On Gospel's Parenting Lessons

Not that I'm planning to raise a kid this early, but I'm such a fan of those things related to parenting.

I happened to click a link directing to Radyo Palawenos livestreaming, and then they're airing the Cuyunon mass straight from Puerto Princesa Cathedral. I'm really happy because it's been a while since I last heard a Cuyunon mass. It was Fr. Jess (who happened to be our neighbor in Cuyo) who was the celebrant/officiating priest. Sakto na naabutan ko pa yung second reading and then yung Gospel. It's about Joseph's dream of sending Mary and Jesus to Egypt because of King Herod's threat (oh yes, I'm too familiar on this one. Since I studied in a Baptist-run school in Kindergarten, ilang beses na namin tong inulit ulit :) ). Any, I remember that today's the feast of the Holy Family.

Fast-forward to sermon (Gospel din yun diba?), Fr. Jess shared a story about a young thief caught by a policeman. So, the policeman asked the little kid why he committed that crime and where are his parents. And the kid replied that he had nothing to eat, and that his father is a drunkard and his mother's doing nothing at home. The policeman asked about his the kid's and parent's name, and then he answered that his mom is "bruha", his father is "demonyo", he is "demonyito", and they're living in "impyerno." Pissed with the little boy's answer, he accompanied the kid on his way home and then found out the reason why the kid answered his questions that way. Kahit di pa sila nakakalapit sa bahay, naririnig na nila yung away ng mag-asawa and yung pag-banggit ng mga ganung pangalan.

So, the priest asserted that parents should be the model of every kid because in the end, they will mirror how their parents raised them up. Not 100% accurate, but many of us still believe in the saying "Kung ano ang puno, sya rin ang bunga." (And I remember Lola saying "Alangan na mamunga ng mangga yung barantiong (also known as wintermelon) !!") Some kids nowadays forgets about the precious lessons shared to them by their parents. They want to do things "their way" rather than seeking advice from them. I think they're just too excited to grow up, but forgets how to act like a matured one. Being a grown-up kid won't assure you any maturity. Physical maturity maybe? It doesn't mean that even you're old enough to decide for yourself, then you don't need advice from your parents. I think it's your parent's obligation or purpose in life to guide you all the way, and you, as their child, you also have to follow them because, yeah, they're right and they know what's good or not. And this one was related by Fr. Jess to Joseph who followed God's order through his dreams without any complaints or second thoughts. And because of this, Jesus grew up as a good son, and still followed Him to die for our sins.

At the middle of the Gospel, the priest shared about the three important lessons by St. Paul. Those are "mababa leba" or humility, "mapatinawaden" or forgiving, and "mapinasinsayen" or understanding. He said that those are also or should be the main lessons that parents should teach to their kids. I think those are just basic things that are automatic already in every people, but when you think about it, most of us already forget to incorporate those things in our daily lives. He said that these things are learned at home, not in somewhere else. And as a family, it is a must to pray together because prayer is like a strong bond that holds them together.

He also had another story about a little kid who eats with his maternal grandfather. Due to old age, his grandfather started to lose his eyesight already, and always breaks his plate whenever he's eating. And because of that, he was being scolded by the lil kid's mother. So one day, the kiddo's mom saw his son making a plate made on wood, and when she asked him why he made it, he answered that when she gets old, she will use that wooden plate so that she won't break it when she accidentally drops it. I find it really touching since the kid is fully aware on different things about him. Although his mom served as a not-so bad example of a child scolding his parent on his mistakes as an elderly, but then the kid chose to think about the good things he will do if her mother reached in her old age already. Since I grew up with my grandparents, I really know how it was like living with elder people. Yes, they commit mistakes but you can't blame them because it happens when you're old already, and during those times, they need you to be there for them, not as someone who will scold them like a little kid. For me, it is a great achievement to serve your parents (on my part, it's my grandparents) because you owe a lot to them. You will not be here in this world without them. I'm lucky enough to live with my grandparents because I was able to experience the way they raised my mom, although I was quite spoiled by my lolo, being the only grandchild left in Cuyo.

