To my BRAVE self

http://www.candymag.com/all-access/here-s-to-all-the-girls-who-had-the-courage-to-say-how-they-really-feel-a201-20170220

This article brought me back to that day that I confessed to my guy friend. It wasn't "love" that I confessed but rather my "liking" for him and for being true to myself. Bruh, it wasn't easy. My confession took a lot of time of thinking when to confess, how, where, and if he already knows that I like him or not. It wasn't peer pressure, but letting off some emotional pressure on myself before I embark to a journey towards my dream. I humbly received the rejection and I'm happy that I got my message clear accross.

Looking back, I did regretted a bit and thought of what ifs. But now, I dont regret my choice and the confession I made is considered as my personal badge for being BRAVE. Even if I confessed or not, we will surely grow apart due to time and space (location?) but the friendship and the times spent with each other will always be a valuable part of our lives.

I'm happy that I made a bold move at a young age but mature enough to let that season pass me by. A month to go and it's already been four years since I've done it. Ah, the good times, I guess :)

NBSB talks :)

Last night, I was with Dairen, Beatty and Don. Yeah, the so-called NBSB bonding. I really enjoy the company of my fellow NBSB since they usually share their not-so-good experiences with their keme. And as the one who's next in line (ahem, soon to be alum), they also see themselves in me. HAHA. Mega relate?

When it comes to Beatty and Dairen, they have a contrasting personalities. Beatty: fierce artist. Dairen: soft-spoken writer. Beatty always tell me to do like this and like that. Something different. Nuff said. While Dairen will just give you some advices that is different from Beatty. Basta, ganun yun!

Since I got to bond with Beatty once every week, last night was the time to share some of my "keme stories" with Dairen. She knows who's the person concerned. Ayun, I learned a lot from her past experiences. Of course relate ako kasi nga NBSB kami. But Im happy that I got to listen from their stories. Sabi nga ni Dairen "I dont want you to learn the hard way". :3

Tapos ako naman, andami kong kwento kay Sib Dairen about kay JH. Well, iba naman din kasi talaga kami nina Sib and her keme. Tropang-tropa lang talaga kami ni Ji Hoo. Kaya may malisya kasi gusto ko sya, and madalas kami magkasama (pero pag kami ni Don magkasama, super waley! HAHA). Sabi nga ni Sib "kaya kayo laging magkasama or nagkkwento sya kasi comfortable na sya sayo" (which I think is soo true). Yes, we talk about our past kemes and related stuffs, pero kwentuhang just for fun and entertainment lang. Ako lang kasi talaga may hanash magkwento haluan mo pa ng nursing brutality and jargons ko :)

JH: Hoping ka pa ba?
Me; Noooo. Paki-stab to death nga yung bwisit na yun sa Tuesday!

Another quotable quote from Dairen. "Sabi ko kay June Ace, ieeenjoy ko na lang to kasi graduating na ako. kaso ayun..."

HAHAHA. Since malapit na ako sa finish line, i was thinking kung sasabihin ko ba kay JH na bet ko sya o hindi? Well, sabi nung ibang friends ko, alam na raw nya (feel lang nila). Eh baka kasi mas tumagilid pa pag nagsalita ako. I'll just let destiny do its magic. tsaka ayoko paka-stress, ineenjoy ko na lang tong last sem ko :) Gusto kong gawing memorable to :)

@Sib: Thanks sa pagpapatuloy sakin. Sorry di kita pinatulog sa sobrang daldal mo. Feeling ko talaga eh mababawasan na ang circle natin, marami ng nagmamahal. HAHAHA. Last man standing kaya ako sating lahat? Wag naman! :))

Final 1st semester

Sabihin ko man na kalmado, positive and chill ako these past few days, pero tonight, kinakabahan na ako para bukas.

