Yeah, I finally knew

I think we all have our own struggles that we keep from other people. Not that we keep it as a form of a secret, but for the other person or people to be free from worrying about it. Just like our parents, sometimes we see them as normal individuals who work, cater our needs at home, and deal with the family problems and monthly bills. But what we don’t see is that they have their own struggles apart from the family’s. While we’re busy dealing with our own problems, they are also busy with theirs. And while we whine at them for not understanding us, we are actually the ones who don’t take time to understand them.

The reason why I made this entry is that I feel like a misunderstanding daughter all these time. All along, I thought I was great and I deal with things coolly, but it wasn’t really like that. I thought I understood my father, but I was wrong. With what I mentioned on the first paragraph, majority of it applies to me and my father. Yes, I had tons of worries and struggles and I tried to keep it away from him because I don’t want to be a burden and I’m quite shy to ask things from him. There are also times that I wanted to whine about how little my allowance was, and that he’s trying to starve me during my unemployment days. Well, I admit that I was totally wrong and good thing that my struggles while working in the province made me realize a lot of things that contributed to my so-called maturity.

I talked to my dad about me worrying about him and I asked him to share his worries to me since her daughter is all grown-up. I told him that he could count on me now and I’m willing to help him whatever I can. While things were getting serious, I started sharing my own worries when I was a kid that I haven’t said to him even before. Then, I offered some advices to him on his own problems and promised to help him more once my overseas employment (that I’m working on right now, and wishing that it’ll work out) pushes through. Then, I teared up when he mentioned something about Mama whom he was really in sync with, but left him just after four years of marriage. (Well, I value any words I could hear especially when it’s all about Mama. It feels good to get to know bits about my mom that I didn’t get to know personally.)

Honestly, I grew up viewing Papa as a weak person, well maybe because of his attitude and that I was not able to know him better as an individual. I was a bit rebellious in high school because I hated how dumb he is in his decisions before, and as the “intelligent” kid that I “was,” I tried to teach him a lesson so that he’ll learn from  it. Well, kinda regretted how disrespectful I was (good thing that was just a phase) and how I hurt his feeling, to think that he didn’t even got mad at me in return. He swallowed every words that I said and kept his own sadness. Thinking about it now pains me a lot too. I promised him that I would be a reliable daughter who will hug him whenever he feels sad, and will offer good advices too. My dad needs me more than he needs me so I have to strive hard at work.

This entry is quite disorganized, right? As usual J As much as possible, I want to post some of my life realizations and hospital adventures here but I’m quite lazy to post it here. I hope if any youngsters would read this, I hope they’ll get a lesson from it even though this post is so bitin. Haha. Anyeong!

TWM 012116

After getting my hair done, I decided to visit a coffee shop, stumbled upon a book, and left like my point of view in life changed 360 degrees.
The book I happened to browse in a beautiful tree-like shelf isn’t new to my eyes since my former dorm mate had the same book. I heard that it’s a good one, but I hadn’t gave too much attention about it since I’m into YA novels that feeds my hunger for lovelife. That tree-like bookshelf has a lot of familiar covers, I made up my mind picking up that Mitch Albom book.
If you already read the book I’m talking about, you know that it started with Mitch telling the last meeting he had with his former professor and “coach”, Morrie Schwartz. After reading few pages, I found my eyes brimming with tears. With my lower lid having a hard time keeping my tears, it finally gave up, and some of my tears ended up going on my nose, thus making me have cold-like tears. Everything Morrie says and Mitch shares, it struck me so hard since I can relate to it. I share the same questions and dilemmas with Mitch, and it’s quite timely that he welcomed back Morrie to his life.
Knowing that Morrie actually lived (at first I thought he’s just a fictional character) made me inspire him more. Who would’ve thought that a person like him is real. He’s like a perfect character without any flaws, aside from ALS, of course, plus he has a brilliant mind and strong mentality.
I haven’t finished the book yet, so I’m planning to buy a copy of the book (and other Mitch Albom works) and read it at home. I’ll write a part 2 after I read the book completely.

Gratefulness

Sometimes, if not most of the time, things that you aren’t expecting is definitely the best one.

Earlier, a woman came to ER to personally thank the nurses who took care of her kid. Her son came to ER with ongoing episode of seizure and has hydrocephalus. I cannot remember the feelings that I had during that time but I remember inserting him an IV with Mam Janett giving Diazepam. I was also the one who admitted him to the ward. Aside from having a patient like him with a special case, I just treated it like a usual night at work. But with that mother coming to us thanking personally, and telling how we made a good job taking care of him and even inserting an IV at one try (he didn’t had any reinsertions at the ward), that made me totally feel great and made me smile up to my ears.

 I wasn’t expecting anything but that gratefulness from her ignited me to work better. I was just doing my usual job, and for them, just my IV insertion to his kid is a big thing already since his IVs usually gets infiltrated or he easily gets hematoma after insertions. I just got lucky because his veins are good at that time.


The moment when the mother came in, our nurse supervisor (Mam Nic), my senior nurse (Mam Janett), and my co-nurses were all there and heard the good things that the mother said to me. I felt like I hit the jackpot even though I wasn’t promoted (if I got promoted, I will totally feel ambivalent. Seriously). Haha, good words are much better. Hihi

I guess, that was one of the beauty of working in a public hospital: having people with nothing appreciating every single deed you make. With this as a confirmation, I might be doing a good job and just continue what I’m doing. I hope this will always remind me to work well in the future.

