What about now

It frustrates me so much that I've been so unproductive after I took the boards. I could've worked already after that, or went home to take care of Lola and some family matters. Gahd, I never expected my life could be this oh-so boring.

Just moments ago, I saw a picture of my classmate's visa in FB (Tomorrow's her first int'l flight. Well yeah, a nurse who happened to choose being a flight crew than working in a hospital). Not that I feel envy or what, I just thought that most of my classmates are working or should I say earning already, yet I was like a polar bear still hibernating in my comfort zone, or maybe a turtle feeling lazy to get out of its shell. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now (aside from "other" feelings).

Well, I've been bombarded with a lot of problems last week. I had to deal with some dilemmas that could make or break something (I'm telling you, it's a SERIOUS matter. Much serious than my relatives asking me if I have a boyfriend already). Good thing I have a supportive family who backs me up whatever happens, and gives sound advice.

Dealing with problems should not be  faced with a crumpled-like face, I think it's much better if you'll take a deep deep breath (that would even balloon your lungs until your bronchioles explode. LOL) then flash a bright smile. Not that you're being "plastic" with yourself, but it's the best way to start with.

During the series of problems, I was in Bicol with my cousins. Good thing I was in a place where I could breathe fresh air that will help me think much better, than here in Manila where I could take polluted air that will soon shrink my corrupted brain. Going back to Manila alone (bus ride) was a challenge because it was my first time. I don't have anyone to talk to when I feel bored or what. I happened to sit with a woman (in her late 20's or early 30's). At first, I'm not comfortable sitting with someone, especially when I'm alone (so call me selfish then).

Since I can't sleep during the trip, I stayed awake thinking about random things, and reminiscing those Bicol trips I had with Nanay when I was young. Twas kinda cool that I still remember some places we passed by before. While we're entering Lopez, Quezon, we heard a loud kablaam at the back part of the bus. I felt nervous at first, because hello?? Turned out that the rubber something of the back wheel exploded/bursted/shrinked (whatever). Good thing we're not running that fast, so an impending accident didn't happened. And because of that incident, my seatmate and I started to talk about what happened and talked about a lot of things like a long-lost friends.

During the latter part of the trip, it was me who talked and shared a lot of things about family and how I grew up. And after that very long conversation, I realized how lucky and blessed I am as a kid, as a person, and as a part of my family. Well despite of the problems I had days before, I was able to pass through it. I think that my real blessings are not money or anything, it was the people around me who made me like this. I'm blessed with a very supportive family and a good crop of friends. Some people may say that they don't need a lot of friends, but for me "Why limit your number of friends? You'll never know, you might get to know someone who'll make your life different."

I remember during my high school senior days when Lola told me not to make friends when I get to study in Manila. Actually, I cried hard that time because I feel like they're cutting some of my body parts. I talked to Lola on that very same day and told her what I feel and explained everything, and why she shouldn't control or limit me when it comes to choosing friends, or who to be with. And now, Lola's very happy that I found a lot of friends that helped me survive in the jungle of Manila. Like I found brothers and sisters, good friends, cheerers, etc. Those people who helped me in my studies, problems, and even during the haggard-est days of my life, the board review.

Having or picking good friends isn't as easy as ABC, sometimes there will be people who will hurt you soon. But wanna know my secret? I actually prayed for it (really hard). It's hard to pick a person and then ask God if he will be a good friend or not, so why not pray for it before you happen to know someone? I also did the same thing before entering high school. Instead of contemplating at the end part, why not pray for it before it started?

