(The last time I wrote an open letter here was really really bad. That person happened to read it after a year. Hahaha.)
Hello there buddy!
Sorry if I wasn't able to talk to you last week, I actually don't have any words to say to you. You might think that I might be angry or what, but don't worry, I don't have any problems. I don't want to force myself to talk to you even I don't have anything to say, because yeah, I do suck in lame conversations. I know you really know that.
Another thing is, I wasn't even able to lay my eyes on you, even for a short while. I don't have any explanations for that.
Well, I just wrote this in case you happened to visit my blog. I don't have any other intentions for writing this. I wish you all the best. You'll find it weird that I just wrote this short, but this is just what I have to say, for now. I hope that this will be the last time I'll write about you. Bye!
-Partner
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Realizations in a rainy day
~Last night, I witnessed some facets of former friendships. It's quite hard to explain but this just only involves four persons, yet you will be able to see a lot of sides by just knowing the story of those two former inseparable buddies. This entry would definitely end up like a novel if I'd write their POVs here. Haha.
Realization 1: "Iba pala pag napagod ka ng magtanong ng 'Ano ba talaga?'"
Realization 2: So close yet so far
Realization 3: Avoidant personality disorder.
Like I've said before, I won't explain much (basta!) in sorts like this. I never imagined that time flies just like that. It feels just yesterday when you've seen them hanging out like BFFs but now seemed like he's just someone whom she/he only knows, by name.
Is it that hard to mutter a single word? Even a single syllable word like "Hi" or "Hello?" Does even saying that hurts your pride? Or just your silence is the only way for you to cover up your "weak side?" Is taking the initiative to eats you up as a person? Wow, ang arte mo po --I would easily say that, even to myself. But I understand that people has their own personal reasons for their actions.
Distance can be measured from millimeter to kilometer, even miles and light years. But I think, the real measure of distance isn't by the use of those metric systems, but it's the absence of connection, or communication. Yes, you might be sitting right to each other, but without connection or communication, that millimeter distance could turn to light year-like one.
I know communication is vital to every friendships, because it is the fuel that keeps up the flame of friendship between two people. But losing that "fuel" could make a big difference, even at a short time. For me, communication is important, but the real test of friendship isn't the one that is always updated with what's hot or what's not, but being the same old friend that kept his flame of friendship alive despite of the time (and challenges) that passed between the both of you (despite the absence of the fuel).
Lastly, acceptance is important. There will be times that you'll feel like you can't mend what's broken already. Yes, you'll give up and walk away. But wait, take time to understand why things went that way, ask yourself on what you've done already and if no avail, give up, but learn how to accept why those things happen. There must be a reason, always.
-----
I understand that my entry is quite difficult to comprehend. Sorry, sabog lang ako from duty :D
Friday, March 14, 2014
Training kemps #3
So our second week of post-grad training has just ended earlier and we'll be having our clinical duty this Monday. I'm excited but at the same time challenged because I need to act like a professional now, unlike my student nurse days that I still have to ask my clinical instructor about this and that. Phew! I can do this!
Monday
BLS didactics day. I already had my AHA BLS license last August that's why I wasn't enthusiastic enough to participate in our DOH BLS training. In the afternoon, I joined forces with Jam for our BLS practice. Gahd, I feel like my hands were beaten by paddles. I really compressed the dummy well and even did a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! I can't imagine if I had to do it in real life. Well, we do have bag-valve mask in the hospital, and I should bring a CPR face shield with me anytime (if ever there would be any emergencies).
I stayed up all night to review for BLS and edit for our group report.
Tuesday
BLS practicals day. Jam and I activated our GC-ness and reviewed together. We thought we did well in our adult BLS but we forgot some important actions that's why our grades wasn't that outstanding. I think I sticked with Jam the whole day. :D Even though my hand hurts, I still finished our group's ppt til 1pm.
Wednesday
Group report day. Haha, I dunno why I felt nervous before the report. XD
Thursday
LAAAAATE! I woke up at 7:30 am and our retdem was at 8am! I had to rush to LCP without even taking a bath. HAHAHA. I arrived there at 8:29 and they wasn't even starting yet so I still had time to review. I was not in my usual self because I feel toxic with what we've done in the past few days. I did quite good in CTT, okay in suctioning and in ET care, but worse in Tracheostomy care. I'll do better in our actual duty, promise.
We were dismissed early so I still had time to meet with Cindy :) Again, I stayed up late again because of Jam (Viber-mates) and Allegiant (Tris died. KFLY.)
