Blurred future

I've been in a deep dilemma in regards to work and future after I arrived here in Puerto. You know me, dilemmas love to stick with me.

Dilemma #1: Well, a friend of mine opened again the idea of me applying for a hospital in Manila again (and thinking about it again made me remember my countless "pending" applications in some hospitals there). I tried to be cool about it since I won't have anything to lose if I won't get accepted in that hospital for the 2nd time (my first application there is still PENDING) since I still have my work here in the province (but honestly, I really want to work there). 

Dilemma #2: Then, when my IELTS exam results were released last night and I tried to assess my scores and qualifications online, it didn't met with the criteria of CIC, which made me me a bit disappointed.

Dilemma #3: To make up for the disappointment, I looked up for some instructions on how to apply for New York's State Board. Gahd, the entire processing will cost me an entire fortune. My savings can only equate for a hundred bucks, and that's isn't enough to pay for all the processing fees. Who would've thought that instead for looking for a job, you'll end up spending all your money, and that is just for the verification and authentication of your acad papers. Ughh.

Honestly, I kinda feel that I'm such in a hurry to move out of the country. I have my reasons why I wanted to leave, but I think it would take years for me to do so.

Now, my contractual work in the hospital seems to come to an end. I dunno, but it seems like that (even though I would be transferred to OR/PACU by next month). By June, it's a whole new battle for promotions and I really really dunno if I should apply for Nurse 1 or not. Being a Nurse 1 has a lot of pros, including a raise in my salary, but I don't feel like I'm at par for a Nurse 1 position. I'm still on my 4th month yet I'm vying for a higher position already. I don't seem fine about it. All I'm thinking was the raise in salary, but my qualifications? Na-ah. I don't think so.In addition, regular employees can't easily file their leave! HAHAHA. I'm planning to return to Manila by November!!! XD

Any, I was thinking of a back-up plan in case that my contract would end during the promotions period (or if I won't apply for a regular position aka Nurse 1). And the only thing that's on my mind is applying again in Manila. Ugh, Sorry, I have a lot in my mind and I can't sort it out that well.

I dunno if you, dear reader, would understand everything that I wrote. But lemme tell you, these kind of dilemmas are prevalent among nurses. Ugh, I think I would sort these things out when I get to know about our meeting's agenda (they would surely touch the topic about

 us contractual nurses), and when Mommy arrives from US. Any, I would still send my papers to my friend, whatever happens. And, maybe I should sleep all these disappointments firsts. Honestly, I want to process my papers already but I happened to be here in the province, and that I could only do as much, Ughhhhh!

----

Thanks Spotify for accompanying me. Haha