Lemme assess 1st semester

• Busy sa research. Trust me, di kami makaka-1.25 kung di namin pinaghirapan yun. We failed 4 times and yet tumayo kami more than 5 times.
• Skipped NOL sessions. Bagong balita ba yan?
• Skipped NCI-NCA classes. Ang alam ko, once lang ako nawala sa NCA, pero 3 or 4 times ata sa NCI.
• Better grades in NCM concepts 2 and 4. Yes, di na sya palakol o buntis gaya nung 1st sem last year.
• A lot more sensitive because of Elective. Oh yeaah! Yan ang subject na lagi akong pinapaiyak.
• Ngarag sa duty lalo na sa NRMF. Swear, basag bungo ko sa medicine computation.
• Coverage. As usual, pasok na pasok sa sked ko. HAHA. Kaso ngarag ako kasi laging article ko ang nattsambang hinihintay para maiprint na ang dyaryo. After game, pasa agad.
• Lumuluwag na turnilyo sa RLE. HAHAHA. Isa pa yan eh! Nagkaroon ako ng "slump" keme.
• Late na pagdating ni LOVELIFE (edit:CRUSHLIFE!). Ngayong sem lang na to ako nawalan ng lovelife. 1st year 1st sem: Zeke. 2nd year 1st sem: TR. 3rd year 1st sem: Joshua. 4th year 1st sem: ???.. Well, pwede na ring si (deleted 2017) bilang madalas kaming magkasama ulit. HAHAHA. Joke lang. Pero si Joshua talaga eh. Pasulpot-sulpot sya. Pero dumarating sya sa panahong down ako tapos pag nagkausap kami, biglang shoot up ang grades/quizzes/exams ko gaya ng hina-highblood na tao! Yun pala yun eh. Kaso late na talaga sya bumalik ng medyo matagal. Ayun lang.

What went wrong?

• Yung paasa na grade sa Elective. grabe, may CI akong napa-comment bigla ah. Kasi si Mam ambaba magbigay ng grade tapos wala naman kaming inaatupag kundi lecture. mas mabuti pang nagssharing kami lagi.
• Yung NCA and NCI na di ko deserve. SRSLY? mas mataas pa sakin yung di pumapasok?
• NCM. Nakita ko 2 concept grades ko, pasok pa sa 2.25 yun. BAKIT 2.75 lang? parang di ako nag-aral ng matino ah!
• THESIS: masyadong nagfocus? pati ibang obligasyon nawala?
• 14 units. IKAKAMATAY KO TO!

Honestly, naiinggit ako sa mga nakakakuha ng line of 1 na GWA. Pero iba naman kaso ko sa kanila eh. NURSING ako. 14 UNITS ang subject ko. Anlaking difference diba? 

Gaya nga ng sabi ni Ate Chin. THINK POSITIVE! :)

Of disappointments

Last week seemed to be the most disappointing week of my life. Thing didn't go well especially in my academics. Yes, I got zero on my Medical Calculation practical quiz, and got 50 on the other one. I'm afraid that I might have a Revalida before the end of the sem.

What went wrong?

Well actually, I chose to sleep rather than to review. I prioritized my physiological need rather than the other one. I took things too lightly, maybe because I think it's easy. I don't usually fail in our skills lab, which seems to be my forte even before (exclude Health Assessment here). I think, maybe because of the type of practical exam why I failed. Well, I think so. I just need to bounce back next week. I dont wanna be late again or to have a failing grade. I will do my best this time. Swear!

I will also study my lessons on NCA, I will not take it for granted again. I'll prioritize my obligations well.
----

Come Friday, everything's changed. I was really enthusiasted in our new concept in NCM which is Communicable Disease. Our professor described herself as a terror teacher, but I dont see her like that. Maybe she just wanted us to do our best and study more in her concept. She did asked a lot of questions during the start of classes, and me being the "best in recitation" kid (hahaha, no doubt!), I always raise my hand and answer her. She gets irritated when everytime she throws new questions, and no one raises their hands, except mine. :)

HAHA. I hope I'll have good grades in her concept :D

---
And yes, I missed blogging here!

Use the word SANA in a sentence

These past few days, puro guys ang mga nakakasama ko, either sa school or sa bahay. Since nasa apartment sina Tito, Kuya Jay and Kuya Jade (Kuya Jay's classmate), sila ang nakakausap ko ng madalas.

