I recently realized that one of the reasons why I'm not enjoying my work so far is because of my lack of friends. Any, I can say that Mam Julie, Mam Faith and Mam Irene are the people I'm close with because they were my first workmates, and then Mam Reizel because were both talkative and loves girly stuff. But I think my relationship with them is more on the closeness in workplace level than the friendship that I'm thinking of. I guess, it's really that hard to find friends at work.
Honestly, since I came here I actually brought the attitude of a city girl (not generalizing) who's independent and doesn't mind to get to know people outside her circle (in short, not fond of introductions). Right now, I can make conversations with people since I've been assigned on Male Medical and OB Ward, and then transferring OR patients to Surgical Ward. But then, it's just general conversations and I have to consider the seniority of that person based on the position, age, and how long he/she is working there. Yeah, I do have a lot to mind whenever I talk to them. And then, I don't usually greet some of my co-workers whenever I meet them in the hallways. You may think that I'm the one to be blamed for not having friends, but hey, aside from the fact that I'm shy since I still feel like a newbie, but I don't really know them. I find it somewhat funny that the ER peeps in my new shift are friendly with me (Haha, I was friendly to the ER peeps in my past shift since one was a Cuyonon [we do endorsements in Cuyonon dialect, and the doctors go crazy with our out-of-this-word language], then I knew the other one during my interview). Earlier, one ER staff greeted me twice, calling me Lei/Lhea. (I dunno why people are calling me Lei. Haha, my Manila friends rarely call me in my real nickname. Fine, I should be thankful that even though I didn't tell them about the Lei thing, they still call me that.) Actually, he resembles a bit like my former classmate, Patrick, whenever he's wearing glasses. And I was surprised yesterday that Ana Marie's in Surgical Ward. Quite thankful that Mam Diana and I were not the only FEU kids anymore. FEU-IN represent!!! In the OR Team, my fellow nurses are Mam Che and Sir Cyrus. Sir Cyrus is like a big brother to me because he teaches me how to do charting when it comes to DR cases (sareeh, it's currently my weakness. I still have a lot to learn. I'm in a newbie slump), and checks on me whenever I find something difficult. While Mam Che, she looks quite serious (more like a serious kid since she's not that tall, and she looks young), but she gives me a lot of advices recently. I guess we'll grow closer soon when I get to familiarize myself with everything, well, more since I learned that she's also a book lover. Maybe I should try to buy the books she recommended me.
Moving on, why do you think I made this entry? By just reading what I typed above, I'm not totally friendless, it's just like I have friends in a work level, but not the kind of friendship that you know I'm looking for. If you're an Advo kid, you know you'd totally understand me. I guess I can't move on with the kind of friendship I had in college. The kind of friendship that goes beyond the organization. In Advo, we learned how to work professionally and be the best-est siblings/friends at the same time. I know real life is different, but what I had in Advo can even be possible? I hope so. There are times that I wasn't too enthusiastic in going to work, unlike going to school where I can meet my friends in the classroom and my orgmates afterwards. Having lack of friends here means lesser girl talk (girl talk, regardless who I'm talking with) to none. I mean, even if I share it to Lola, she will just hear me out, but she will not be able to empathize with me at all. Me and Ate Princess isn't at a level where we could talk hospital-related things because, again, she can't empathize with me. That's where a friend at work comes in, because you can empathize with each other.
Looking at my quest to friendship at work, I don't actually make it obvious since I'm being careful with the way I act. There's a lot of things inside the hospital that can't be spilled out, even to your own family. Being able to hear things from different people, you can get hate easily by doing no wrong, or having jealous fellows around. Actually, that's what I'm avoiding right now, especially that promotions is just around the corner and I don't even want to apply for Nurse 1 because of the hate I would get even if I pass or not. Like what I said in my previous post, I don't seem that I'm at par with Nurse 1 position, and I just want to be promoted since I want to get a raise in my salary. (I. NEED. MONEY) Any, even though I don't see myself as a Nurse 1 material, then I'll let the higher ups to decide it for me. Hahahaha. Mommy was telling me to go for it (when it comes to opportunities like this, Mommy rarely says no) even though I don't feel like it.
Going back to the topic, a fellow staff from OR pointed out that maybe the reason that I don't have bosom friends in the hospital is because of my lack of batchmates/age-mates (is it even correct?). I think she's right since I don't usually call someone by name (except Ana Leah [from Cuyo], and Ana Marie [fellow Tam and from a younger batch]), and everyone tends to be older than me, so yeah (the feeling sucks). I feel like we're so strict with the Mam/Sir thing actually. Whenever I think of my PGCPN training, we all call our co-trainees by its first name. Some of us might be older, but we treat and call ourselves equal. How I wish it's like that since having friendships is easier and much natural that way. Me and my co-trainees bond during our free time and in-between breaks, but here, naaah. I guess, I have to live the way they are since I'm already stuck here. I'm really dying to find a way out here, work in Manila, then live independently (minus the help of my own big 3: Papa, Lola, Mommy). I hope I can, since they won't let me live there anymore if I can't live on my own off my own salary. Phew. (I'll make another entry soon).
I guess I'm so preoccupied of finding friendships when I arrived here. I think it's now something to be forced, and it should come naturally. If I won't be able to find something like that, I should just flourish the kind of friendship I left in Manila; that I should keep working on it despite the distance and make them feel that I never really left.
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