Last Friday, I had another dilemma that made me feel like I'm torn between someone I really love and my own future. Since I can't find someone to talk to, I just slept early and prayed that I'll be able to think better the next day. And the next day, the solution came as fast as a text message! Mommy and tita called me up to discuss something and then adviced me on what to do. Baam! Solved problem! :)

I'll probably go back to Palawan (after 2 years!) this week or next, to take care of Lola. Since I'm already a nurse, it's about time to take care of her and give back. She sacrificed a lot for me since I was young, so now that she's old, it's my duty to do the same for her. Then maybe after a month, I'll come back here in Manila and find a job :)

Actually, Lola's encouraging me to move back to Palawan. But I can't. So Mommy told me to spend a month there and go back to Manila to finally look for a job. It's kinda hard to move back to province when you're already used to live in the city. It somewhat makes me feel like I'm regressing. I know Lola will understand. :)

NEXT MONTH, I'll be looking for a SERIOUS JOB. I SWEAAAAR!

Point blank

(another random post with a very nonsense title)

Since I was looking for some photos I missed to upload last time, I decided to check all folders in my hard drive. But at one point, I came across a picture taken with a friend last year. After I was fascinated how healthy I looked like a year ago, it was then I realized that it was a rare photo I had with that person. After staring at it by more than 5 seconds, I abruptly said to myself, "Bagay nga pala talaga kami." Hahahaha.

Well, that person was frequently mentioned here in my blog, just check for my tags. Hoho. Any, I admit that we look good together (yeah, we look good together because we have the same height and almost close skin complexion) but we're really friends. Actually, baka friends to the superlative form pa yata dapat, mga more than friends, ganun. :D

Hahaha, okaay, I know it's really a very lame realization or whatever. But everything that I saw in my hard drive really put a smile on my face. Gahd, time runs so fast. And at least, I had some photos when I still look healthy, blooming, haggard, sleepless, etc. :D

Okay, good night :D

My take on Family/Famealy Day

Okay, I know you're all familiar with that Lucky Me commercial where a bullied kid tries to talk to his parents but his mom and dad are busy talking to their phones (in short, they're not paying attention to their kid). Why did I try to write about this? Because I hate it when kids are not given proper attention or guidance in their critical years.

I really didn't had a "complete" family, my mom died and my dad works abroad. So, I was left under the care of my grandma and nanay. Since they're also quite busy, sometimes you can't demand too much time from them and the only chance you get to be with them is during meal time.

If I were the kid in the commercial, I would transform as a big badass who continues to talk even though they're busy with their businesses. (Sorry for that badass thing, but I also did the same thing when I was young.) Being bullied is a serious thing. It makes you feel smaller as a person, and also vulnerable to other "feeling macho/superior" kids. It's also good to be talkative and open to your parents even if they don't do the same for you. You might never know, they might be doing the same eventually.

Kids needs someone behind their back, that's why they have parents. As parents, giving everything to your kid is not a measure of being a really good parent. Actually, it doesn't even count as a part of good parenting.

Let me remind you dear parents, having children is not just a gift, but also an obligation given to you by God. It is your obligation to raise someone who mirrors God. In the end, whatever happens to your kids will boil down to you because it will reflect you as a parent.

To those kids out there, I can't ask you to be like me, an outspoken kid way before I could remember. Even as a lil kid, you can stand up for yourself. Remember that those people who does bad things against you will remind you that you should do good, and that you'll be the opposite of them. Be close to your parents even if they're not doing the same for you. Make them realize that you need them and you love them. You are lucky to have parents unlike those youngsters who don't have a complete family, and who lack guidance and love.

I dunno what to feel about this Famealy Day, because having meals with your family should be an everyday routine, and doesn't really have to happen once a year. But yeah, it's kinda good that there's a lone day like this that will remind everyone about this.

Since I lived with lola and nanay for 14 years, we rarely eat together during the day. Actually, they can pause what they're doing and join me at the dining room. At first, I didn't complained, but as I grew up, I started telling them that we should eat together no matter what. I think I was already in high school that we ate together until I went to Manila for college.

Question: Did I lacked guidance or love from them? No. Why? Because it's not just during meals that we show love, guidance, or talk over some family-related or serious things at home. For I am a clingy kiddo, I always go wherever they are. Like whenever Lola's sewing some dresses, I stay beside her, look what she's doing, and ask her how to do this and that. Then after she finished here work, we would talk about random things. And from her, I became interested on parenting. When it comes to Nanay, I think she never lacked anything. I have her full attention, actually. Well, sometimes it really depends. hahaha. I learned to be clingy from her. She would always call me to go where she is around the house, then would hug me and ask me to stay with her. Sometimes, I would find it reaaaally weird.