According to St. Paul, those people who take care, love,and respect their parents will receive four graces from God. Those are 1)akabayad sa kasalanan (Your sins will be easily forgiven); 2) masasabat nga lagi ang pangadi (Youre prayers will be easily answered); 3) manggad sa lugta ig manggad sa langit (richness in heaven and Earth); and 4) papalabegen ang kabui (Long life).

Despite of those God's graces I mentioned, serving or following your parents doesn't need something in return. For everything that they have done for us, they didn't asked us to pay them back. But as a good children, they also deserve something from us. Being a good son/daughter who fears God is, I think, enough for them already. Because whatever may happen to us, they will embrace us wholeheartedly. :)

Happiness is a decision

So yesterday, umattend ako ng Simbang Gabi sa UST. Bale first time ko mag-simbang gabi dito sa Manila sa five years na nag-stay ako rito. Since I woke up at 9pm (Dec.21) eh di na ko natulog until 3am. Sa sobrang aga, walang tricycle na dumadaan sa street namin, puro taxi lang. Then I decided na mag-taxi na lang para safe bilang takot akong maglakad mag-isa (kahit na ilang kembot lang ang UST mula sa apartment).

Kumain muna ako sa McDo bago pumasok ng UST. At habang naglalakad ako along Plaza Mayor, super blank lang utak ko. Haha, maliban sa lutang moments ko, may mga time din na naglalakad ako sa wala akong iniisip na kahit ano. Fineel ko lang yung moment na naglalakad ako. Nung asa loob na ako, nakahanap ako ng available seat. Medyo awkward lang kasi nakaupo ako sa pagitan ng dalawang mama. Hahaha. Buti na lang payat ako at kahit maliit na space eh pwede ako. Sa una lang naman ako na-awkward, any pumunta naman ako ng simbahan para magsimba, hindi para ma-awkward kung sino katabi ko.

Nung gospel na, medyo excited ako sa magiging sermon ng pari. Minsan kasi eh nag-aanticipate ako sa magiging topic sa sermon based dun sa scripture na binasa. Wala lang, ganun lang talaga ako. Bale tungkol kasi yun kay St. Joseph at sa panaginip nya. Ikakasal na sila ni Virgin Mary nung nalaman nya na buntis pala to. So syempre kahit sinong lalaki eh mafu-frustrate at madi-disappoint pag nalaman nyang buntis na agad yung pakakasalan nya. Sa sinaunang Israel kasi, pag nalaman na buntis yung babae na walang asawa, bale babatuhin sya to death. Since ayaw naman ni Joseph na mangyari kay Mary yun, nanahimik na lang sya. Then napanaginipan nya yung isang angel na nagsasalita sa kanya, na Mary's conceived by the Holy Spirit at magkaka-anak si Mary ng baby boy at papangalanang Jesus/Emmanuel. And after that, naintindihan na ni Joseph ang lahat at naging maganda yung pang-unawa nya sa nangyari.
Sabi nga kanina, good understanding=good decision=____________ (nakalimutan ko na, acceptance yata?). Kaya pagdating sa mga ganyang problema, wag kang tumingin sa negative side, dapat sa positive side lagi.

 Then yung sumunod naman eh about sa happiest person in the Philippines. Bale isa syang dating pasyente sa UST Hospital na may ankylosing spondilytis (arthritis of the spine accompanied by swelling and pain [in movement]). Isipin mo, bat yung taong may ganung sakit pa yung maituturing na happiest person sa Pilipinas? So sinabi nya sa acceptance speech nya (non-verbatim) na dahil sa sakit nya, naging iba yung pananaw nya sa buhay nya, at kahit ganun man, mas pinili pa rin nyang maging masaya kasi yung kasiyahan hindi mo hinihintay na dumating o mangyari yan, dapat ginagawa mo yan. Kasi ang pagiging masaya, desisyon yan.

