To my BRAVE self

http://www.candymag.com/all-access/here-s-to-all-the-girls-who-had-the-courage-to-say-how-they-really-feel-a201-20170220

This article brought me back to that day that I confessed to my guy friend. It wasn't "love" that I confessed but rather my "liking" for him and for being true to myself. Bruh, it wasn't easy. My confession took a lot of time of thinking when to confess, how, where, and if he already knows that I like him or not. It wasn't peer pressure, but letting off some emotional pressure on myself before I embark to a journey towards my dream. I humbly received the rejection and I'm happy that I got my message clear accross.

Looking back, I did regretted a bit and thought of what ifs. But now, I dont regret my choice and the confession I made is considered as my personal badge for being BRAVE. Even if I confessed or not, we will surely grow apart due to time and space (location?) but the friendship and the times spent with each other will always be a valuable part of our lives.

I'm happy that I made a bold move at a young age but mature enough to let that season pass me by. A month to go and it's already been four years since I've done it. Ah, the good times, I guess :)

Cheers!

It's been a while since I last posted here and to make this blog still alive, I just want to update y'all (may viewers pa ba ako?), I passed my NMC-Computer Based Test!!!! It's still one-third of the exams that I have to take this year (alongside OSCE and NCLEX) and one-half of my exams to be a UKRN (OSCE is the other one).

Honestly, I've been through a lot of mental and emotional rollercoaster before my exams so I'm really proud that I was able to pass it. Right now, I'm quite worried with my health status and I hope I'd gain weight in the coming months in preparation for my medical check up.

I wanted to post something about my NMC CBT experiences but I think it'll just be the same with Kweni Chronicles since I've read her blog a lot. Any, I might decide to post the entire NMC exams thing once I pass the OSCE since it's the harder one (practical exam).

I'm leaving my dorm next month once I'm finished with my papers and docs. I'm moving back to Puerto Princesa since I miss Lola and my chillax life. I do really hope that I'd gain weight by eating a lot and working out (Tito got a mini gym at home, so yeah).

:)

Late update

안녕!

Btw, I passed my IELTS exam last November 4 and I'm nor preparing for my NMC-CBT exam. Wish me luck!!!!

Worrying

 Honestly, I've always been so conflicted in my life that I can't even get used to it.

I want to work for the mean time so that I wont depend too much on papa, but I feel like I should just focus on my review since it was the reason why I left my work.

I want to stay here in my current dorm, but my contract will end this July. I'm planning to move with my former workmates but I think I will annoy them or I will be annoyed when I won't get to have my me time and choose to stay in my bed and sleep. 

1 month to go before my 4th and hopefully the super last IELTS exam. So help me God! I'm actually dying of worrying about my other exams like CBT and OSCE. Huhu

That's all. Kbye

Yeah, I finally knew

I think we all have our own struggles that we keep from other people. Not that we keep it as a form of a secret, but for the other person or people to be free from worrying about it. Just like our parents, sometimes we see them as normal individuals who work, cater our needs at home, and deal with the family problems and monthly bills. But what we don’t see is that they have their own struggles apart from the family’s. While we’re busy dealing with our own problems, they are also busy with theirs. And while we whine at them for not understanding us, we are actually the ones who don’t take time to understand them.

The reason why I made this entry is that I feel like a misunderstanding daughter all these time. All along, I thought I was great and I deal with things coolly, but it wasn’t really like that. I thought I understood my father, but I was wrong. With what I mentioned on the first paragraph, majority of it applies to me and my father. Yes, I had tons of worries and struggles and I tried to keep it away from him because I don’t want to be a burden and I’m quite shy to ask things from him. There are also times that I wanted to whine about how little my allowance was, and that he’s trying to starve me during my unemployment days. Well, I admit that I was totally wrong and good thing that my struggles while working in the province made me realize a lot of things that contributed to my so-called maturity.

