Hey you!

Hello my dearest blog, sorry for not updating you always since my life was really bland these past few months and I felt like a decaying matter inside my apartmenr. Although I have a lot of things to share, please give me some space to share my feelings.
If you happen to read my past entries, it's been a long time since I had friendship-related hanash, so please bear with me since I really have to let it out even though I might regret it soon.
~Hello my dear friend, it wasn't that long ago when I officially reconnected (??) my ties with you. And before our recent meeting, we also bonded with our other friends somewhere. It seems to me that things are quite okay for me now, and that I won't have to deal with awkwardness anymore. But recently, my actions in our recent meeting made quite a misunderstanding for the people around us. I was really passive that night, not in my usual happy self, and avoided a lot of people. I may have avoided other people but not you since we also happened to talk before I went out to have my "me-time." To tell you honestly, I don't want my "me-time" to be a big thing. I don't want to explain anymore why I wanted to read my book more than going out and spend socializing with the kids. What I've done may be deemed as rude if I was with a parent that time, but I think I've never done wrong by just lying on the couch and read the entire night. Okay, I wrote and explained too long about my me-time, and I know you wouldn't even care. Well, boys are boys. Moving on, the next thing that happened was the one that made me feel like a beaten warrior. (And yuck, it's kinda exaggerated tho.) You were there when everything was happening. Yes, as my usual self, I laughed it off, but deep inside, I wasn't really happy. At some point, I asked myself if it was a big mistake that I was too honest with my feelings then, or if I was too carefree to just let people make me look like a fool in front of you. (I'm not mad with those people , but with what they did.) Despite of every word that were bombed to me, you're more of an invisible person more than a spectator. And then friendship comes in. After all the teasing (some are friendly, mild, vut there are also extreme and offending ones), you never attempted to utter a single word, not even trying to stop those things, or defending me. Honestly, that really hurted me. All these time, I took it alone, but when you're there listening, I felt more alone and helpless. And then I asked myself, "Are you a real friend?" I never had any memories of you trying to defend me. I never asked you to do it, but I hope it crossed your mind that I also needed help. I may seem strong, but it doesn't mean I'm strong all the time. There was a part of me saying that you just kept your mouth shut because you don't want to be dragged to my place. But I hope you were sensitive  enough that time. I'm writing this rant entry not as a person who liked you before, but as a troubled friend who sometimes need a person to stand up for her. There were a lot of girls who were in a situation like me, and you even know them. I hope that if ever it happens to someone you know, be that person who will defend them and make them feel that what they used to "feel" isn't a bad thing, or something to be mocked, or making fun of. I doubt if this thing will ever cross your mind, and knowing the male species, this will never ever cross your mind. Even though I wanted you to read this, but it's too late already. Since I'll be moving to another place, it will might take us years before we meet again. I hope you had erased the past image of myself as a giddy college girl who secretly liked you (yeah, it was really embarassing typing it here). I hope that when we meet again, you'll play things cooly (like I pretended I'm doing), than being what you just did all these time.
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If you're an avid reader (oh yes avid reader-slash-advo blogger), you'll definitely know who I'm talking about, and how weird and disorganized (in terms of thought) my entries are.
I'll post some good news soon. Kbye.