Friday
Last day!!! We had our post test and I luckily got a decent grade. I was just a point higher than my seatmates. Before our class started, Jam and I were talking about Irish and Mica. I feel like they're acting strange recently, well especially when I don't go with them (including Dean and Cyruz). Well honestly, I have my own choice whether to join you or not. Acting like owning someone in your group is really childish. I'm an independent person and I could hang out with anyone. I open myself to a lot of friendship possibilities. Then, I also feel that the four of them were much tighter now compared the past week I'm with them. I'm not the kind of person to just ride or force to include myself in a tight group of friends. I can go on my own, and I already proved that to myself. I don't need friends to survive (in our training), all I need is myself. I don't need to justify myself to them because we're not kids anymore, they just have to accept that sometimes I get to join them, and sometimes with other groups :) Another one, I was soooo irritated with my right seatmate. (Oh yeah, my weird seatmate with a sinister gaze and smile.) Since elementary to college, I don't want anyone to lay an arm or an elbow in my arm rest (or armchair) since they're depriving me some space to write and I don't want to rub elbows with anyone. If you need proof, go ask Iraki or JA. I moved my chair a lot of times and he still chased for my armrest. Gaaaah, I was already losing my patience earlier that I already cursed in Twitter. I really wanted to punch him in the face.
In the afternoon, we had our tour in the hospital and then we had our Fluids and Electrolytes update. Haha, I was able to answer about Trosseau sign! Yay!
----
Well that's all! I can't think any parting sentence for this entry. Kbye
Monday
BLS didactics day. I already had my AHA BLS license last August that's why I wasn't enthusiastic enough to participate in our DOH BLS training. In the afternoon, I joined forces with Jam for our BLS practice. Gahd, I feel like my hands were beaten by paddles. I really compressed the dummy well and even did a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! I can't imagine if I had to do it in real life. Well, we do have bag-valve mask in the hospital, and I should bring a CPR face shield with me anytime (if ever there would be any emergencies).
I stayed up all night to review for BLS and edit for our group report.
Tuesday
BLS practicals day. Jam and I activated our GC-ness and reviewed together. We thought we did well in our adult BLS but we forgot some important actions that's why our grades wasn't that outstanding. I think I sticked with Jam the whole day. :D Even though my hand hurts, I still finished our group's ppt til 1pm.
Wednesday
Group report day. Haha, I dunno why I felt nervous before the report. XD
Thursday
LAAAAATE! I woke up at 7:30 am and our retdem was at 8am! I had to rush to LCP without even taking a bath. HAHAHA. I arrived there at 8:29 and they wasn't even starting yet so I still had time to review. I was not in my usual self because I feel toxic with what we've done in the past few days. I did quite good in CTT, okay in suctioning and in ET care, but worse in Tracheostomy care. I'll do better in our actual duty, promise.
We were dismissed early so I still had time to meet with Cindy :) Again, I stayed up late again because of Jam (Viber-mates) and Allegiant (Tris died. KFLY.)
Friday
Last day!!! We had our post test and I luckily got a decent grade. I was just a point higher than my seatmates. Before our class started, Jam and I were talking about Irish and Mica. I feel like they're acting strange recently, well especially when I don't go with them (including Dean and Cyruz). Well honestly, I have my own choice whether to join you or not. Acting like owning someone in your group is really childish. I'm an independent person and I could hang out with anyone. I open myself to a lot of friendship possibilities. Then, I also feel that the four of them were much tighter now compared the past week I'm with them. I'm not the kind of person to just ride or force to include myself in a tight group of friends. I can go on my own, and I already proved that to myself. I don't need friends to survive (in our training), all I need is myself. I don't need to justify myself to them because we're not kids anymore, they just have to accept that sometimes I get to join them, and sometimes with other groups :) Another one, I was soooo irritated with my right seatmate. (Oh yeah, my weird seatmate with a sinister gaze and smile.) Since elementary to college, I don't want anyone to lay an arm or an elbow in my arm rest (or armchair) since they're depriving me some space to write and I don't want to rub elbows with anyone. If you need proof, go ask Iraki or JA. I moved my chair a lot of times and he still chased for my armrest. Gaaaah, I was already losing my patience earlier that I already cursed in Twitter. I really wanted to punch him in the face.
In the afternoon, we had our tour in the hospital and then we had our Fluids and Electrolytes update. Haha, I was able to answer about Trosseau sign! Yay!
----
Well that's all! I can't think any parting sentence for this entry. Kbye
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Training kemps #2
I just finished doing our group report. Gaaah, my hands are tired since this morning because of our BLS return demo, and then when I arrived at home I immediately typed our report.