Any, lagi naming napagkkwentuhan nina Kuya yung mga tipo namin. And honestly, parehong gusto nila ang mga mahihinhin, sweet at yung ka-opposite ko. HAHA. Sad but true. Tinatanong ko sila kung bakit ganun ang gusto nila (well, mahihiya pa ba ako sa kanila?), kahit sila di nila maexplain.

Yes, di ako malambing, sweet, tahimik, simple, and kung ano pa man. Feeling ko tuloy, "friend" material lang talaga ako. The forever friend, sister, adviser, ate, etc. Naisip ko, "hey! wala ba talagang nagkakagusto sakin kahit minsan?". Sorry, naiisip ko talaga yan. Do I sound desperada na ba? Di naman sa ganun. Di naman ako nagmamadali eh. The thought of being unattractive yung pumapasok sa utak ko. Parang ganun, yet I dont feel insecured sa ibang tao dahil naniniwala akong may kanya-kanya kaming ugali.

I have this friend na ka-age ko lang na laging nag-gGM. And nabanggit niya sa GM niya kanina na "Wala ng babaeng sweet, mabait, at paggising sa umaga ako agad ang itetext". Napagtanto ko na, eksaktong hindi talaga ako yun, di ko ugali yun. Kahit nung mga kapanahunan ni Joshua, super bihira ko syang tinetext ng good morning, at di rin ako sweet, minsan bini-bitch ko rin sya. Di pala talaga ako isang ideal girl material indeed.

May mga rants din akong naririnig mula sa mga guys pag pinag-uusapan nila ang mga babae. Sabi nung friend ko na I consider as a younger brother, parang di raw naapreciate ng mga babae yung mga efforts nila. Kahit ako di ko maeexplain yun. HAHA, speechless na ako dun.

So parang... ewan, basta ang gulo! Sabi nga nila, dapat daw eh maging sweet na raw ako mula ngayon. Ek? Di bagay sakin maging sweet! I have this tough girl-slash-jologs-kenkoy-sophisticated-strict looks and attitude. So it really doesn't match. Di rin ako mahinhin, kasi di bagay sa isang nurse maging mahinhin. HELLO! Emergency case, MAHINHIN pa ako? Eh sa buong nursing life ko puro TOXIC pasyente ko and I dont have time to practice those mahinhin walks and practices, chos. At ang pinaka, DI AKO TAHIMIK. Pinanganak akong madaldal and no one could ever change me to be tahimik.

In short, wala talaga, I dont really suit to a normal guy. Pero sana naman eh may kumaya sa personality ko. May nakapagsabi sakin dati (i forgot already) na "You have that strong personality na mismong mga lalaki eh maiintimidate sayo. They see you as an established person already. They cant beat or even match you kasi para ka ng great wall of china sa pagiging matatag". In a serious tone, am I that INTIMIDATING? Accomodating naman ako ah. I have few guy friends ngayong college and most of them are from Advo. Sa klase naman, yung mga groupmates ko lang but be weren't that close that I even tell them the whole story, yung mga bagay lang which concerns within the group or in our course lang.


--Narecover ko lang to sa drafts ko. Nung april pa ata to eh :D

There's much in goodbye

Eh nagda-drama? 


HAHA, sorry naman ah. Pansin ko kasi, unti-unti ng nawawala yung mga crush ko. Kung hindi nagpapakita, umaalis na, o di kaya mabalitaan ko na lang may jowa na. And yes, my "kuya" was right when he told me that my JH seems to be inlove recently, and confirmed, he's now in a relationship.

Kanina naman, I saw my crush (another crush, the cosplayer) with my batchmate and former colleague. I told my friend that I rarely see him in our place, and he replied that my crush quitted already.

Bakit ganun? Lahat na lang eh nawawala. Pati si Ricky, di ko na rin madalas makita though nakasama ko rin sila nina HZL and 5 sa ibat-ibang assignments. Am I really destined to be FOREVER ALONE?

I was all alone last Sunday in Gateway Cubao. To kill my boredom, I played basketball and took pictures of me in a photobooth. Yan ang SINGLE< independent! Wait, ikamamatay ko ba kung di ko na makikita yung mga crush ko? Hey! I survived 4 months na di ko nakikita si TR ah! HAHA. And I will really miss my bud since he's always with me whenever I was assigned to cover games. Iba pa rin ang single sa may kempet na.