Leggo Nurse Lei!!!!!

Will. Drive. Motivation.

These days, I feel like dragging myself to work. I just want to be on my bed the entire day and sleep. When I'm at work, I can't wait for my 2 days off so that I could rest my heavily battered self.

Sometimes I feel so lazy about going to work. There are times that I regret taking up this profession. I could've chose a course that will make me work in an office, not in a hospital where every seconds matters. I should've chose to be an accountant just like my mom so that I'll be working in an office setting (but lola said that I won't even be an accountant in my dreams because I'm so bad in mathematics). I'm losing a bit of my drive because of the current work conditions that I'm experiencing. (I know that I'll have to deal much worse that what I'm experiencing right now.)

Personal drive, will, inspiration: That's what I'm lacking right now. Honestly speaking, that's where I gather my strength, but the absence of it makes me a weak. Well, I'm losing it right now as you predicted. I'm a person who gets motivation from my surrounding, but loses it when I have nothing to get out of it. I guess I'll get motivated or inspired again once I try to apply for work abroad. You must be saying that I should get my motivation to do well at work bu thinking about going abroad, well, it doesn't work that way.


Well, my thoughts is a mess right now. I can't pit this post into a complete conclusion. Bye

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Bad bad bad bad bad bad girl

Mommy had just called and after a long while, our conversation ended up on my controversial stained clothes and then spewing out some discontentment at home. So here, lemme just enumerate some bad traits I really can’t erase.

1. Sharp tongue

I guess I was really born with this unusual sharp tongue that I most likely had inherited from my mother, who was the queen of sharp tongue in our family. Honestly, I don’t throw out some sharp words to people face to face since I do worry if they get offended. But once I spill out my disappointments to other people, that’s when you get stabbed by my words especially when I say it in my dialect. Hahaha. As of now, I’m so disappointed in some of my relatives who doesn’t make logical judgment, and just go with the first thing that comes into their minds. Was it that hard to refrain for a while and think well? They’re also so sensitive that it irks me so much. Like what I have done could totally kill, when in fact that I know what I’m doing because I studied it for almost ¼ of my life. Ugh.

2. The girl who can’t be moved

Sorry, this isn’t a hugot thing really. I can’t remember whether I posted something about my stained clothes that was my total favorite, and then the same thing happened when a top of mine got stained after the first time I wore it. Well, it been months since those things happened and I can’t seem to move on. I treasure my clothes so much since I don’t usually buy new ones that often. Mommy told me that I should let go of the little things. I easily let go other things except from those clothes I loved. Idk, am I that possessive or what? I hope I’d let go of it but I’m pretty sure the road that I have to take isn’t that easy.

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Let's just say that I'm losing a lot of weight during my stay in the ER but the experience is amazing except the fact that you can't escape problems that comes with your work. I can't really enumerate the problems that I've encountered, but some of them really left a mark and almost made my heart explode and provoke seizure.

There was a time that I answered a referral phone and I failed to hand it over to our ROD, and since then I vowed not to lift that damn phone again since it almost got me into trouble. Hahaha, we had a truckload of referrals that day and the ER was so jam-packed that CO2 is all that we're breathing. Another one was my failed ecg, and the leads aren't helping since it's not attaching well on our old lady patient. Well, might be the sagging skin tho. Another one was the CS patient that I had to prepare for a short time, and the preeclamptic patient that I had to endorse to ward even past my shift. Lastly, the damn thermometer that made me get into a fight with our NA. I was so annoyed that she has to repeat the whole damn thing over and over again. It was so early then, but my patience is running low already. And oh, addendum: I was a bit pissed yesterday when our ROD didnt even bothered to take the referral call and just let me blurt out or ask anything regarding the referral I dont even know. Ugh, how I hate the hoobae-sunbae thingy. I looked dumb during the phone call, and I dunno if the other line noticed how dumb my questions were.

Honestly, I can't say if I'm really learning, but I think I'm getting there? I'm not that confident yet when it comes to ER setup but i hope I'd learn more. Good luck to meeeee!!!!!!

I want to work to a bigger hospital to see if I did really learned, improved, or not. Seriously, I felt like I performed well during my training than now.

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Welcome to ER

It's been two days since I stepped on ER. Actually, I think I wasn't ready yet to be an ER nurse since I feel that I'm not yet that knowledgeable when it comes to emergency situations. Good thing, my co-nurses are really helpful that they assists me whenever I'm doing something. So far, I'm enjoying my work and hopefully I'll do much better in the next few days.

Moving on, I had a very toxic shift last night since we had a so-called childrens party, assault/mauling kemps with a bit of husband and wife LQ, and VA galore. Good thing I survived the wave of patients last night, huhuhu. I also want to thank our RODs for being funny enough to make us forget the toxicness that we went through.

I'm adjusting well so far but I can't help but get nervous when I'm admitting patients to wards, especially when I'm endorsing to quite intimidating co-nurses. Hahaha. I feel like I'd mess up and get yelled up in no time if I happen to forget something. I'm also having a hard time to do charting. Huhuhuhuuuuu! I guess I need to practice more in regards to that.

And lastly, I miss OR so much, including Sir Carlo. Hihi. Kbye!

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