kami eh, so parang ang problema dun, ni-risk lang namin friendship namin (may closure na kami so ayos na!). kay JH naman, comfortable ako sa kanya. Well, lagi kaming magkasama sa school and sa labas ng school tapos makwento sya sakin and tropang tropa kami. Medyo nag-aalala lang ako kasi feeling ko alam na nyang bet ko sya (buong org na nga nakakaalam, tapos sya di nya alam? Naka-anesthesia lang?) :D

And I'm so back!

Hello there my dearest blog, ang baul ng aking very brilliant mind. LOL. So ayun nga, I'm so back na. Define pagbabalik. Nakakairita lang kasi puro Joshua-related na naman blog ko, uso mag-move on te!

Time check: 4:20. Wala pa akong tulog at wala pa akong NCP. Lechugas diba? Buti na lang wala kaming duty bukas, Case Pres and Post Quiz :)  Later ko na nga lang gagawin! Define katamaran diba?

Ang aga ko umalis kanina for duty, kasi balak kong tumambay muna sa Starbucks at gumawa ng NCP. Binayo kami ng ulan bandang Commonwealth, but di naman binaha dun sa may Regalado. Phew! Kasabay ko naman sina Chels and Muri nun. Then tumambay kami sa Starbucks hanggang 3pm :)

Rejoice! Di natuloy i-discharge yung patient ko. HIHI. Atleast naalagaan ko pa sya. LOL. :) So nag-VS ako, and sumama si Ana. Aba! Inunahan pa akong kamustahin si AJ! (Patient ko) Tapos eto namang si Aps eh kung anu-anong tinatanong kay AJ at dinadamay pa ko. Kaloka. Parang ike-case pres lang sa dami ng tanong. Chinika ko rin sya about acads. GOSH! May plan sya mag-MED! Parang bet ko rin eh! :)) Para classmates/seatmates kami! Kumusta naman yung surname nya diba? AJ Bago, tapos LJ Bagona naman ako. HAHAHA. Meant to be! On the other hand, tahimik sya at mahiyain pero parang naging comfortable naman din sya sakin after ko kausapin.

Moving on! Ayun, di ko akalain na last day ko na pala sa FEU-NRMF kanina. Since nganga kami after paperworks, todo Twitter naman ako. From Koko, You, Ate Isai, Zee, Ate Bien, andami ko ng naka-chat and natweet. Tapos nanghingi pa si Russel ng number ni Sir Ian. Hahaha.

Nung dinner naman, di ko naubos food ko, di ko kinaya yung Katsudon. Tapos usapang buhay and kalokohan naman kami ni Ate Rej. pagbalik ng duty, VS ulit and kinausap ko na naman si AJ. (READ: Nakita ko number nya sa chart!). GC pala sya! Sigurado matalino to. Actually, GC naman ako, di lang ganun kalakas pagka-GC ko :P

Lahat yata ng girls sa group namin, bet si AJ. Sorry, patient ko syaaa :)

Nung pauwi, nag-resume na naman yung banatan namin ni JA. HAHAHA. Nung pauwi naman ako, mag-isa na lang ako syempre. Naka-chat ko na naman si Mark Espiritu aka Maju kanina. 2 nights na kaming magka-chat at usapang thesis, cartooning at duty kami (buhay 4th yr indeed). Tapos kaloka pa mga hirit nya.

"Lhea, pa-share naman yung picture (fashion show) sabi ni (James) Soteco"
"Lhea, gawan mo raw si Soteco ng medical certificate"

Haha, napakabuting kaibigan indeed. Haha, at may pagsambit sa pangalan ni Soteco. (Note: Crush ko kasi yung barkada nilang si James Soteco, though akala ng mga taga-Advo eh si Mark ang crush ko. HAHAHA Example ng maling akala: Armen)

Shinare ko naman yung photo, tsaka mas nauna akong nagshare kesa dun sa message ni mark. then yung sa medCert naman, sabi ko "sana sinabi mo agad! may RX pad sana kanina eh! :P). Since di naman ako pwedeng mag falsify, inendorse ko na lang yung Recto. HAHAHA.

Nakakainis, galing akong duty sa Oct 3. Di bale, uuwi ako't maliligo ulit  para di ako bad hair day na manunuod. Malay natin andun si James! :P Pero pupunta talaga ako dun para sa mga friends ko (Pat, Yon, Rits, Mark, Anjo). tsaka di rin ako nakapanuod last year kaya babawi ako ngayon!