Dahil dun, medyo nagising yung diwa ko. In the past few days, medyo hindi ako ganun ka-saya (excluding Dec.19). Syempre may mga problems akong kelangan kong i-deal ng ako lang. Sa sobrang seryoso, parang ayoko gn pag-usapan pa, pero in the end, kelangan ko rin ng tulong kasi hindi ko kaya mag-isa. Well, good thing eh tumawag si Mommy, and poof, solved na yung problema ko (partly). May mga araw na di ko kayang ngumiti o lumabas ng bahay dahil sa preoccupied na yung utak ko ng problema. Well, ganun talaga, dumarating talaga sa buhay natin yan.

After ng mass, napaisip ako na ang happiness, kahit dumating yan sayo, pero kung hindi mo rin pipiliin maging masaya, wala rin. How much more kung hihintayin mong dumating o mangyari ang happiness sayo, tapos wala namang mangyari, edi hindi ka na magiging masaya? Medyo simpleng bagay lang yung happiness pag pinag-uusapan kasi feeling mo automatic na yun, pero hindi pala. Lahat ng bagay eh nangyayari kung pipiliin mo yun. Maswerte nga tayo at may free will tayo, kasi free tayong piliin yung kaligayahan natin. (Haha, wala akong hugot dito guys)

Ayun, bet  ko lang talagang i-share to kasi syempre Christmas season naman, and there's no reason to be sad. Kung may problema man, isipin mo na buong taon eh may problema naman tayo, pwede mo namang kalimutan muna in the next few days. And then, look back at your old problems, and mare-realize mo na nalampasan mo pala yun. Kaya ikaw, kung naghahanap ka ng sign, sorry, hindi ito sign. Ipapaalala ko lang na uso maging masaya. :)

Merry Christmas everyone! :)


(Sa [mga] friend/s kong naiintriga sa post ko last time, pwede nyo ng i-check ang Facebook ko. Now's the perfect time) :D

Looking.. Searching..

It's December 20 already and 2014 is just few kembots away. And to update myself, I'm on my 5th month as an unemployed RN. Moving on, I'm going to pass my resume already by next week but I'm a bit anxious since undergoing training (hospitals don't usually hire nurses right away) is somewhat a different arena compared to those duty days I had in college.

Yesterday, me and my friends are talking about something when I asked one of them if what was the skills he wrote in his resume. Hahaha. Honestly, I've been having a hard time in making resumes since my Advo application days. I had to follow Cindy's outline then because I don't know where to start. Any, they just joked that I should put "bed making" skills there. Hahaha. Well, bed making is also a part of our RLE Skills Lab then, so it's a bit correct if I would write it there. LOL. But one of them asked if where am I going to apply for a job, and I told him a certain hospital that was a bit far from my current place. So, he suggested that I should pass an application in SLMC-QC since it was just a 15-20 mins ride away.

So here's my current problem now, after searching about the application chuchus for some hospitals, I found myself staring blankly, thinking about those requirements I have to pass. Aaaand, I also read some blog entries about Post-Graduate Nurse Training (PGNT). Honestly, I'm a bit excited and a bit nervous about it. But yeah, it's natural to feel that way. I'm just praying that I would start my 2014 training already. I'm tired being a lazy kid, sleeping the whole day inside my room. And this sedentary lifestyle would definitely kill me. Any, let's just do hope that I would get accepted. If not, then I'll look for another hospital (kahit saang parte pa ng Manila yan!)

Any, GO LHEA! (Self motivation is the key!) :)

Alert!

I think I need to push the panic button now. As in now na.

Haha. Okay, I know it's kinda creepy but I'm stalking someone's FB right now. Since most of my readers here are my Advo friends, guys wag nyo na hulaan, di nyo sya kilala at wag nyo na syang hanapin pa sa Facebook ko. Haha.

