Thanks, no thanks

There are times that we refuse to accept the concern of other people. Not that we have a towering pride to accept it, but we feel like we don't need any of their concern, because yeah, we can get past to it.

I'm a the exact example of that kind of person in my second sentence. Sometimes, I'll just let those words of concern pass from my ear going out to my other ear and don't let any single word of that sentence I heard remain in my head.

I've been avoiding a certain person since last month. I unfollowed him/her in Facebook so that I won't see its updates in my news feed. I felt fine in the past weeks that I didn't had any words or photos of him/her in my news feed. Until tonight that I received a tweet asking me what happened with my eye. Upon reading that tweet, I didn't replied because I don't need to explain why my eye is a bit irritated. Another thing is, I'm avoiding him/her, so why ruin my own plan?

But then again, the story I've read (for the second time) this afternoon entered my mind. Friends would ask the other friend what he/she is feeling, because, he/she is his/her friend anyway. 

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*-----* means I don't know how to end this post.

What I don't understand about people

I've been itching for a long time already just  to post this one, yet I don't have the right words how to put it, even the title itself.

I'm an observant that won't even tell you straightly what I had seen with a certain person. It will take time for me to ponder about the "why's" of it. (Is "why's" grammatically correct?) There's a person online that I've known because of its "famous" connections. I didn't bothered to get close to her just to share with those "connections" but I follow her in some SNS just to get news about my crush through her updates. Moving on, I've read something that kinda tickled my inquisitive brain. "Why do you have to pose as a good person to some and a bad enemy to others if they won't agree with you?" Another thing is that she boasts about her connections and when other people asked about it and then she'll turn into an aggressive cat.

I know I sound like a kid asking about this, but can we just keep our cool? I understand that a lot of us have our own bad side, but can we not threaten them with our devilish side without knowing us. I think that why those people are being pre-judged because they pre-introduce themselves as a not-so good person when angered.

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Post-check up depression

I've encountered a lot of health check-ups since I was young. I was sickly then that's why I treated hospitals as my second home (and ships as my third because I always travel going to Puerto or Manila.). But yesterday (and up until now), I was really depressed with the result. I have a health problem that resurfaced after how many years. Since that problems was solved already, we focused our attention in my heart condition (this is serious, not a "heart-broken" kind of condition tho). But now, "that" problem it kinda hinders my plan to undergo training this upcoming March. I thought I was doing and feeling well but I'm not.

Honestly, I still think that my heart problem was worse than this because my cardiac muscles might get tired and eventually stop. I'm not depressed  or sad with the thought I might die because of this resurfaced problem, but it makes me worry on how I will work as a healthy medical practitioner.

But then again, no one beats prayers and faith in God. I've been through a lot of problems like this in the past though I had Nanay to accompany me to the doctor. But now, I have to face this all by myself. I'm too old to be accompanied by a parent or relative (haha, my dad isn't even here, and no relative is available to join me in the hospital). I guess I have to rely on my experiences on how to deal with this. This time, the tables have been turned. I'm the patient now, and I need to do what the doctors would ask me to do. Hay, we really need to take care of our health.

I'm planning to jog every morning whenever I'm not busy. I guess having a healthy lifestyle would really help. And how I wish I had a handsome nurse to take care of me. If there's no one available, then I'll just hire myself to  be my personal nurse. HAHAHAHA :)

Waiting

You don't challenge me to a waiting game because I can patiently wait, how long it will take. :D

Huhu, but it's different now because I'm dying to see that holy email from those hospitals that I applied. I keep on checking my mail everyday, hoping that someone would contact me about those job-related thingy but looks like I'm hopeless.

I called one of the first hospitals I applied to ask when will be the start of their Batch 1 training and the training officer answered that it will be on February 17. But, a trainee will be included if he/she received an email from him. Uhh, actually I haven't received any email from him regarding this month's training. I dunno whether I'll be happy or not since I prefer those hospitals which are near to my place. Any, that hospital was actually my first choice but... Haha, I can't tell why.

Another thing is, there's also a hospital that is 2 rides away from my place and their training will start by next month. I heard that not all their trainees are being absorbed, but I think I should still try. Malay mo diba? Any, I'll be finishing all my applications this week so that I will have a peaceful vacation this weekend with my cousins. Hundred Islands adventure, yaaaay!

Since I'm a bit frustrated with my current state, my tita told me that maybe my birthday gift will be the job I've been waiting for.