Lastly, Family Day. Some says that Sunday is Family Day. And I don't care. Family Day is not even written on the calendar so I won't say that it's done just during Sunday. Family Day must be EVERYDAY.

Honestly, in my 14 years of being with Lola and Nanay, we don't celebrate Family Day. That's it. Like what I said, it must be everyday. Sometimes it annoys me (especially in college) whenever someone uses Family Day or going to church as an escape to its obligation. (hahaha. And my sports writing days enters the scene!) First, you have an obligation, so it's a must that you will fulfill it. And second, you're adding some problems to other people who doesn't have time to rest just to cover what you'll fail to do. Sometimes, I would say that "Sana pala tinakwil na  ako ng family ko dahil 3-4 years na akong di sumasama sa Family Day!" (hahaha, don't worry. I already moved on with that) Not that I'm ranting too much here but I know I'm saying what's right.

Those kids are lucky enough to be with their parents even in college. Do they ever mind those people who tried to live on their own while surviving in this jungle? They are just one lucky beings to be pampered by their parents. I think, being absent on one family day won't hurt that much, right?

Fine, I dunno how to end this but I will leave piece of advice that may be already painful to the ear since you heard this gazillion of times already. Be a good children to your parents. Bow :)

Baaaam!

Since I can't organize my thoughts well, medyo sabog lang talaga tong post na to :D

• Been watching Snow Queen and reading about Sungkyunkwan Scandal lately. And gaaah, can't resist with these good-looking long-haired guys (with some facial hair, beard and moustache)! I'm into guys like them who poses a very mysterious aura. Though in reality, I never had a crush like them. Well, I always tell my crush before to shave off his moustache and keep his haircut short and decent! hahaha. But hell yeah, pagbigyan nyo na ko sa dalawang to :D

Moon Jae Shin (Sungkyunkwan Scandal)

Han Deuk Gu (Snow Queen)

• I'm planning to work already this month (Yaaaay!). While some of my friends are already done with their basic and advanced trainings and now trying to gain experience in big hospitals in the metro, and the others are heading on a different field (training as a flight crew, pursuing medicine, working as an office staff in companies), I'm still here at my apartment sleeping 12 hours a day. Hay, feeling ko magde-deteriorate ata health ko neto. I was never this lazy before (hyperactive kid heeeeere!), pero siguro nga nagsilabasan na lahat ng pagod ng katawan ko from the past 4 years.
• Wala pa akong nasisimulan sa article na binigay sakin. I feel like nawawala na rin yung writing ko lately. Honestly, tinatamad akong isipin kung pano ko gagawin. But I can't help but think na ang gandang article nito kung sakali. Challenging, pero iba yung atake nung topic ng article. Ugh.
• And I found myself clinging to a sunbae (hahaha, something I learned from watching KDramas; means senior or someone older than me) last Sunday when FEU lost to UST in double overtime (sounds like a sports lead huh!). Actually, that sunbae was an RN who graduated from IN in 2010 (too much rhyme!). I was already expecting that FEU will win the game until he predicted that the game will reach an overtime. And heck, it did happened. Since super nail-bitter yung game, I found myself clinging on him and hiding on his back during the crucial minutes of the 2 OTs. Gaaaah. 

          So why did I posted this? I fear na baka tuluyan akong magka-crush kay Kuya! Oh no!!! Srsly, ngayon lang ako natakot uli ng ganito. Meron kasi akong mala-psychic feeling pag magiging crush ko ang isang tao. But this time, it's a noooooo. First, he's my Kuya. Second, madalas kaming nagkakasama sa games. And third, ayokong magka-crush nga kasi mahahalata ng dalawang ate ko (na lagi naming kasama). Huhuhu. Sayang, ang cute pa man din nya. Hahahaha. And I really found it weird na naging clingy ako bigla nung kabado periods ng game. Lechugas na game to o! Di ako clingy, srlsy.