I'm quite disappointed with my BLS. I think I suck in it. HAHAHA. I went "bobey" during my AHA BLS (but I think its worse) and I almost failed the exam. Though I felt disappointed, it was my groupmate Jam who made me happy today. She's from FEU-NRMF and we're partners for BLS since yesterday. We're the GC kids of our class. Haha. Any, I felt like I'm distancing myself from my 4 friends. I know I'm weird but I feel comfortable with silent or loner type of people and I can't keep up with the topics of my 4 friends. Well, I really can't explain now since I feel sleepy already. I just blogged just to update the world wide web on what's happening in my life. Well, it's also some sort of documentation, you know :)
I feel 'toxic" with our RetDem for Respi skills. Gaaaaah.
K. Good night!
I'm quite disappointed with my BLS. I think I suck in it. HAHAHA. I went "bobey" during my AHA BLS (but I think its worse) and I almost failed the exam. Though I felt disappointed, it was my groupmate Jam who made me happy today. She's from FEU-NRMF and we're partners for BLS since yesterday. We're the GC kids of our class. Haha. Any, I felt like I'm distancing myself from my 4 friends. I know I'm weird but I feel comfortable with silent or loner type of people and I can't keep up with the topics of my 4 friends. Well, I really can't explain now since I feel sleepy already. I just blogged just to update the world wide web on what's happening in my life. Well, it's also some sort of documentation, you know :)
I feel 'toxic" with our RetDem for Respi skills. Gaaaaah.
K. Good night!
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Training kemps #1
So today would be my fifth day in our post-grad training and I'm really really happy that I would get to sleep for longer hours. Well not so fast Lhea, you have to accompany your cousin this Saturday and Sunday. </////3 Good luck to my health. LOLJK
Honestly, I always feel sleepy during classes and shiver because of their "turbo" aircon. Then, I always feel shy to recite or react to our lecturers because I feel like I've forgotten what I've learned in college. Good thing I'm doing well in our exams.
I also found new friends in our class. Obviously, my first friend would be my seatmate, and was the first one to say hello. My friends would find it weird that I don't took the first step to get to know my seatmate. Good thing he's...fine. Haha, he was makulit (he would wake me up whenever I'm sleepy, or percuss my back like what's done in our respi assessment), and madaldal (he would also talk to me at the middle of our lecture and I can't concentrate!). Sometimes we would share candies and biscuits too. And it makes me miss my long-time seatmate JA. Any, I do have some girl friends who were my groupmates, they are Irish and Mika (and also Cyril from another group), then Cyruz (another groupmate).
This afternoon, we craved for fishball and found nothing near the hospital so we decided to look for food at QC circle. Haha, we obviously failed. So Mika suggested that we should try food tripping in Morayta and look for trodats (the stamp that we'll be using in our duty). We ended up eating fishball, siomai and had a milk tea bonding at Frappeetea. Then we also decided to visit Mang Larry's next week after lecture (if we'll be dismissed early since we always end up at 5:30).
I may be not as friendly as I am before, but I think I should keep much tighter friendship with my groupmates since I'll be with them in the coming months. :)
Hay, I need to sleep now since I need to wake up at 5am then leave at 7am. Gahd, waking up in the morning is always a struggle. My body clock is much ready for our shifting, especially graveyard. Hohoho. :)
Honestly, I always feel sleepy during classes and shiver because of their "turbo" aircon. Then, I always feel shy to recite or react to our lecturers because I feel like I've forgotten what I've learned in college. Good thing I'm doing well in our exams.
I also found new friends in our class. Obviously, my first friend would be my seatmate, and was the first one to say hello. My friends would find it weird that I don't took the first step to get to know my seatmate. Good thing he's...fine. Haha, he was makulit (he would wake me up whenever I'm sleepy, or percuss my back like what's done in our respi assessment), and madaldal (he would also talk to me at the middle of our lecture and I can't concentrate!). Sometimes we would share candies and biscuits too. And it makes me miss my long-time seatmate JA. Any, I do have some girl friends who were my groupmates, they are Irish and Mika (and also Cyril from another group), then Cyruz (another groupmate).
This afternoon, we craved for fishball and found nothing near the hospital so we decided to look for food at QC circle. Haha, we obviously failed. So Mika suggested that we should try food tripping in Morayta and look for trodats (the stamp that we'll be using in our duty). We ended up eating fishball, siomai and had a milk tea bonding at Frappeetea. Then we also decided to visit Mang Larry's next week after lecture (if we'll be dismissed early since we always end up at 5:30).
I may be not as friendly as I am before, but I think I should keep much tighter friendship with my groupmates since I'll be with them in the coming months. :)
Hay, I need to sleep now since I need to wake up at 5am then leave at 7am. Gahd, waking up in the morning is always a struggle. My body clock is much ready for our shifting, especially graveyard. Hohoho. :)
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