Christelle and Justine: Pati sa trabaho, pinaghihintay ka pa rin?



Hay. Buhay abanger (sa trabaho).

Untitled blah blah

Actually, I wanna write something about defense mechanisms but I really can't organize my mind right now so I just opted to do a "freestyle" one instead of a "structured" type.

I feel like I let my defense mechanisms reign over me. I dunno, it's just that I let denial, reaction formation, suppression and rationalization to make it up for me. Honestly, it sounds like I'm having a psych problem, but nah, I know I'm still normal.

I'm feeling this because of one reason that I don't want to divulge. If you're thinking that something happened to me, naah. Anyway, that "thing" is one of the reason's why I'm not into Facebook lately. I already know why I'm being like "this", but my defense mechs are overpowering "this" feeling. I thought I'm finally okay. I thought, "pooling" resolved this already. But no, "this" is not yet over.

Do I really sound like a psychopath now? Haha.

It's hard to admit to yourself that you feel this kind of emotion but you better not show it because of your fear of being misjudged. It's not bad to feel it. What will makes it bad is if you insist what you're feeling to other people.

This is one of the things I hate being a writer, because I can't stop writing. Some says that when you're already over it, you'll stop writing about it. But since you're reading this, it means one thing, I'm not yet over it.

*cue Starting Over Again*

Gomenasai!

(It means sorry in Japanese)

I know I've been so inactive in the past few days. I don't update my Facebook much and I don't blog that often compared to my college days, to think that I'm much available now compared before.

Honestly, I'm not doing good these days. I was sick last Wednesday and Thursday. Even though I'm not in the mood to take care of my self, I can't stand drooling over my pillow sheets and my blankets. Aside from that, I need to avoid having Tonsillitis because those streps might invade my heart (realistically speaking). So, I had to get up and go to SM San Lazaro to buy meds and foods, too. I tend spend quite much whenever I'm sick. I would buy foods I don't usually buy whenever I'm trying to be thrifty. Anyway, I need to take care of myself because no one would do it for me.

I felt better come Friday. And yuhoo, I just ended my CS problems since I opted to donate instead to serving that whole 58 hours (though I was able to render 12 hours already at the Marketing Office. Any, I also had a good time there with Mam Pink and Sir Ian). Then I also paid for my TOR and then I will be getting it today (together with my Good Moral cert). So, my last problem is my NBI clearance, but I have to call the main office regarding on my queries. Honestly, I wasn't able to copy the accomplished online form of my NBI clearance. I'm hoping that I'll be able to finish my requirements this week.

Last Thursday, I ditched that interview at a specialty clinic somewhere in Makati and then didn't attended my Nursing Proficiency Exam at PGH (since I think I won't even get a chance to pass in the next few steps. Quite a pessimistic attitude of mine). Well, I do have a valid reason: I'm sick. :P

Lately, I don't blog a lot about my inner thoughts since I'm quite cautious of what I'm saying lately. Well, I have a journal that keeps my thoughts privately. I realized that there are some things that I don't need to say to other people. Now, I learned to be more private compared to my usual "open" self.

I observed that I don't bond or go out with my Advo friends much this month. Haha, sorry but I have some financial problems lately and I don't want to spend beyond my budget. And aside from that, I don't wanna go far and I'm afraid of traveling alone especially at night. But I don't regard myself as a loner since I do hang with some of my FEU friends whom we call as "Brobabes." :) We're four in the group, one "bro" and three "babes." Bro and I are from IN and the two other babes are from IAS-Psych. They're quite older than me, so they regard me as the "bunso" yet I feel awkward at times when I call them ate or kuya so I try to call them with their names :D

For two weekends already, my BFF and I are having some ultimate bonding experience here at my apartment (since yeah, I'm in a budget). We reminisce our high school days and our island life in Cuyo. What I love about my best friend is that she knows me through and through. We were schoolmates in Prep School, High School up to College (because yeah, I followed her in FEU.) We might not bond as often as my other college friends, she knows about me more than them. There are some things that I could only open up to her esp. about family matters (yeah again, because she knows my family well). I'm hoping for more bonding moments with her :)

Moving on, I'm trying to ask myself whether I feel pressured about being unemployed or not. Honestly, I'm quite in a rush of looking for a hospital to work at. Luckily, I found that a nearby hospital is looking for a staff nurse. I want to work there since I don't have to travel far to get to my workplace. Hahaha. Lazy kid as always. Any, I'll still pass my requirements to other hospitals. :)