• My apartment is a complete mess. Akala mo dinaanan ng bagyo.
• Gonna get my license this month! Yeaaaah!
• And lastly, I can't help but fangirl over Song Joong Ki. Sorry for my KDrama addiction!
• I really don't have any idea with SoKor's government, pero lately ko lang nalaman na may compulsory military service pala yung mga lalaki sa country nila for 2 years. So, sa 2 years na yun, nasa camp sila nagttraining, then made-delegate sa ibang fields like Army, Marines, Navy, and Air Force. Medyo nakakabigla lang nung nalaman ko na kahit mga artista pala sa kanila, pinagttraining and service din! So wala talagang exempted. Naisip ko lang, bakit walang ganun dito sa Pilipinas? Kaya tuloy andaming loko-loko at napapariwara satin eh. Sa panahon ngayon na medyo delikado ang bansa natin na inuunti-unti ng China yung teritory natin, sana lahat naman ng kalalakihan sa bansa natin eh kaya tayong ipagtanggol. (Medyo sexist lang yung last sentence. LOL) Ayun, naisip ko lang :)
• Gusto ko na umuwi ng Cuyo, kaso anong gagawin ko sa apartment ko na kayang magpakain ng isang pamilya yung renta. XD 
• Sana ma-push yung pinsan ko na mag-UST/FEU/CEU next school year at dito na lang sya tumuloy sa apartment ko para may kasama ako :)
• Medyo masakit sa ulo at mata ang UAAP standings ngayon. Nakakaloka ever.
• FEU, anek na? Isa pa lang panalo natin. Anubey.
• Okey, yun lang. Bayie :D
• Another sabog post. Bow

                  

Back

Note: Isang walang kwentang post. Bow.

I actually planned to keep this one as a secret, but in the end, bakit ko nga pala kelangang i-sikreto to? Ano to? Buhay ng high-profile na tao? XD

Last Wednesday, I was with Joshua. Yes, you read it right. Just click the Joshua tag to know more about him. Pero kung lagi kang nagbabasa dito, malamang alam mo na.

Moving on. Last week pa namin napagpasyahan na manuod ng game, syempre suporta naman sya sa childhood friend nya. The day before the game, nag-usap na kami kung san kami magkikita, which was Baclaran Church (bat kase anlayo?!).

Nung mismong day na yun, around noon, eh nagtext sya na ayaw daw syang payagan ng girlfriend nya. (Teh, wag masyadong magnet kay jowabels okey? Pasalamat ka eh martir sayo yang jowa mo kahit na... Nevermind!) So I told him na bahala naa sya umeskapo sa girl friend nya. Ayoko naman maki-join sa di nila pagkakaunawaan. After an hour, nagtext na si Joshua na paalis na sya. So pumunta na rin ako ng FEU para kunin yung tickets at nag-LRT papuntang Baclaran.

At nauna syang dumating sa simbahan kesa sakin, at late ako ng lampas 30 minutes. Aba, galit pa na late ako? May 'wtf' pa sa dulo ng text. Aba, walang murahan dre!

Any, pagdating ko ng simbahan eh nakita ko agad sya. Well, naka-white v-neck shirt (gaaah, kahinaan ko ang vneck shirts!) and acid-washed pants plus sneakers. Pagkakita ko sa kanya eh hinatak ko sya papuntang simbahan bilang magpe-pray muna ako bago umalis. Di na ko nakabalik uli dun after exams.

Since ambilis ko maglakad (at ang kupad nya), nauna na ko sa kanya pero paglingon ko eh andun naman sya sa likod ko at pa-ngiti-ngiti pa (medyo abnormal na ngiti lang). Pagkatapos nun eh naglakad na kami papuntang sakayan. Jusko, bat ba antagal maglakad neto? halos masunog na balat ko sa init. Ang hirap pa eh geographically-challenged pa tong kasama ko. Medyo masarap isumpa kasi ke-lalaking tao, di marunong mag-commute!