Ayun nga, medyo weird tong pangsstalk ko ha. Medyo kamakailan ko lang sya nakasama pero last year ko pa sya nakilala. Okey lang naman bilang ka-institute ko naman, and syempre medyo iba din kasi pag ka-insti mo, may mga bagay na kayo-kayo lang ang nagkakaintindihan. Moving on, keri lang naman, pogi sya. K. Kaso, ang problema ngayon eh bet ko na yata sya. Nooooooooo! Hindi pwedeeeeeee!

So eto na nga, ayoko sya maging crush kasi ine-expect ko na magiging hopia na naman ako. Hahaha. Pero masasabi kong improvement to kasi ngayon lang ako uli nagka-crush mula sa IN. Hahahaha. Wala eh, nasa higher batches pala yung mga bet sa IN eh. (Ayan, clue na yan!)

Wala namang masamang magka-crush kasi nga pwede naman talaga, kaso hindi pwede eh, bunso-zoned agad ako neto. Huhu. Ewan ko ba, basta bet ko sya. Natatatawa nga ako na tina-type ko to kasi isa na naman tong kabaliwan na pagsisisihan ko sa huli kung bakit ko pa pinost. Pero hindi talaga pwede, ayoko sya maging crush, pero shet, kinikilig ako sa kanya.

Huhu, mga dyosa ng mga bigo sa crush, tulungan nyo ko. Wala akong pag-asa dito eh.

KFine, sana pala lumipat na sya ng hospital para maging future co-staffers kami (Yes? Co-staffers? Advo lang? Co-nurses siguro?) :D

Hashtag RELATE

*Don't take it too seriously guys!*

Flashback: It was my last night in Puerto Princesa when this "Friendzone" MMK episode was aired (it was later on when I learned that it's title was Wedding Booth). Too bad I wasn't able to watch it til the end because Kuya and I went to an event. So two nights ago, I planned to watch its replay online, and then decided to make this entry to air my side.

*Please watch it guys!*
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2-qupjGELQ
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N22sGVnybNM
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1THj5VVNLA


So there, medyo relate ako sa episode na yun, not because I'm a hopeless romantic, but I was also "friendzoned" twice. Yes, T-W-I-C-E. I know you KNOW who those guys are, but I won't mention their names here again because I made a promise not to mention them again here (and because, yeah, we're friends). The first one was the "unseen" while the other was the "always there" friend.

There are some parts of the episode that I can't relate, especially when Marq dated and had a relationship with Gel's best friends (Dina= college BFF; Belle= work BFF). Okay, let me react to this, isang HASHTAG taksil na BFFs para sa kanilang dalawa. Yes,  I would feel betrayed if the same thing happened to me, too. Like yeah, those people knows how Gel likes Marq but they somewhat "snatched" him from her. I know there's an unwritten law for BFFs, na hindi mo tataluhin yung bet/jowa/ex-jowa ng best friend mo. With what happened (if I were Gel), it's much better to lose them than keep them. Yun pa nga lang eh may ka-traydoran na, what more kung sa ibang bagay pa? (I'm really putting myself on Gel's shoes. And yes, I'm feeling it.)

But what really hit me was the confession part of Gel. I think it could even match Jolina's line as Bujoy in her past movie. Hahaha. Too bad I have to watch the episode again and write the whole conversation here.

KFine, I'm doing it.....

