Extra Challenge

"God gives the toughest battles to its strongest warriors."

In my entire life, I've been through a lot of health problems, like asthma, heart disease, and now, a health problem that might take me anytime soon. Well, it's not yet confirmed if what was the sickness that I have right now, but I know where this is heading. I'm afraid that this will hamper the life I've been dreaming of, and will cause a lot of sadness and sacrifices for me and my family. This sounds like I'm overacting but I'm really scared on what will happen in the future. I've never been scared like this before.

I haven't told Lola and Papa about this, but Mommy and Kuya already knew since I was talking to them when I found about "this." (To clear this up, I'm not pregnant.) I'll be having a check up this coming week and have some lab tests to see if this is really what I'm suspecting. I'm a nurse and I can already tell if something is happening to my body. I already researched about the problem that I'm suspecting and currently taking some measures.

 I feel like God is really testing me to my limits since I was born until I reached this age. I dunno what he's up to but I know he has great plans for me even though I'm also afraid that his "plans" might not be materialized because of this challenge he has given me. I don't know what to do now since there's a lot of things that are clouding up my mind. Honestly, I have only one person in mind whom I want to talk to right now, but unfortunately, I won't be able to hear her advice.

Think positive Lhea! Kaya mo yan!

I'm back.. again

I'm back! Sorry for my whole month of silence since I'm just too tired of writing these past few weeks. (I'm currently writing for a sports site this UAAP season.) I just went back from Palawan, two Fridays ago. Well, my lola was sent to the hospital last June 16 and I flew immediately there last June 18. Luckily, my Lola recovered very fast after a week in the hospital. Haha, my family knows my mere presence can already cure Lola's sickness :))

I was already planning to go to Palawan after my training but Lola asked me to stay here in Manila instead. But since unfortunate events are inevitable, so I easily went there after less than a day of preparation. (You gotta follow Mommy's orders) When I arrived, I never left the hospital. Haha, Lola's room was reaaaally comfortable. (Suite room it is!) Aside from that, I enjoyed sleeping (during morning and afternoon) and watching animes, KPop-related shows, and alien-related documentaries :))

I missed being a nurse during my entire stay in the hospital. And yes, I regulate her IV pump sometimes, change her diapers, carry her commode, and prepare her food. It feels good to serve your grandmother specially during the times when she needs you the most. I felt like I served my former granny patients better than her.

During my vacation last year, she asked me to stay there for good but I declined since I felt that I will have a better future here in the city, but last month, I thought that it would be much better if I just went back to the province. Honestly, I already decided that if things won't work out well here in Manila, then I'll go back to my simple life in Palawan. It would be much better if I will stay by my grandmother's side now that she's getting older. I also don't want to leave her because I do miss her every single day.

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I can't finish this entry. T.T

Early morning realizations

Lately, I've been asking myself what I really want to do in my life. After my 3-month training, I'm back with my unproductive self, and doing exactly nothing just like last year. Honestly, I really want to work already but opportunities aren't even coming my way.

Earlier this week, I searched for some BPO-related jobs online. Luckily, I was invited for an interview in a company somewhere in BGC. I went there not knowing what to do. I just thought that I'll just go with the flow. If ever they'll accept me, then it's good. If not, then maybe I'll just think about it later. I was just desperate to have a job that's why I tried my luck there. They told me that the result will be released after a day, and unluckily, I didn't received any email from them. Turns out, I failed.

A day before my interview, I told myself that if I won't get hired, maybe that job isn't for me. And it looks like it. Actually, I'm just the one pressuring myself to get a job because I feel that I'm already a heavy burden to my family. Well, I still get allowances from Lola and Papa and I never heard them ranting about my unemployment or even pressuring me to look for a job. I should've applied for a job after I passed the exam, but I chose to get a rest instead.

Sometimes, I blame myself for choosing a course that doesn't have good job opportunities. I know that Nursing isn't in demand nowadays, or even during my college life but I still pursued it. I also thought about shifting to Mass Communications but because of Nanay's last wish, I continued Nursing. There are times that I think I suck in my decisions but I know later on, I will learn from it.

Last Sunday, I started watching Emergency Couple. I enjoyed that drama because it was set in a hospital's ER. Of course, there will be patients, doctors, and especially nurses. Unknowingly, I was already shouting in front of my laptop on what the doctors and the nurses should do, and even brainstorming (on my own) on what was the patient's diagnosis. And because of that, I realized what I really want to do in life. I want to be a person who will save other people, and make them feel well. I guess I was really born to be a life saver. LOL. I wanted to be a doctor, in the first place. But because of some circumstances, I decided not to pursue it anymore and chose to be a nurse instead. Well, they're performing almost the same and works side by side. I guess, I should just stick with  my own profession :)

I guess I just have to endure any problems that will go along my way. I'm fortunate to have a good family, and I know that time will come, and I will be able to repay what they've done. This unemployment will surely come to an end. I should work well, pray hard, and trust whatever God has planned for me.

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I've been worrying a lot these days. Well, I felt better after blogging this one :)

Yo Momma!

I woke up super early today so to kill the time, I decided to watch We Got Married (well, especially the episodes where the CNBLUE boys appeared). While browsing the episode guide, I was quite curious in an episode where Seo Hyun (yes, SNSD) met Yong Hwa's omma (mother). To share what happened during their meeting, YH's mom was really accomodating, cute, funny, and appreciative. Looks like she approves SH as her daughter-in-law (WGM is just a virtual marriage show). And I just noticed that SK guys adore their moms so much.

Actually, that episode gave me the reason to blog today. Well, I won't fangirl on YongHwa this time but I want to explore my inner thoughts if ever I would be a soon to be daughter-in-law, and maybe a future mother-in-law.