Pagsakay namin sa jeep, kwento agad sya about dun sa jowa nya na ayaw syang payagan at ginawa na nya lahat ng paraan para payagan sya. Hay, ganyan talaga pag medyo desidido, gagawin ang lahat. Sabi ko nga eh sana nagpaalam na sya agad nung nagsabi sya na manunuod kami. At dagdag ko pa "Ako nga eh, nagpaalam ako agad kaya pinayagan ako!" (Tunog may jowa kuno!) HAHAHAHA.

Pagdating ng MRT, kinawawa ko na naman sya sa kahahabol sakin sa paglalakad. Ayoko kasi ng makupad na tao. Makupad ako gumalaw pero mabilis ako maglakad. -_________- Hanggang papunta dun sa mismong sakayan eh halos hingalin sya sa kakahabol.

"Hahawakan na nga kita, baka mawala ka na naman eh." (Jusko, bat kinilig ako sa parteng to? HAHAHA) Ang bilis ko raw kasi maglakad. Medyo 10x nya ata inulit sakin na ambilis ko. So hinawakan nya yung bag ko habang naghihintay kami sa tren. (Jusko MRT Taft, bat lagi akong kinikilig pag napupunta ako dito? LOL)

Nung andun na kami sa tren, magkausap pa rin kami at medyo magkaharap kami (parang nangyari na to dati? Kaso medyo "close" ata yung nauna dahil siksikan to death sa LRT 1). Super random lang ng usapan namin, minsan inaasar ko sya na ang tanda na nya dahil 21 na sya at dapat eh nung 2012 pa sya graduate pero ngayon di pa rin sya graduate, tapos yung height nya na naungusan ko na, at yung pagiging martir nya (dinaig nya ko sa pagka-martir! Wag ka! XD). 

Nagku-kwento rin naman sya tungkol sa studies nya, sa OJT, sa buhay-jowa nya, at ibang bagay about sa childhood friend nya. Yung ibang mga chismis na nababasa ko sa twitter, medyo sa kanya ko vine-verufy. At sa sobrang tanong ko, nasabihan pa ko na " Stalker ka talaga ni Terrence no? Alam mo lahat lahat!" Excuse me, may ibang tao na mas may alam no! Ang pinagkaiba lang eh part ng work ko ang mag-research. Chos! :P

Pagdating ng Cubao Station, andami nyang pinagsasasabi. Haha, nakakainis yung kadaldalan nya. "Bat ba ang adik adik mo sa FEU? Oo nga pala, "alumni" ka nga pala." "Sorry ah, puro FEU kami sa pamilya eh," sagot ko naman. Nung dun na sa Farmers, hinihingal na naman sya sa kakasunod. "Ano ba, ambilis mo maglakad. Para tayong hinahabol o may hinahabol." Hello? Eh kung alam lang sana nya kung pano mag-commute eh di nakapanuod pa kami ng 1st game! Walanjo naman to!

Hay, mula Baclaran hanggang Cubao, di ko mabilang kung ilang beses kami nag-away. Jusko, di talaga fit ugali namin. Teka, di naman sya ganito katigas ang ulo dati (DATI) at di naman ako mapang-asar at mainitin ang ulo. Nagagawa nga naman ng 2 years na away-bating friendship na may kasamang isnaban.

Nung nasa loob na kami ng Araneta, napagkwentuhan naman namin yung last year na nagkita kami, at kung pano ko sya tinalo sa basketball, pano nya ko tinalo, at kung pano rin sya tinatalo ng gf nya na nakaka, 100+ points pa. Ikaw na te!

Medyo patapos na yung game nung dumating kami. Buti na lang eh nag-overtime!