-----
Marq: Uy Gel, kamusta ka na?
Gel: Uy Marq.
Marq: Sorry nga pala kung di ako nakapag-text sayo, naghahanap kasi ako ng trabaho... Siguro magpa-part time turo na muna ako dito sa NOCC. Masaya yun diba? Magkakasama tayo uli.
Gel: Tingin mo talaga okey sakin yun ha? Tngin mo okey sakin na makita ka uli? Ganyan ka ba talaga ka-manhid, Marq? Di mo ba talaga alam yung nararamdaman ko sayo ha? Tingin mo okey lang sakin na makita ka lagi? Wala ka ba talagang pakialam sa nararamdaman ko? Di mo ba napapansin na matafak na kitang mahal, ha? Hindi ba? Sinubukan ko naman eh. Pinilit ko namang di maramdaman tong nararamdaman ko eh. Pero kasalanan mo rin. Pinaramdam mo sakin na yung mga kilos mo sakin, yung mga sinasabi mo, yung mga pinaramdam mo. Pinaramdam mo na espesyal ako.
Marq: Espesyal ka naman talaga sakin Gel.
Gel: Pero bakit hindi ako? Bakit hindi ako? Bat laging sina Dina? Bat laging sina Belle? Bat laging kaibigan ko, best friend ko pero never ako, ha? Bakit? Marq, may mali ba sakin? Bat di mo ko kayang mahalin? May kulang ba sakin? Meron ba?

--------

And next is Marq's part which was really something that I heard already. :P

Marq: Walang mali sayo Gel. *silence* Sa tingin mo ba hindi ko naisip na ligawan ka? Na hindi ko ginusto na higitan pa yung pagkakaibigan natin? Napakadali sakin na mahalin ka ng ganun, Gel. Pero ayoko, ayoko Gel. Alam mo naman siguro kung anong nangyari samin ni Dina. Nagkahiwalay kami. Pagkatapos nun, ni pagkakaibigan walang natira samin. Ayokong isugal yun sayo. Dahil ikaw ang isa sa mga pinaka-importanteng babae sa buhay ko. At natatakot akong mawala ka sakin. Pasensya na kung nasaktan kita, kung pinaasa kita. Di naman yun ang intensyon ko. Ganun lang ako siguro magpakita ng alaga at lambing sa mga taong mahal ko. At mahal kita Gel. Mahal na mahal kita. Sana pagkatapos nito, di ka mawala sakin.


Okay, so lemme react first on Gel's "abrupt" confession. For me, the honest way of confessing to someone was not the planned one. I mean, ang mga ganyan, biglaang sinasabi, walang plano plano. Kapag pinlano mo, medyo hashtag scripted na yan because you plotted what will happen eh. While in the abrupt one, your honesty is at its peak. No holds barred ika nga.

With what Gel said, I love the honesty and how she pointed out why it was always her best friends. Though the story has its own lapses since it really focuses on Gel, I wanted to know how Marq and Dina/Belle became that close and developed their feelings and how they broke up. Hahaha. Ang demanding ko yata?

Pero kung ako kay Gel, the moment Marq and  Belle entered the party and the guy acknowledged Gel's presence, sana man lang eh nag-plastic smile na lang sya para kunwari eh keri lang. Medyo halatado kasi si Gel. :P

------
On Marq's confession, gusto kong magkaroon ng bad girl and good girl's POV. Sorry, may alter ego ako.

Bad girl: I already heard his lines before. Let's just say that someone had thrown me that killer line before, and that I didn't know how to react because I didn't understood it well. Good thing I had a guy friend like June Ace who was really intelligent in debunking guys codes. Since Marq's line was somewhat similar sa narinig ko before, lemme insert June Ace's POV here. He told me that a guy would find it hard telling a girl like Gel (sabihin na nating kagaya ko.) that he loves her. Parang hindi raw honest. If I were to summarize yung mga sinabi ni Marq, Juneys would definitely say na pang-cover up lang yung sinabi ni Marq. Walang honesty at all. Hahaha. Mean guy is mean. K. But in my point, Marq is so selfish. Masyado nyang pinangunahan yung mararamdaman nya. I mean, he loves her yet pinigilan nya yung sarili nya kasi ayaw nyang masaktan si Gel. Hello, you could have been happier or the both of you could've been happier kung hindi ka natakot. Medyo natawa ako sa part na "Ayokong mawala ka sakin" kasi it just proves his selfishness. Nasaktan na nya si Atey and yet he wanted her to stay? Medyo magulo ha.

