Mild anxiety

Sabi nga ni Mark Dagli (my former classmate), okey lang magka-mild anxiety dahil healthy ito sa panahon ngayon. Well actually, parang gusto ko pa pindutin ang panic button dahil 21 days na lang at NLE na. Honestly, hindi pa ako ganun ka-ready sa NLE. I know my reviewers are all good and I learned a lot from them, but iba pa rin pag ikaw na mismo sa sarili mo. These past few days, my anxiety was pretty relieved when I visited Nanay's grave. It was nice to share my thoughts and feelings to her kahit na nakikita naman nya ako at nababasa nya kung ano naiisip ko. 

I wanna scold myself again for skipping my class earlier. Di ko kinaya magising dahil antok na antok ako sa kaka-self review. Siguro ganun talaga, sa lahat ng ginagawa mo, may mga bagay kang kelangang sina-sacrifice. Even though di ako pumasok, I still made my day a productive one. Yeah, productive dahil nagreview naman ako mag-isa. I reviewed some of my MedSurg concepts and answered some sample questions. Now, I just finished anwering a pre-board preparation exam and unluckily, I failed. I know that disappointments will come my way to tear me down, but no, I won't let it ruin my dream! I still have few more days to go to study and make things "perfect." As far as I observed, di naman ako totally bobey sa ilang questions eh, medyo nagkakamali lang ako dahil sa clinical judgments ko. Yes, we need to stick and follow a certain judgment para maging tama ang sagot namin. Di pwedeng eto-yung-gusto-ko judgment, dapat may clinical basis.

I really envy my classmates who have their study buddies. Iba pa rin kasi yung may kasama ka mag-review kasi may nakaka-share ka ng knowledge and insights. And I pity myself for being a loner dahil nagso-solo ako sa mga bagay na may makakasama naman ako. I admit that Im good when it comes to group review, ewan ko ba, napansin ko lang to nung 1st year college pero hindi ko na nagawa after nun. Any, going solo is really a struggle dahil nung una pa lang, di ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan yung mga bagay bagay. Chaos lang talaga. Last week, I asked my classmate na kung pwede kaming mag-review sa apartment nya since solo lang sya. She agreed pero nung huli, waley na. One reason why I wanted her to be my review buddy because her notes are all complete (and since I skipped a lot of our sessions, I badly need her copies). Hay, feeling ko lang tuloy parusa sakin to dahil andami kong absences. :( Last Wednesday, I asked another classmate of mine to get me some copies of MedSurg since I will be going somewhere and she agreed. Then yesterday, I asker her about those copies and told me that she forgot to get some extra copies for me. I really felt bad, parang wala na ata akong maaasahan. But then again, I blamed myself because it's still my fault anyway. Umasa ako sa isang tao na wala namang pakialam sa classmate nya. Sorry for this pero para sakin naging "selfish" sya in a way na parang wala man lang syang empathy, and kasalanan ko rin kasi iba yung inuna ko. Minsan talaga fail ako pagdating sa decision-making. 

Kahit na medyo may struggle ako sa review, there are still a lot of people who makes me feel loved and empowered. Thanks to my Advo family for cheering me up and for reminding me to "top the board exam." I know it's hard to reach and still impossible as of this moment, but who knows, miracle might just happen in June 2-3 :) Thank you to my ate-slash-classmate who scolds me whenever I skip classes, arrive late in our review, and tweet while taking the exams. Thank you ate for making me feel guilty when you scold me, feeling ko tuloy may nanay ako sa review ;)  Thank you also to a friend of mine na lagi akong pinagsasabihan na nag-cut ng class pag nahuhuli nya ako sa Twitter. Sorry pows. If you happen to read this, 2 days after mo mag-tweet, absent uli ako. Sorry for breaking my promise again.

Lastly, thank you Blogger for being there for me. Actually medyo nahihiya ako kasi naturingan akong writer pero pansin ko lang sa last post ko, sabog na sabog yung diwa ko. And I don't purely write in English. Pero sabi nga ni Dairen sa post nya dati, mas okey pag Filipino kasi mae-express mo talaga yung nararamdaman mo.

I still have a lot of time to review, no need to stress myself. I'll just enjoy answering those questions and nail the board exam. 21 days to go, at kelangan ko ng patunayan na si Future Nurse Lei, magiging Registered Nurse Lei :)