Affected ba talaga ako o atat lang sa buhay. I dont see myself in a relationship for the next 2 years. I also consider to take NMAT next year and if God permits, enter a Med school and pursue my dream to be a pediatric-cardiologist. Mahirap magka-jowa sa med school ah! :DD


Im happy for my partner-in-cover's new life, we'll maybe I should look for something that will tickle my mind (tama ba?). For now, I should do well in our NCA and Nursing Research. I fear that I will get failing grades and yet fell short in 2.5 GWA. And as Ate Chin reminds me always, THINK POSITIVE. You'll attract the positive vibes and might pass subjects because of my optimistic character and mind :)


--back to my T&F bebe article :D

Nothingness

Bago ako magstart sa storytelling ko, gusto kong pasalamatan sina Cindy, Dairen at Ate Clar sa pagmention ng name ko. Naks, feeling star ako :))

Since feeling ko eh walang kwenta araw ko dahil natulog lang talaga ako the WHOLE day, as in literal, magkukwento na lang ako about nung kahapon.

7am yung klase ko for Nursing Research kahapon, as in nagising ako ng maaga and ambilis kong kumain, 10 mins lang, pero 30 minutes talaga yung maximun eating time ko. Then dumating ako sa FEU ng 10 minutes before time. Kaso halos ma-bano na kami sa kahihintay ng Prof namin, ayun, 8am na siya nakarating. Feeling ko naman kase eh 7:30 pa rin talaga klase namin. Okey siya na prof kase nakakatuwa naman in a way, pero kung tamad na estudyante ka, siguradong aantukin ka. Mga 9:30, tinanong niya kami kung gusto namin ng break, eh syempre, OO naman kami dyan. Yung iba, di pa nagbe-breakfast, at yung iba, inaantok at antukin lang talaga gaya ko. So natulog naman ako, eh sa masarap matulog eh. Kaso nagising ako bigla nung minention ni Mam yung name ko.

Prof: Ms. Bagona, they told me that you're always sedated. Why? (Smiling)

Me: Umm, Mam, it's a part of growing up, you know? (laughing)

 Prof: (Laughs)

Haha, so ayun nga, balik tulog na 'ko. And nagising na lang nung nagresume na ang klase. Ewan ko lang kung bakit nawala yung ballpen ko. The last time na naalala ko eh hawak ko yun tapos nawala., Baka nahulog o tinago lang ng mga classmates ko. May pinag-usapan kami sa about sa characteristics of a good nurse researcher, and inadd ni mam na dapat eh good writer din daw dapat. Pano ka naman makaagawa ng research mo kung di ka marunong magsulat. At habang sinasabi yun ni Maam, asa akin ang tingin ng mga classmates ko sabay tapik-tapik ng mga groupmates ko na tuwang-tuwa dahil sa tingin nila eh they're in good hands. Eh? Sports po ang sinusulat ko? Di naman thesis ginagawa namin sa Advo ah? Haha, di naman lahat ng writer eh magaling pagdating sa mga ganyan-ganyan eh. Good luck na lang talaga sakin at sa grupo namin.