Good girl: Marq did the right thing, na inexplain nya kay Gel yung side nya. Mabuti lang it didn't took quite long for him to tell his own story kasi in my case, it took a year din ha. It's much harder kapag yung agrabyadong party yung nagsi-seek ng explanation pero yung kabilang partido is denying you of that precious explanation you deserve since day one. Well, until that fateful day came. Going back, Gel deserves an explanation from him. It took a lot of courage from her to tell him what she feels. Kahit na she felt rejected already, pero sinabi nya pa rin para maging honest sya kay Marq and sa sarili nya. It's difficult to fall in love with a friend, kasi feeling mo tina-traydor mo sya. He knows you as a friend, pero may hidden feelings ka pala sa kanya. I also liked the fact na ayaw nyang magaya si Gel sa ex nya who happened to be Gel's estranged BFF-slash-college roomate. Sabi nga nila, wag mong pitasin ang isang bulaklak kung sisirain mo lang. :)

"Never assume unless otherwise stated," yan yung sinabi ni Gel nung una, pero nung huli eh kinain din nya yung sinabi nya. No, hindi ako kontra kay Gel, actually kaisa nya ko. :) Sabihin na lang natin na sadyang sweet lang si friendd kaya napa-assume ng bongga si atey. Well, sweet sya kasi Gel is dear to him...as a friend. Sabi nga rin ni Marq na pwede nman nyang i-level up ang friendship nila eh, kaso sayang. Hay ewan. Medyo ambivalent ako ha. Pero I'm glad that Marq knows his intentions. Ang hirap kasi kung ni-level up nga nya yung friendship yet unclear sa kanya yung intentions nya and then eventually eh iiwan nya sa ere si girl kasi pati sarili nya eh hindi nya maintindihan, kung ano ba talaga yung nafi-feel nya or kung ano intentions nya. (Okey, I'm speaking based on experiences again.) But as a real friend that he is, he doesn't want to lose Gel as easy as that. Sabihin na lang natin na challenge lang sa friendship nila yung nangyari, pero nung huli eh they remained friends pa rin naman. I'm happy that friendship prevailed between them. Gaya nga ng sinabi ni Gel na " Kahit mabigat ang pinagdaanan nyo, basta malalim ang pagkakaibigan, kaya nyong magka-ayos sa tulong ng time and space." (Nung bata pa ko, ang time at space eh pang-measure ng distance. Ngayon eh paraan para mag-move on na! Hahaha. Ayos!)

Dun sa ending, medyo nag-expect ako na they would end up together, kaso they remained friends pa rin. Well, I wish them all the best. Malay mo, sila pala meant to be. Hahaha. Salamat sa MMK, medyo iyak-tawa yung ganap ko sa episode na yun. And props to Alex Gonzaga for nailing the confession scene, and kay Arron Villaflor na bet na bet ko :))

Eat. Sleep. Laugh

It's been 2 weeks since I left Manila. And honestly, I miss my apartment, the unli WiFi, and my favorite Starbucks beverage. Well yeah, I miss my friends, too.

Some people were asking me if I'm staying here for good already. Hmm, depende! I can stay here as long as I want because I really missed my Lola. Well, pwede naman talaga na dito na ko mag-stay, but I can't. I already have plans for myself. Medyo na-delay na nga bilang Sept/Oct ko pa balak mag-work. Any, okey naman sakin na umuwi ako dito to take a break from the city, and para makalanghap ng masarap na hangin.

 

I'm here in Puerto Princesa City. Basically, this is not my real home, or my hometown, but since Lola's here I can already consider this as my second home here in Palawan. My vacation here won't be complete if I won't be able to go back to Cuyo. I'm planning to go there next week, kaso titignan ko pa kung okey ba yung panahon. (Ayoko bumyahe ng bagyo. Dambuhala pa naman yung mga alon pauwi samin.) Yung mismong "bahay" na lang talaga uuwian ko dun since di na rin kami nakatira dun, and wala na ring tao. Nakakamiss lang na dati eh ansaya ng bahay namin kahit na tatlo lang kaming nakatira. Okey, medyo madrama na to. Move on.