Nung FEU na yung nagwa-warm up, andami nyang kwento about dun sa childhood friend nya. Wala eh, sya na maraming alam. Nung nag-start na yung game, halos di ko na sya makausap, masyadong tutok sa game, at tutok sa pagte-text kay jowa sabay share sakin kung ano pinag-usapan nila. (Bat kasi walang nagte-text sakin???!) Moving on again, pag may gusto syang ikwento, bubulong sya lalo na't di kami magkarinigan. Ang lakas ba naman ng drums!

Pagdating ng halftime, iniwan ko sya dun sa inuupuan nya at lumipat ako dun kay Kuya Kit. Hahaha, bat ba? Ang boring nya. (Though medyo nag-iimprove sya everytime na nagkikita kami, which was one in a blue moon, or once a year).

Nung second half, medyo dikdikan na yung laban. At nung nagpe-pray na ko, aba! nagpe-pray na rin ang loko. "Pag natalo kami, lagot ka sakin." Ayun nga, natalo kami. JINX! At in-enumerate ko yung mga games na nanuod sya at natalo ang FEU. 2010 PCCL Semis, 2011 UAAP Finals, 2012 FEU-DLSU KO game, then ngayon naman. Jusko, jinx nga!

Paglabas namin, kinukulit nya ko na ihatid sya sa MRT. My goodness, mas lalaki pa nga ata talaga ako kesa dito. Buti at nakita ko yung daddy ni Terrence at may makakasama na sya pauwi. Hay. Bago kami nagkahiwalay, may picture pa kaming dalawa. Thanks to Jocas! 

(Wala eh, mukha pa naman kaming bagay dito sa picture na to! HAHAHAHA. Pero in all fairness, mas matangkad na ako ng kaunti sa kanya.)

Ayun, nagkahiwalay na lang kami ng walang good bye o kung anuman. Oh well, sanay na ako dyan.

(Hello there Joshua Enrico! HAHAHA. Putek, ang boring mo pa rin kasama! Next time yung gf mo na lang isama mo sakin, baka mag-enjoy pa kami. I'm so proud of you! Pinaka-martir na friend, ever!)

After one year, ngayon lang kami uli nagkita. Medyo nakakatuwa lang yung feeling na nakita mo uli yung isang friend mo na kahit medyo hindi kayo in good terms eh mukha naman kayong close friends. Mukha lang. Kahit na medyo hindi okey ang nakaraan ko dito (at di ko naman pinagsisisihan yun), nakalimutan na rin namin yun.. Actually sya, parang wala ng maalala, medyo ako na lang ang may naaalala pa.

Matagal man naayos yung friendship namin, bilang andami kong tanong ssa utak ko, eventually naayos din :) Sana naman maayos ko na rin tong sarili ko at nang maayos ko na rin yung isa pang friendship na medyo na-spoil ko ng kaunti dahil sa gabundok na pride at pag-ooverthink.

hay friendship!

Just another untitled post.

Sorry if I usually rant in the morning. It's just that I really hate bad vibes at this time of the day.

Lola called me a while ago, talking about some chuchu things that I need to do. And she also asked me if I'm doing well since I'm not yet ready to go back to Palawan. What irritated me was when she told me that my uncle was kinda mad at me (as always!) that I don't even try to leave him a message or ask him if he's okay abroad.

Knowing myself, I'm not a thoughtful person. I'm lazy asking people what they do in their lives. Well, that's my Tito, so it's kinda different compared to my friends. So I told Lola, "Okey lang yan. Tamad lang akong mangumusta." You can't blame me for being like that. Hello? He was also mad at me in college when he learned that I was also in Advo, that I don't concentrate in Nursing. So what?

Not that I'm a badass niece, I usually go against the flow in our family, whenever I want to. And hello again, it's just a petty thing that your niece will forget to check you out, or ask if you're fine out there. I will not even care if other people forgot to check me out to. I really wont mind. Really.

Papa, Mommy, and Lola doesn't even mind if I dont call or text them. They'll be the one to call me first. Well sorry if my uncle doesn't know me that much. I apologize.

Move on, Future Nurse Lei!

.. 'cause it's now REGISTERED NURSE LEI.

Feels.