Sometimes I try my best to keep myself calm even though I feel eaten up inside. I believe that when you show people that you easily get annoyed, you'll be tagged as a loser, or pikon. Honestly, I was teased as pikon when I was young but I was able to get over it while growing up. And then from pikon, it evolved as being defensive because I always explain about my actions. Since my New Year's Resolution, or should I say my goal is not to explain things anymore, I think I should just don't mind what other people may say about my actions, because I have my own reasons.
Recently, some of my friends felt that I've been avoiding them. Yes, I am avoiding them. There are times that I already feel tired of the teasing. Well yes, you can't erase teasing between friends but it's already tiring that those teasing doesn't even end even after my long hiatus. There's this one topic that they always bring up. Well, I actually don't wanna talk about it because of....reasons. Any, I would just end up as a loser anyway. If I react, they'll say that I haven't moved on with that. And if I don't react, they'll say I'm in denial. Honestly, I don't know where to position myself. To say that I'm affected with what they're saying is an understatement. They don't even understand a bit of my actions. I did my best to create a new world for myself, to get out of the world that confined me for years. I remember what my friend told me before, that I should live my life apart from them because in the end, we'll part ways.
I think a part of this dilemma should be blamed to me. I was an open book that anyone who's curious would be able to read, but I think it should be over now. There's nothing wrong with teasing other people, but one should be sensitive enough on when to start or end it. I'm going through some things that they do not know. They don't even know some things that causes me a great burden.
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*Try again and smile again is one of CNBLUE's songs. I dunno why I chose this as the title. Well, I always come up with a very random title anyway.
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