So far, hindi ako pala-lakwatsa dito sa Puerto. Medyo tinatamad ako gumala. Sa two weeks na andito ako, four times pa lang ako umalis ng bahay. During my first week, nag-meet kami ng childhood neighbor ko sa isang coffee shop sa city proper. Nung pauwi na, na-meet din namin yung isa pa naming classmate nung high school. Medyo small world :)

Then pumunta rin ako ng Baywalk mag-isa. Di naman sa nagda-drama, tinry ko lang gumala mag-isa. Then after ilang years eh nakapag-bike rin ako. Marunong pa pala akong mag-bike eh!

Recently, pumunta naman kami ng pinsan ko sa Baker's Hill. Everytime na pumupunta ako dun, nag-iiba yung place :)) Nag-enjoy naman ako, maliban sa mga fail photos nung pinsan ko bilang naloloka raw sya sa camera ko. Medyo nainggit ako dun sa mga families na nagto-tour dun sa place kasi andami nila. Natuwa ako dun sa nakasalubong ko sa park kasi may isang guy (na same age ko lang yata) na inaalalayan yung Lola nya na naglalakad. Ang adorable nilang tignan. Kaso, after nya alalayan yung Lola nya, nakasalubong ko uli sya. Lech, ambango nya! Hahaha. Naligo ata sa perfume yun eh! Sayang, #SPARKS sana :P

 

Ayun nga, di naman ako pumunta dito para mag-bakasyon grande. I think, umuwi ako dito para magpahinga. Feeling ko eh pagod na pagod ako. Stressful mamuhay sa syudad eh. Dito, tahimik and simple lang buhay. So far, tumataba na yung cheeks ko. Buti na lang. At tulog lang ako ng tulog :D And, syempre tawa ng tawa dahil sa mga kalokohan ni Lola. Parang bumalik lang din ako sa dati kong buhay, simple pero masaya :)

Weird dream is weird

I slept for more than 10 hours today, and I woke up dahil sa hindi ako makahinga due to a sever chest pain (which is bad because I have a heart problem for years already). So I positioned myself in high fowlers just to aid my breathing. I thought nalulunod ako pero di naman pala. But, my dream isn't connected with drowning or whatevs. It's kinda related to something na madalas na dumadaan sa isipan ko lately.

Hindi sya magkakasunu-sunod so per scene ko na lang sya ikukuwento.

The first one was a car racing. I dunno kung pano sya napunta sa parteng yun since ang naaalala ko eh nasa isang construction store (provincial setting) ako para bumili ng pako or whatevs and may pinapalabas na boxing match sa TV.

The next thing I remember eh sinave nya ko dun sa car racing. Weird lang diba?

Next, pababa na kami ng parang hill ng may nadaanan kaming children's park na overlooking a very beautiful place. Pero, ang sabi ko eh Cuyo yun, pero based dun sa itsura ng setting eh hindi naman. But the cute part there was when he's holding my hand. Yes, he's a HE. Baka naman babae yung naiisip nyo ha. Charot.

I dunno kung bakit ako kinikilig, hahaha, pero throughout my dream, ilang beses namin inuulit-ulit na we're friends. (Alangan naman na magkaaway kami?)

And the last one was nung may nabasag syang glass windown nung nasa town proper na kami. Di ko alam kung bat nabasag yun, may bumato ng bote o sapatos eh. So the owner of the house asked us to come inside and talk about what happened. Since si "friend" lang naman ang may kasalanan, he (the house owner) invited him in a room (which I first thought was an office).