In my current situation, I don't think that I'll be qualified to be a soon to be daughter-in-law because I don't even know how to cook. Well, I'm doing good in frying lately and then I also cooked adobo (which tastes very good). I think I would be more proud if I'd be able to cook my favorite sinigang and nanay's signature beef steak. (And my tummy says *growl* literally) Moving on, aside from the cooking skills that I lack, I think I'd definitely get a plus points when I get to talk to my future in-laws. Haha, you know me, I'm really good in conversations. :) I know that I'm not the kind of person who likes to give presents, so I have to make up for it. But if fortunately I have to budget, well I'll definitely buy something. It's just that I'm not good in choosing gifts. HAHAHA. Since elementary, I already had a "biyenan" (mother-in-law)! Hahaha. Well, she was my classmate-slash-crush's mom. She's very good to me, and until now, she still calls me to check me up. There were times during high school that they wished that I could be a future member of their family. Lol. It's funny that I get to share these things here but you know, I'm not really serious with the in-law thingy before. It's just that our families were very close before :D

Moving forward, even though I don't have any kids yet, I feel excited to be a future mother-in-law! HAHAHA. (Funniest thing you've ever heard from me) Well, I always wanted to have a son and it would be really perfect if I get to meet his future wife. I'm always the ecstatic person in every event, you know. Even to my friends' bf/gf, I get too excited to meet them. Well, the excitement would be much different when it comes to my son. Haha. As of now, I don't have any qualifications for my future daughter-in-law because as you all now, I myself doesn't even have my future in-laws. HAHAHAHA. Well, I'll just think about it few years from now. :)

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I just noticed that my blog can already be a family guide. Haha. From tales of an NBSB, to marriage, how to raise your kids, and how to be an in-law. HAHAHAHA. :)

Updates!

• Tired with all these editings and revisions stuff. 
• I.NEED.A.JOB
• Frustrations...it's all coming back
• Honestly, I think I just find my him (my groupmate) cute. The eyes tho.
• Coming back to FEU brings back a lot of good memories.
• My sleeping pattern is effed up again.
• I'm planning to study more about photography. (Sayang ang camera ko please)
• Going back to sports writing soon. Good luck!
• Addicted to Flower Grandpa Investigative Team
• Back to zero crush life again. *cuts wrist*
• I want to get fat!

HAHA. Halatang tamad mag-elaborate eh no.

A bad case of...what?

(I typed a long entry already but decided to delete it anyway because I'm tired of typing anyway.)

Sorry to say this but I think I like one of my groupmates. HAHAHA. Of course he's also a nurse, and maybe you've seen him in some of my tagged photos or being mentioned in my recent tweets. Ugh I don't know, I just felt that I like him. K. He's also the same with my former crushes, nothing special. This is weird but I think this crush isn't going anywhere since our training will end this Friday (add 5 more days for thesis revisions and group bondings).

Some may say that he's just average but I think he's intelligent since he was the only one who made our Chapter 1 - 3 in no time. HAHAHA. And then, he's a bit like Tito June Ace who takes care of the kitchen very well. (We had overnights with my groupmates for 2 weekends already) HAHAHA. My groupmate Patricia hacked my FB twice today, posted a crazy status and even tagged the person I'm referring in this entry. Gahd, I'm not even showing any signs of crush but Patricia (I think) has a very good intuition.

Okay, I know this crush will just be short-lived. HAHAHA. BTW, he's cute, tall, and please guess how his eyes look like. KBye.

Are you ready?

These past few days, my news feed is all about weddings (HS schoolmate and college batchmate) and being invited to a baby shower of my college barkada. Not that I'm not happy for them but a sudden thought bubble popped out of my head while washing my dishes: (if I were in their position) Am I ready for a married life?

I know this is a funny thing especially me talking about it. How come I already thought about marrying when I still don't have someone to marry with? Well, take out the husband-to-be in the equation.

In my past entries, I talked about my future plans for my kids and now, it's all about crossing to what we call, THE REALITY. Starting a family is not a joke. I think, when the couple already thought about marrying, they start to prepare themselves physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. You will not be just boyfriends or girlfriends that would splurge their salaries to things that will just make them happy for the mean time. When you think of building your future, aside from planning the wedding, you also plan for your future savings. I learned from Papa that Mama already managed his money since 1988, and they married in 1991. (My mom is an accountant, so she must be that good in taking care of finances) Another thing, it's much better if the both of you already had investments while you were still single, or young. It's a nice way to put your money in something that will soon be useful. (I learned this one again from my parents. I'm quite lucky that they put their money into good use)

Wait.. Stop.

I'm not trying to write an entry on how to start your family, but I'm just quite concerned if I would be getting married at the moment. Emotionally and mentally-wise, I'm not yet ready. Even though I act like a grown up woman in the exterior, I'm still a messy kid at home. If you would raid my apartment, you would ask if a Haiyan-like storm bulldozed my place. (Told ya) Next, I can't imagine myself taking care of my kid. Hello, I'm still having fun spazzing over CNBLUE, staying up late to watch all of their videos and stuff. I would be an irresponsible mom at this age. And lastly, I suck in managing finances. (KFly) My uncle shared how he work hard abroad to send money for his family here, and he feels like it's still not enough since my cousin will be in college this coming school year. He also shared how my mom told him the same things when he was still single then, and mama just had me. He said that my mom worked hard to feed me, thinking that milk was just my food then. She made him realize how hard it is to have your own family. I know it's not all about the happiness. There will be tough times, and you can't avoid that. You just have to be ready whenever it lurks on your way.

Well, maybe next time the thought of being pregnant would knock in my thoughts. HAHAHA.