I talked to my dad about me worrying about him and I asked him to share his worries to me since her daughter is all grown-up. I told him that he could count on me now and I’m willing to help him whatever I can. While things were getting serious, I started sharing my own worries when I was a kid that I haven’t said to him even before. Then, I offered some advices to him on his own problems and promised to help him more once my overseas employment (that I’m working on right now, and wishing that it’ll work out) pushes through. Then, I teared up when he mentioned something about Mama whom he was really in sync with, but left him just after four years of marriage. (Well, I value any words I could hear especially when it’s all about Mama. It feels good to get to know bits about my mom that I didn’t get to know personally.)

Honestly, I grew up viewing Papa as a weak person, well maybe because of his attitude and that I was not able to know him better as an individual. I was a bit rebellious in high school because I hated how dumb he is in his decisions before, and as the “intelligent” kid that I “was,” I tried to teach him a lesson so that he’ll learn from  it. Well, kinda regretted how disrespectful I was (good thing that was just a phase) and how I hurt his feeling, to think that he didn’t even got mad at me in return. He swallowed every words that I said and kept his own sadness. Thinking about it now pains me a lot too. I promised him that I would be a reliable daughter who will hug him whenever he feels sad, and will offer good advices too. My dad needs me more than he needs me so I have to strive hard at work.

This entry is quite disorganized, right? As usual J As much as possible, I want to post some of my life realizations and hospital adventures here but I’m quite lazy to post it here. I hope if any youngsters would read this, I hope they’ll get a lesson from it even though this post is so bitin. Haha. Anyeong!

TWM 012116

After getting my hair done, I decided to visit a coffee shop, stumbled upon a book, and left like my point of view in life changed 360 degrees.
The book I happened to browse in a beautiful tree-like shelf isn’t new to my eyes since my former dorm mate had the same book. I heard that it’s a good one, but I hadn’t gave too much attention about it since I’m into YA novels that feeds my hunger for lovelife. That tree-like bookshelf has a lot of familiar covers, I made up my mind picking up that Mitch Albom book.
If you already read the book I’m talking about, you know that it started with Mitch telling the last meeting he had with his former professor and “coach”, Morrie Schwartz. After reading few pages, I found my eyes brimming with tears. With my lower lid having a hard time keeping my tears, it finally gave up, and some of my tears ended up going on my nose, thus making me have cold-like tears. Everything Morrie says and Mitch shares, it struck me so hard since I can relate to it. I share the same questions and dilemmas with Mitch, and it’s quite timely that he welcomed back Morrie to his life.
Knowing that Morrie actually lived (at first I thought he’s just a fictional character) made me inspire him more. Who would’ve thought that a person like him is real. He’s like a perfect character without any flaws, aside from ALS, of course, plus he has a brilliant mind and strong mentality.
I haven’t finished the book yet, so I’m planning to buy a copy of the book (and other Mitch Albom works) and read it at home. I’ll write a part 2 after I read the book completely.

Gratefulness

Sometimes, if not most of the time, things that you aren’t expecting is definitely the best one.

Earlier, a woman came to ER to personally thank the nurses who took care of her kid. Her son came to ER with ongoing episode of seizure and has hydrocephalus. I cannot remember the feelings that I had during that time but I remember inserting him an IV with Mam Janett giving Diazepam. I was also the one who admitted him to the ward. Aside from having a patient like him with a special case, I just treated it like a usual night at work. But with that mother coming to us thanking personally, and telling how we made a good job taking care of him and even inserting an IV at one try (he didn’t had any reinsertions at the ward), that made me totally feel great and made me smile up to my ears.

 I wasn’t expecting anything but that gratefulness from her ignited me to work better. I was just doing my usual job, and for them, just my IV insertion to his kid is a big thing already since his IVs usually gets infiltrated or he easily gets hematoma after insertions. I just got lucky because his veins are good at that time.


The moment when the mother came in, our nurse supervisor (Mam Nic), my senior nurse (Mam Janett), and my co-nurses were all there and heard the good things that the mother said to me. I felt like I hit the jackpot even though I wasn’t promoted (if I got promoted, I will totally feel ambivalent. Seriously). Haha, good words are much better. Hihi

I guess, that was one of the beauty of working in a public hospital: having people with nothing appreciating every single deed you make. With this as a confirmation, I might be doing a good job and just continue what I’m doing. I hope this will always remind me to work well in the future.

Leggo Nurse Lei!!!!!