Aside from what I stated above, my source of entertainment is watching Asian dramas. Yesterday, I just finished Yamato Nadeshiko. Well, I'm a big fan of its anime version, and it's live action didn't disappoint me. Though at first, the actor who played Kyohei didn't even look like the anime Kyohei, but in the end, reality is different from fiction. But hey, he's handsome and I like his hair! (I dunno why I like guys with long hair lately.) Kazuya Kamenashi did a good job as Kyohei. Huhuhu, I can't help but cry with its last episode. Go Kyoheiiii. Another thing, I also watched Vic and Barbie's MARS. I'm a big fan of them since Meteor Garden days. As a fangirl, MARS was a dream come true since they're both the leads. :) Vic Zhou is soooo pogi with his long hair (haha, long hair again). Their acting was superb and I like the story because of its uniqueness and its unpredictable twists. :)

If you are an avid reader of my blog (...in short, you're from Advo), I know you'd ask about my lovelife... Well uhh, crushlife. So far, all I have are two crushes: my idol crush and my happy crush. Haha, and they're both from IN and both of them are my former seniors. :) I think I need inspiration like them to strive with my unemployed life. Hahaha. They will always remain as my crushes since I really can't reach them (and I'm younger than them.) :D

I know I'm living a lonely life but don't worry, I always find ways to be happy in what I do. This solitude will surely give me a lot of lessons that will be useful in the future. :

Cuyonon aco :)

This feature by Living Asia exposed how rich Palawan culture was, especially Cuyonon. It showcased its richness on music and dances, but it also mentioned about the fading language of Cuyonon. This is really a must-watch :)

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I am a full-blooded Cuyonon since my parents are both natives of Cuyo, and I also spent my childhood and teenage days there for before going to Manila for college. I've been a fluent speaker of Cuyonon (and even Agutaynen, another dialect in an island-municipality) for years already. Before I left Cuyo, I already observed that there are some kids who aren't speaking our native tongue. Some of them speaks Tagalog, and worse, combining Tagalog and Cuyonon, which really sounds awful. I'm not saying that speaking Tagalog is wrong or what, but what I'm saying is we must speak our dialect when we are talking to our fellow Cuyonon. In that way, we're preserving our language that is becoming extinct already. There are some places in Palawan where Cuyonon language was completely lost, and it was just in Cuyo that you'll find a large number of people speaking it fluently and naturally.

In relation to language, another way of conveying it is through music. I think every kid in our island knows more than one folk song. Some of them are King King, Petrona Pipay Dolores, Layang Pasyak, and the ever-popular Ploning. I grew up listening to those songs since Lola really loves them. I remember an instance (I was 5 then) when we had an everyday lecture about those folk songs. My love for those were nurtured come elementary because of some school activities, then later on in high school when I joined PSU-PCAT's Rondalla which usually performs in different cultural presentations.

I'm really happy when I learned that last October, a seminar workshop on Cuyono folk dances and musical instruments (tipano, guitar, banduria, bass, violin) was held. Though I was a bit envy because there was nothing like that during our time. I learned how to play banduria through self-study. Huhu, I really wanted to learn how to play the violin!  We're just quite lucky in our school since we're the only one which has a Rondalla band. Kudos to  the members of the Culture and Arts Guild for putting up an event like that. :)

In one part of the video, it featured on the different dances. The popular one was the Pinundo-Pundo. The two elders are so cute while performing it. :) It is usually done during the weddings. Haha, how I wish it was also done in real weddings until now. During my childhood days, there were groups of teenagers or not-so teenagers anymore who goes house to house and performs Sambali. Its steps were quite similar to Pinundo-Pundo, but the difference was that they sing a certain song while dancing. Another thing that you would easily recognize in them are their sash which indicates their names. But the usual one you'll see is Ploning. I think, some of their "names" in the sash are derived from the characters in some Cuyonon folk songs :)

Even though I'm away for 5 years already, I never ever forget anything about Cuyo. I'm really proud to be a Cuyonon (though some of my friends were teasing me for being proud of it). I want to help preserve our culture in my own little ways. :) I think this is a way of giving back to my hometown that nurtured me, and whose values made me to be the individual that I am now. :)

Estraviva!