Tudum...

(As always, my titles aren't always related to the content.) Anyways, I'm so disappointed lately on how career is going. Basically, I'm not even progressing at all as a nurse who's been a Band 5 for 5 years now. I might've not mentioned it here but I failed 2 interviews for my ward last year, due to "someone more experienced than me" (but we are training that person instead to do her job to teach us instead), and "giving negative vibes" in my answer that didn't even dwell on the short staffing of the ward. To be honest, I totally don't know what's happening because this all seemed like a joke. We lost a couple of seniors in the ward, but barely replaced them. The one they promoted just got the permanent position (which is expected), and now they're opening a secondment for 6 months. LIKE, SIX MONTHS? That's pretty useless tbf. Me being a prideful human being, doesn't want to apply for it because it's just useless. And potentially not getting the job would just be rubbing more salt to the wound. I'm trying not to think about other stuff, but it seems like some people don't favour me at all. I love my job, and I'm just here to work and not be best friends with other people. But I think that people who are worthy for a certain position should be given a chance. Sadly, I already showed them that I could do the job. They're just way too blind to see or probably erased that memory in their heads. Work loyalty is BS. Everyone is literally telling that to me. Even though I like what I do, I just feel like floating in the band 5 position, hitting the roof with no chance to soar above that. Instead, I'm expected to act like a senior staff nurse, when I even ain't one. I had to do some responsibility of looking after new staff and teaching them, when there is an actual person paid to do it (the one they chose over me.) Just funny, isn't it? I want to leave my area tbh and do something different. And get paid better, with the hardwork I'm putting into. I want to be appreciated in my job, and get the proper pay for it. MAybe too much to ask for other people, but they won't know how I'm feeling. I shouldn't be ranting in my college blog tbh. But hey, this is my reality. I should write more about my experiences as the nurse that I am now.

Wanting and timing

Recently, there was a job posting for Practice Facilitator for our unit. Being the usual Lhea, I'm quite interested because I love a role that could help assist and supervise new nurses. Two of my colleagues encouraged me to do it, so I sent an email to our Lead Educator that I wanted to know more about the role.

Few days later, I met our LE and she told me about the job. But I guess I'm not yet ready for it. I know our previous PF and how often she worked on the ward, yet this one is more office-based for now. I don't think I'll thrive in an office set up, and an 8-6 job during weekdays. And if I truly wanted it, I could've said yes, but being the classic Lhea, I always wanted a way out. I told LE that I haven't had my competency book signed AT ALL (which is true btw). Another thing, I guess I don't want to have bigger responsibility yet, and I'm worried that I won't have extra money because I can't do night shifts for a while. Well, no one's pressuring me to get the job anyway, so I'll just do what I want.

 In the end, I didn't contact LE anymore and I forgot that the interview was yesterday. I heard that someone I knew got the post and was promoted to Band 6. Good for him!

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I guess I am this kind of person who believes in timing, whether it's rushed or a very long term one. I mean, I would've liked that 8-6 job but that would be nice if I have a family to look after. I don't want to keep on working weekends and night shifts if I got kids already. I want to enjoy my time with them, and probably go somewhere and enjoy the weather on a weekend. I dunno who I'll marry in the end, but whoever that may be, I want to be the kind of mum who spends quality time with her (future) family.

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Mommy actually advised me to be a nurse practitioner if I get older, and I guess it's a  good plan. I've been working as a cardiothoracic nurse now, and it's a very good sub-speciality. Well, I think I still need few more years of experience before I could study to be an ANP. Another thing, I need money to send myself to uni, so I might do that if I have a husband to feed me while studying. HAHAHAHA. Sounds like a good plan to me!

I know that I'm that kind of person who loves making super future plans. I get anxious if I don't look forward or plan on something ahead, because I feel like I'm not going anywhere. Looking back, I never imagined that I'll be in the UK in my mid 20s, but here I am when everybody thought I'd be in America.

Sometimes God does brings us to a place that he thinks is the best for us. I'm not complaining (well despite the low wage, but I can work on that tho) because I love my job. He gave me so many challenges and I'm happy that I rose above it.

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Walking around the village this evening, I kept on seeing these houses for sale along our street. There's this attached and kinda big semi-detached one. I can't help but imagine my future family home, and of course a house that I could buy while I'm still single. I've looked up all their prices previously, and it costs so much money. With my current salary, I wont be able to afford it at all. And then I remembered what Nanay used to tell me when I get amazed with the cars I used to see back in college. She told me "You can buy that kind of car if you study well." Now, I'm finished with school and now abroad, I could afford that IF I WORK EXTRA SHIFTS!

Not saying I'm in dire need of money, but I actually need money to pay my card, and afford that plane ticket to NY and probably fund my travel there. Plus if I actually want to make my house plans for Papa happen, I should start now.


ALRIGHT LHEA! WORK WORK WORK!!!!