Since antagal ko na sa may sala, nagsuspetsa na ko na baka may maling nagaganap though wala naman akong naririnig na pag-aaway. So nag-ninja moves na ko. Lumabas ako at sumilip sa window kaso wala akong makita at wala akong marinig. In the end, I went back inside of the house and kicked the door really hard when I found the house owner doing something "EEEW!"

(OKAY. RATED SPG. AND DI KO KINAYA)

Lemme say what I actually said in my dream, PUTANGINA! Well, I rarely curse someone, but that was really something I can't handle anymore. Dahil sa sobrang hiya nung house owner (tangina, di pa sya nahiya!), pumasok sya ng CR para ayusin sarili nya. Ayos-ayusin nya naman sarili nya, pati utak nya!!!

So ayun, balik sakin ang eksena. Nagsusumigaw na ko sa loob ng room na yun tapos andami kong pinagsasabi. Yung ibang sinabi ko, di ko na maalala though yung iba naaalala ko pa. Wanna know what I said? Secret. Charot. Malamang umiiyak ako sabay sabi ng mga walang hiya yung lechugas na house owner na yun and chuchuchu. Tapos eto naman ako kay "friend" na kawawang kawawa. Aaaand, parang sinabi ko na rin na betchikels ko si friendlaloo.

Honestly, di ko ineexpect na ganun magiging dream ko. Nakakaloka lang yung subconscious mind ko, ang weird lang talaga. Feeling ko, kaya ko napanaginipan si friendlaloo bilang napag-usapan namin sya ni BFF last Saturday. Yun siguro yun. Although medyo may guest appearance din tong si friendlaloo sa mga past dreams ko, medyo disturbing lang yung panaginip ko kanina.

Pero kidding aside, I know there's a deeper meaning kung bakit napapanaginipan natin yung mga tao. Maybe we're denying that we're thinking about them but in reality, deep in our hypothalamus, it will always be them who we're thinking about. I know it's not right or wrong to think about him, we're friends, right. Pero disturbing lang kasi yung pagdadrama ko dun sa last part, parang it says that I still like the person.

I think it's not bad to still like a person. Well, we all like a certain person, it might be a friend or not. Pano mo ba magiging friend yung isang tao kung hindi mo bet maging friend, diba? Haha, I think may point naman yung argument ko, right? I may still like a friend, but let's just leave it for being as a friend alone.

Sometimes, natatawa ako when my other friends tells me to "move on." And I'm questioning myself, "Ano ba ipagmu-move on ko?" So babalikan ko uli yung pinaglalaban ko lagi na, it's not wrong to like someone, then tell it straightly to him that you like him BUT you're not asking him to like you back, or to love you. So liking someone without assuming or exxpecting something in return isn't really bad. Aaand, it won't hurt that much. Trust me.

There are some times that I felt that I already lost my pride for doing that, but hey, I didn't lost anything. I still have my old self, my friend, our friendship, that's all. And, I also wanted to say that there's no romance that happened between the two of us. Maybe that's why other people needs to "move on" because they we're used to have romantic ties, and dahil nasanay na sila sa ganun, kapag nawala na yung romance eh kelangan naman nilang kalimutan yung mga nakasanayan nila. Well, same goes dun sa mga umasa, pinaasa, landian, MU kunwari or kahit ano pa man. Asus, pinagdaanan ko na rin yang MU "kuno" (not related with the friendlaloo person here) and at first ang hirap,  kasi nakasanayan mo na may nagke-care sayo (kahit thru text lang. WTH!). Ah basta, parang ganun na rin yun no. Siguro sa parteng yun, applicable ang pagmu-move on diba?

So if ever there will be other people who will soon tell me to "move on" (again), I think walang point yung pagmu-move on, kasi wala naman talaga :)

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Sa sobrang freestyle ng blog entry ko na to, nailabas ko na naman mga ibang hanash ko. :D Sige lang guys, malay nyo may ma-realize din kayo sa mga ka-hanash-an ko :)