After class, kami naman ni Ana ang nag-bonding sa Library :)) Syempre gumawa kami ng assignmen namin sa NCM. After nun, kumain kami sa NRH at nagshare sa binili kong chocolate cake. Ayun, kwentuhan din. Matagal-tagal na rin kaming di kumakain ng sabay bilang lagi akong nasa office. Parang dun ko lang na-realize na sa duty na lang talaga kami nagkaka-bonding ng mga groupmates ko. Never pa akong nakakapag-lakwatsa kasama ng  mga college classmates ko. Medyo nagtatampo sila pero nasanay na rin. Di ko sila nakakasama after classes kase lumalayas agad ako papuntang office. Di naman sa di ko sila trip kasama, minsan kase di ko mahanap sa kanila yung sense of belongingness ko, may times din na parang ako na lang lagi nakikita, bawat galaw ko eh pagtatawanan and bibigyan ng kulay. Basta, hirap iexplain. Yeah, masasabi kong iba sila compared sa Advo. Matured na yung mga tao dun unlike sa ibang classmates ko na parang newborn lang. Sabi nga nung isang classmate ko, para raw kaming di tumatanda. Andaming immature mag-isip at walang kaseryosohan sa buhay, lahat na lang pinapansin at pinakikialaman. Yeah, very true yung sinabi niyang yun. Nainis din ako nung 1st day namin kase pumasok ako sa klase nun without saying a word. Una, medyo sawa na ako sa section ko, kami kami na naman kase ulit. Pangalawa, wala akong magagawa kung 309 pa rin ako, di naman ako mareklamo sa part na yun, "okey" lang naman kase maririnig mo sakin lagi.

Ayun, Nursing Research RLE na. Pinag-usapan lang namin yung research proposal namin. Yeah, grupo na namin yung may pinakamaraming proposal yet nagawa na pala ng iba. Err. May isa kami na medyo plano na naming ituloy kaso kelangan pang ulitin :) Nakakastress ah! Sabi nga ni Maam Buenafe (nga pala, prof namin. Di ko nabanggit yung name kanina), "Di kayo naiistress? thinking na 3 weeks na lang ang working niyo?". Ayokong masyadong magpaka-stress, since di na ako leader. Kung ano ipapagawa sakin nung leader ko, gagawin ko, gaya ng editor ko, magpapasa ako on time, syempre gusto kong maganda ang grade namin. :) After class ulit, same scenario, tatakas na at diretso office.

Since wala akong magawa and hinihintay ko si Nanay Lora, nag-twitter muna ako sa phone ko, pampalipas oras. Then kulitan with other staffers and nakikiusyoso naman ako sa ID namin. mga lampas 6pm na dumating si Nanay and sabi niya labas daw kaming tatlo ni Mish at magpapakwento siya.

Since nanay ko siya (kung taga-Advo ka, alam mo na ang keme ng family per section. Editor: mother/father.) syempre eh aalamin niya yung mga hanash sa buhay ko. Anyways, fina-follow pala ako ni nanay dito. HELLO to my MOM! Una niyang tinanong ay yung nasa blogpost ko na COKE ZERO. Haha, promise, controversial talaga post ko na yun sa office. WAIT lang mga FANS, ireREVEAL ko rin sila sa TAKDANG PANAHON, with PICTURES pa! :)) So ayun, medyo may mga hinala na rin siya kung sino mga kemps ko, kaso ang hirap i-trace nung mga panahong magkakasama pa kami kung sino talaga, since wala naman akong super close na guy dun, maliban lang kay Tito Ace and kay Jansene (photos). Gulat lang siya ng konti nung ni-reveal ko, lalo na si number four bilang umm, technically, relatives kami (not relatives by blood ah!). Tapos inispill pa ni Nanay na naging loveteam keme (lokohang loveteam) niya si Ji Hoo nun dahil lagi din daw silang magkasama (siguro, namana ko yun kay Nanay.) noon and karibal keme din niya yung ka-section ni Ji Hoo na katukayo ko pa (katukayo in initials. haha, ambenta ng letter L!). :) nakwento ko na rin sa kanya yung about kay Joshua. Akala niya (o baka akala ko lang. ewan ah, may konti kase akong dementia.LOL) eh kasama sa mga kemps ko si TR. Ay jusko, magiging kami nun kung nagsanib pwersa yung mga itinatago naming kalandian :P Oh well, nung natapos na kami sa lovelife portion, sa mga hinanakit ko na naman kami dumako. Yeah, hinanakit. Umm, pwedeng ibang word na lang kase ambigat nung hinanakit. Pwede na ring observances diba? Ayun. :)


Sayang lang at hindi ako nakasama sa mini-date, but next time, I will :) Namiss ko yung mga post-game analysis namin with SPEATS, Nanay, Ate Reich, Ate Khre, Ate Criz, Ate Junie, Tita Anna. Di bale, may volleyball and Season 75 pa! :)